Twit! What the Heck is Wrong With Her...You Won't Believe...
Thank heavens this board is here. I am honestly sick and disgusted by what DH has just told me and he is upset about it as well. This has really upset him quite a bit....another reality about what Twit really is.
If you recall, Twit had a dog that she let run loose, like she does all her animals. The dog was shot by a farmer for chasing and going after his chickens and Twit, well she wasn't very nice about it at all. In typical Twit fashion, HE was wrong and it was okay for her animal to destroy his livestock etc. Anyway, I digress.
Twit has other animals and one of them, a dog, is getting quite old. DH said the dog was in bad shape when he came back home in January, losing weight, could walk, but was very wobbly, weak, etc. He said he told Twit back then that the dog was suffering. Twit claimed that the vet told her the dog was in no pains, just old.
Well, anyway, DH had reason to go down to Twit's place and saw the condition the dog is in now. Nothing more than skin and bones, can't walk, shakes...terrible. He got ahold of her and told her that she needed to do something for the animal, the animal was in real bad shape and needed, well, to be put down. Now, I want to be sure that I say here that the animal was not starved, DH says the animal would eat some, there is always dog food out for the dogs, but at the advanced age etc., the body just doesn't keep nutriants, goes right through, and the poor old boy probably didn't have the strength.
He got the dog in the car and Twit went and they had the poor old animal put down.
DH is furious! He has been storming around the house this evening pizzed that anyone would let an animal get that emaciated and distressed. I, too, am stunned as this seems so extreme. Why would any one let a pet, an old pet, get into such a condition. DH says that he couldn't believe the condition of the poor animal and is asking himself what the H*ll is wrong with Twit, and her husband for letting it go on to the extent it had.
Man, that is one sick Twit because, he said, she had no feelings for the condition of the animal, kept saying the vet said it was okay as the animal was not in pain but she never took him in to the vet so he saw the animal's condition. H*ll, DH says, no vet would tell someone to just let an animal waste away like that....imagine the pain of starving to death.
BUT, and this is scarier yet, IMHO, Twit has another animal she got from the pound a few weeks back. Oh boy.
I only talk about this to you folk because IMHO it shows just what a sick twisted person Twit is. No compassion, claims to care, but doesn't do the right thing because of how it would affect her, how she would feel bad if she had to make the decision to have the poor dog put down. Always about her, and her feelings, never about any one else, or any thing else. I don't want to say this to DH, he knows, but my saying would be like slapping him in the face with it. Far better to keep my comments to myself and let him do the expounding on the situation.
The vet, DH says, didn't say anything, but the look on his face when he saw the condition of this dog shows he was shocked as well.
I can honestly say that I have never seen Twit treat her dogs bad, they always have food, water, shelter, etc., but she doesn't believe in fencing them in regardless of the laws. Nor does she believe in collars on them because when they run loose she doesn't want them to get the collar caught on a tree limb or something. Some real warped thinking there. I don't know.
Sickening, just sickening.
I hope I made sense there
I hope I made sense there because what DH has described to me and told me makes me sick.
I mean, even when someone goes into hospice because of their illness, they are not given food, or water, but they are given medication to ease the pain and the process of the body shutting down is not prolonged.
With this animal, DH says, it was a long time in the deteriorating condition and had to be in pain. How can someone who claims to "love animals" do something like that to a pet??
DH said that Twit was crying all the way back from the vet and when he left about the death of the poor dog. Me? I wonder, on hearing that, why she didn't feel pain and concern watching the poor beast deteriorate to such a pitiful condition. I am certain that if the animal had been taken to the vet, the vet would have assessed the situation and not let the animal suffer like that.
Sorry, friends, this is just so upsetting. DH is furious with her for letting the animal get to that condition. Me, I'm just scared that we have to deal with someone like this who will let a pet go like that. I find it disturbing and very scary.
Thanks - Now you all may
Thanks - Now you all may understand why this Twit scares the begesus out of me. There is something very, very off.
I heard DH on the phone with her earlier asking her what the h*ll was wrong with her. Man, he was quite loud, almost screaming at her. Guess she hung up on him.
I feel sorry for DH right now, but I am just listening and keeping my mouth, and thoughts, to myself (which is why I am here 'cause I would be saying a lot about what a mean, nasty, evil person she is; which would only turn him against me).
