Update (see previous post gentle reminders to refresh)
It has been roughly 2 months since SD30 asked her hubby for divorce. He still calls us alot, comes over, cries, asks for advice etc.
Some days we just don't pick up the phone because we can only take so much.
The marriage seems to be definiitely over and he is starting to face the music.
I don't want to bore you with details because, hey , we've all been through this by now either with ourselves or a close friend.
I fell off the wagon of totally disengaging from SD30 aand SD32 the past few nights. I haven't spoken to either one but I let them get back in my head. I can't sleep, I start crying again, I am angry, I want revenge, and one of them I would like to bitch slap silly.
Soon to be ex son in law called the other night to thank us for all of our emotional support. He is still so "in love" but knows it is over. (more like co dependent with a lunatic). Anyway, he has given her everything, assumed her huge credit card debt, even gave her his car which means he will not have a car. She drives a 38,000 dollar car.
My point to telling you that was, he has given her everything .
Seriously.
Now, SD32 called him and told him that he need to be very careful and understanding with her sister. She can see any man she wants, blah blah. Here is the killer part. SD32 told my son in law that she sincerely hoped he would not even think of letting DH and myself see the grandchildren because after all, we don't deserve to see them.
Son in law thought it was absurd but like I said, he has given SD30 EVERYTHING so what is keeping him from dreamily still trying to please her and agreeing to us not seeing the grandchildren in writing?
I am furious, I will not do anything because I want him out that marriage .
These two sisters have the most delusional thought about what is right and wrong .
I know I haven't seen my grandkids for 3 1/2 years now and I rationalize I can wait another 6 months when this is over but what if she actually does get him to put it in writing that we can't see them??? We did nothing wrong and I don't want a public document looking like we are molesters or something.
Sorry this is long, Just a rant and hope another learning experience for you other Steps out there.
Hi Towanda. Wow! Seems the
Hi Towanda. Wow! Seems the SD's are also ganging up on your ex SIL as well. Hopefully he won't honor this latest "request". Perhaps when you talk to him you could say something about how much you love seeing the grandkids and you hope he will let you and your DH be part of their lives. Might work as he knows how much you and your SO have invested in listening to him etc.
Sometimes I read the things these SK's do to us, for no reason other than pettiness and I want to scream: What the heck is wrong with these(sks) people! At times it seems like dealing with these nasty adults is like dealing with mean girls in high school who never grow out of it. Call me naieve, but I just don't get these people. I mean why? It didn't work out with their bio parents, so why take it out when the bioparent finds happiness with someone else? Especially when these skids are adults and out of the nest.
Oh, BTW, you can petition for grandparent rights in the divorce so that you are allowed time with the grandchildren. Almost all judges will grant this and put it in the decree.
Last Friday , SIL and SD sat
Last Friday , SIL and SD sat down and told the kids they were divorcing. Two of the boys chimed up and asked if they could see G'pa and G'ma Towanda now. (hee hee!) I bet SD about blew a gasket. }:)
Just a little crumb of satisfaction for team Towanda.
I have the 2 SD's tucked back into basic I don't give a sh-- mode again. Thank heavens my temporary insanity only lasted two nights.
And guess what is going to
And guess what is going to happen in the future? SD is going to be a SM!!! LOL LOL
On some level I can
On some level I can understand STBXSIL staying in contact with you and DH. I did much the same thing with my XILs when my XW cheated and filed for divorce. I was very close to my XILs when I was married to their daughter.
It took me about 6mos to ween myself off of using them as emotional support. For nearly 10 years after the divorce they continued to send me birthday cards with money. They are devout Catholics and their daughter never annuled our marriage. This is a big deal to my XILs.
My wife, our son and I ran in to them ~5 years after the divorce when we moved to the city where they lived. They were shocked that I had remarried and had a kid. I never told them he was my stepson. He was 2 when we ran in to them. The look on their faces as they did the mental math on how old the kid was, how long we had been married not to mention how old my wife was (she is 11.5 years younger than I am) was quite funny. My XFIL burst in to tears when he saw me.
That was an interesting event let me tell ya.
5 years after that event I ran in to my XMIL when I moved to a new office that was not far from their home. After running in to her I did accept a lunch invitation at their house. It was decidedly strange. When I pulled up at their home my XFIL was doing yard work. He started crying when he saw me. When we went inside they still had the wedding pics from my wedding up on their walls. As I said they are Catholic and without an anulment I am their SIL.
I have not seen or spoken to them since.
While researching for my parents 50th anniversary last year I clicked on a link to my XW. She is now on at least her 3rd marriage, has three children (2 out of wedlock) by her second husband. No doubt she has not annuled any of her previous marriages and my XILs are crushed by this.
I also learned that my XMIL spent time in federal prison for embezzlement, but that is a completely different and very long story.
Not the same situation since my XW and I had no children together. But, I can on some level understand your SIL attempting to maintain closeness with you.