It is going to take a while for him to process the situation and what happened. He has said to me that Twit doesn't beat her dogs, feeds them, makes sure they have water, plays with them, etc. Thus he can't understand why she, and her husband, let this go on so long.
I figure it is because she didn't want to deal with it, probably hoped the poor thing would just die and she wouldn't have to be a RESPONSIBLE loving person who looks after aging animals.
And I can say, having had to make the decision many a time in my life, it is not an easy thing to do, but it is the right thing rather than let an animal suffer. Because I loved the animal, my pets, I took the responsibility. Not to do so would be cruel.
I can see why you would give
I can see why you would give her the benefit of the doubt that she just loved the dog so much. But the reality is that if she loved it she would do the right thing by the animal. Watching an animal waste away because one claims to love it is NOT love. It is selfishness and self-centeredness for just a start and who knows what all kind of other evils lurk in their heads.
Man, I am sooo glad I don't
Man, I am sooo glad I don't have to depend on her in my old age. DH had better be thanking his stars that he has me to look after him. Unfortunately, if something happens to me first, he's on his own, but I know my daughter will keep on eye on him. She is like that...responsible and caring.
When my Mother aged and was
When my Mother aged and was seriously declining and nothing more could be done for her, I had to make the decision to put her in hospice. Yes, I would have loved to have her around longer, but it wasn't to be. The doc said that her heart was tired, she would last perhaps another few weeks, but in what condition? It took a lot of strength to sign the papers and even more strength to sit in a room that looks, for all intents and purposes like a hospital room (it was in the hospital) but there were no IV's, no machines watching her heart and breathing etc. The hospice folk saw that she was comfortable, provided medication (morphine for pain) and nature took its course. A very difficult thing to do. I was there almost nonstop and was with her when she passed. They say that they can still hear you so I talked to her, about old times, Aunts and family she would be seeing again, etc, held her hand, wet her lips so they wouldn't crack. Cared for her until the end.
I could have had her in the hospital for a few more weeks, but she would have been uncomfortable and unconscious and it was just prolonging the inevitable by a week or two.
But for Twit just to let the animal continue to deteriorate and suffer, well, that I think is just wrong AND cruel.
Twit is a narcissist. She
Twit is a narcissist. She only cares about herself and her feelings. She is a borderline. This is how they act. It's all about them. It's never about anyone but them and they go to extremes to make themselves look good. This is sickening. I was 15 years old when I watched my beloved German Shepard die. She had hip dysplasia. I cried. My parents would've never dreamed of keeping her alive to make us feel better, it was about her. This is a theme in all of the twit stories I've read from you. It's all about her and how she looks. My god, look at her son with the alcohol problem. Perfect husband, house, dog and pot and pan business. This is sickening. I'm glad your DH now sees her for what she is. May this precious being RIP. twit will never change. She's very sick and twisted. So she cried? She's only crying for herself. Selfish bitch.
Hi Amber - Yes, Twit is those
Hi Amber - Yes, Twit is those things, but she is more than that...just evil. That is why she is so darn scary. I am so glad I don't have to deal with her carp any more.
It is, though, difficult for DH to be realizing just what a demented jerk his daughter is. There are times he wants to blame himself for what she is, he did this in counseling. The counselor told him that it was HER not him. She makes her decisions, does what she does, etc. I recall the counselor telling him that his other two children seemed to have turned out alright.
This is one sick, twisted Twit that, unfortunately, is attached to the family. DH is handling things with her correctly, he has not fallen back into trying to make me understand she didn't mean it, tolerate it, etc. But he is having problems, now that his eyes have been opened, with just how uncaring, nasty, and self-centered the Twit really is.
There is a lot I would like to say to him, but I am keeping my mouth shut and posting here as Twit is not my problem. I express sympathy for the dog, but I say nothing about Twit at all. DH knows so why cause problems between us by throwing it in his face.
DH is seeing that Mrs. Perfect (as Twit thinks she is) is far from perfect.
Just curious, is twit your
Just curious, is twit your DH's only daughter? You mention that the counselor said that your DH's other 2 kids came out ok. I suspect strongly that the other 2 are boys.
No, he has another daughter
No, he has another daughter and a son and both are doing fine and very nice people. Even DD keeps a relationship with them, like family. DD doesn't like Twit and has no use for her, and, needless to say, Twit is extremely jealous of DD and her siblings.
You know, Amber, you are so
You know, Amber, you are so right on. I was just thinking that I have never seen Twit reach out to anyone who needed comforting, do something for someone that was hurting etc. UNLESS there was something in it for her. But she wants people to feel for her when she is upset, mainly, I believe because she likes the attention she gets.
As I say, I stay FAR away from her. DH knows I want absolutely nothing to do with her. I don't like or trust her at all.
I am hoping that one day DH will just plain totally stop dealing with her completely. He KNOWS what she is, but she is still his daughter and there will always be that connection.
Hi SDM-- Yes, unfortunately
Hi SDM--
Yes, unfortunately she is his daughter and as you say, it is possible that there will always be a connection. This is what my DH used to say about his princess brat however, now he has nothing to do with her and it's been wonderful. He said he doesn't even miss her one bit. What happened is that she threw a tantrum and called DH and I every name in the book. She's made horrible accusations about DH. he finally had enough of her nonsense and he let her have it. He finally told the little pea- brained idiot off. Now that the little bitch is out of our lives, we barely fight. She was the cause of 99% of our problems and I'm not kidding. Eventually, your DH might get so sick of twit as my DH got sick of psycho princess. There's a point when they see their rotten spawn for what they are and they can't take the abuse anymore. So in my DH's case, there is no longer a bond. My SD is a borderline with narcissistic personality disorder. They can't help themselves. They think the world owes them and that they can do no wrong. It gets old for everyone after awhile. Maybe you will get lucky and twit will do something so egregious that her father finally says "no more" and he will be done with her forever. One can only hope.
Amber - You have me thinking
Amber - You have me thinking with your insight. One other thing I notice about Twit is that she never, ever will say something nice about what someone is wearing, or if someone say, paints their house or gets new furniture, she never says anything. Oh, she notices okay. Many a time I have noticed her taking something in at my house....probably thinking what it is worth or what she can get for it or even how to get it.
Yet, she will always point out to people her new couch, car, etc. with a "did you see my new >>>>>".
In taking in what you and others have said, I feel that she is jealous about everyone. That she must feel threatened if someone gets something nice, etc. And probably add to that that she doesn't like it because it takes her out of the spotlight. She might not have the newest, the best, or the most expensive etc.
When I realized this, after rereading these posts, I wondered how I had missed it all this time. Or maybe I subconsciously was aware of it and it is one of the many things that bothers me about her.
Oh where do I start SDM?
Oh where do I start SDM? Well, I can tell you that you are probably 100% correct in your observations. I did not study much psychology in college as I was a political science major but I did take a couple psych classes but I can tell you that where I learned so much about personality disorders (particularly borderlines and narcissists) is in my personal life. I didn't know it at the time we were married but my first husband is a borderline/narcissist. Oh my god did he have me in a frenzy. You see, I thought I was the crazy one. I thought I was the reason the marriage failed. I thought if I just tried harder to be a better wife and mother then he would be happy and then everything would be ok. These types of people thrive on this. They keep you off balance to the point where you don't know whats real and whats not. They manipulate you into trying to please them when they don't even know it would take for them to feel pleased. Then they make you feel sorry for them and you shouldn't because you are the one thats actually being abused but at the time, you don't realize that its happening. Its truly a fascinating phenomenon. Im currently having some real hard times with my ex not seeing our children and not paying child support so I just recently got a good dose of his personality disorders and let me tell you, I feel all messed up inside. This is what these people do.
Trying to talk to people like this can make you feel like you're having a one way conversation with yourself; you know, those kind of conversations that aren't give and take. These people just love to talk about themselves. They don't care how others are doing and don't want to hear about anyone else but themselves. They wouldn't dream of complimenting someone else as that takes the focus off of their stuff, family, life, etc. and they thrive when the focus is on them. Looking back, I remember feeling like I had never had a deep, meaningful conversation with my ex. Conversations were always based on his latest "issue", how he's being mistreated at work, how others are out to get him, how he has been wronged, blah blah blah blah. Your twit is a little different but she operates in a very similar way; its all about her, her belongings, her adult sons, her house, her dogs and here pots, pans, spatulas, spoons, etc. Twit is programmed to have to show off what "she" has. This is a mechanism that the individual develops as a result of low self esteem. The only way twit can feel good about herself is if she goes out in the world and talk about how perfect her life is with others who she can get to listen. Once that is accomplished, she is satisfied for a short while but it won't last long; thus twit will re-emerge to go out to further stroke her ego. Your observation about how she doesn't compliment others makes absolute sense as she will feel threatened if she perceives that someone has something better than she does. Isn't it stupid? Of course it is. Twit can't feel empathy, she doesn't care about others feelings, she doesn't care who she hurts as long as she is working toward her main goal which is pleasing herself (even though as I mentioned earlier that this cannot be achieved). A great example of this is her poor dog that she kept alive for no other purpose other than to make herself happy. This is a prime example. Poor dog, half alive and she couldn't find it in her selfish little heart to put him down?
I bet twit has no friends, in fact I know she doesn't. I mean, besides you telling us on the forum, no one can be friends with someone who is so self absorbed, inconsiderate and manipulative. Its a real tragedy and I bet her husband just feels so sorry for her that he won't leave her. I wonder if he has had an affair, even an emotional affair as twit is unable to have a give and take relationship. It must be so hard for him. He must be so lonely, even when twit is there.
I remember when I was around 18 and I was a waitress I worked with this guy who always came into work, talking about what possessions he had, what he bought recently, what his parents gave him (you get the idea). I hated working with him because I was so sick and tired of hearing about his $2,000 gold necklace, his $30,000 car, his new $1500 TV. It drove me absolutely nuts. I just wanted him to shut up and work. The one thing I noticed was that he always gave a price tag on whatever item of the hour that he was discussing. At the time I didn't recognize narcissism because I was so young. This guy was a fool just like twit. Here we are, 20 years later, I bet he has 3 ex-wives, credit card debt up to his eyeballs and nothing to show for it. I mean I don't wish this on anyone but its so easy to see how these twits turn out.
Appearances are important to twit. She is so invested in appearing to have the "best". This is the narcissism. I bet if she were to be having a conversation with someone, and if you recorded her conversation, you would be able to play it back, hear the subtle distortions, and you would find that she doesn't really listen and show compassion to others. Funny, I don't know twit (thank god) but I am basing this on my experiences with my 1st husband, my SD and her BM. Its sad in a way that these people live like this but we can't get dragged down by their delusions. I did feel a little sorry for my ex when his bank account got levied for unpaid child support and he had no money for food and gas but then I reminded myself that he is the one that got himself into his situation, not me. This is just an example of how programmed you become when you have to deal with individuals that are afflicted with this type off mental disorder.
I've written enough. I could go on for hours. I hope your life continues to be peaceful and wonderful.
MEGA thanks for all the
MEGA thanks for all the insight here. Right on as usual. I think people like Twit are dangerous especially when they aren't getting their needs met.
And talking to Twit is impossible because she KNOWS everything about everything. Heck, I find out new and interesting things every day, and I love it.
I remember once having to be around her at a garage sale we had awhile back and all she could do was brag, yes brag, about how she wasn't normal and she was PROUD of it! Thought that was very strange as people can be independent but bragging about not being normal. Sigh, how right she is. Had the impression she wanted some kind of, oh reaction from me, and since she wasn't getting it she just kept on and on.....remember I got a headache from her babbling.
If she was waiting for me to tell her that she was normal or such, she was barking up the wrong tree.
Well, thank you. I'm always
Well, thank you. I'm always happy to try and offer something that might be useful.
Oh geez that is so bizarre; she's proud of her craziness? She must have looked like a moron carrying on about how she "isn't normal". I'm sure anyone within an earshot was probably thinking to themselves: wow, you are just realizing you're a total buffoon?
I just had a funny thought/question that crossed my mind while I was reading your response to what I wrote: Have you ever accidentally called her "twit" to her face? I could just see it, she calls and you answer the phone; she asks for her father. Not thinking you say "one moment twit, I will get him for you". You call DH "honey, telephone-- it's twit; I mean uh it's (insert her real name here) :jawdrop:
hahahhahahhaahhhahaha }:)
makes me laugh just thinking about it.
Yep, Amber, she was bragging
Yep, Amber, she was bragging about how she has never been normal, and she was PROUD of it! As I say, people can be independent, but no one I know of, outside of Twit, has ever bragged that they were not normal and were proud of it. Oh, she was strutting around the driveway quite proud of herself (look at me like) and what she was saying. Me? Bizarro was the only word I could think of. Her strutting et. al were not normal at all, so I knew she was telling the truth. And this is a woman in her late 40's, no youngster!
You know, what it gets down to in Twit's case is that it is impossible to have a relationship, even an acquaintanceship with CRAZY. It just can't be done. One never knows where they are coming from or if something, anything, will be turned into her feeling she is insulted and fly off the handle.
This last thing with the old dog makes me thing she is along the psycho ladder than I thought. Shudder!
No, fortunately I haven't called her Twit. I keep any dealings with her to as few syllables as possible. I also don't use Twit on the few occasions DH and I have talked about her. General, he talks and I just listen or murmer something, like "oh my", or "really!" Though if I do have a question I will ask it. Makes life so much better. To tell DH, and this was advised to me by the counselor, that I never wanted him to speak her name et. al to me again, would just keep a wall between us, he would feel always on guard about it. So I let him babble about her when he feels like it. And I must admit, I do want to know what is going on with the grandson though it pains me to hear that Twit is enabling him but it is her son and her life.
You know, Amber, when you
You know, Amber, when you state you felt you were the crazy one, that is what crazy people do to you. You are never relaxed around them as you never know what is going to set them off on the next tangent. IMHO, it is a control matter that they have as well. By acting out they keep control over one. This I know, have seen it many times in my life. IMHO, it is a type of abuse.
And with Twit, well she just has to be in control. Once, way back, DH asked her to do something at a future date....to help him out. She, until the date came, kept "holding the reins" on him by telling him that she didn't know if she was going to be able to help him, or she would have to cancel due to a pot and pan scheduling conflict, etc. You get the idea. This was to let him know that SHE was in control and that he needed her and SHE had the upper hand.
As it turns out, DH found a way to get it done without her help and the shock on her when he told her so after all her threats about not being able to come through for him was priceless. I remember her shocked saying "but I was going to do that for you". Game playing and she loves it. Me, I don't play and that is one thing that has always set her off.
SDM-- for as much
SDM--
for as much pontificating as I do about personality disorders, I have seemed to forget about the "control" issue. You are 100% correct in your post/assessment above; people like this thrive on having control over others and it is a form of game playing yet, I don't understand what she thinks she is gaining by acting this way.
It's sad that your DH was treated this way by his useless daughter. What a disgrace she is. It sounded like from what you described that he had asked her for help in advance; he didn't ask at the last minute. What is upsetting about this is that she could have easily made a date to help her father and schedule her other activities/plans/pot and pan celebrations around her commitment to him. This is just further proof and validation that she is very self centered. I remember your post about how she left you and your DH out in the hot and humid weather while she went home and took a shower. I think that says it all right there.
Moving forward, if I were being treated this way by one of my boys, I would never ask them for help ever again; I would rather pay to have someone assist me than give them the satisfaction of leaving me on hold for the purposes of control.
DH should have called the
DH should have called the police and reported animal cruelty against BM and her Twit.
The only way to deal with these toothless morons is to hold them accountable for their bullshit to the fullest extent of the law.
IMHO of course.
Thanks for the advise,
Thanks for the advise, fighting. I bet he certainly is thinking about that which is probably one more reason he is so upset about it. He was up almost all night so you know he is disturbed by what he saw.
As I said, I didn't see the poor animal but from what DH says it must have been pretty bad.
Twit's got both situations.
Twit's got both situations. A son who is an alcoholic and isn't going to change regardless of how she tries to force him, and her treatment of her animals.
All I can say is Twit is a LOSER all the way around.
But you did hit something on the head --- she is very controlling about everything. I can remember us meeting them, at a set time, for things and Twit always being late. I had no doubt it was because then she could control us...we had to wait for her. I recall once a few years back when we watched one of her dogs. She was suppose to be back at 2 p.m. and didn't show up, or call, until almost 5. DH and I were attending water aerobic classes that started at 4 so we didn't get to go that day. Her comment for being late and not calling....told me what was the problem, we were retired and had nothing else to do! Can you imagine! She is like that, controlling with her "babies" as she refers to her adult male children.
I have wondered if the drunk's problems are because he revolts against her constantly telling him what he should do, controlling the purse strings, etc. but I don't know enough about alcoholism to make that kind of judgment.
She can't do that any more to me, or to DH, because we are done in that aspect. Last time she called wanting us to pooch sit DH told her we were going out. He said she whined about couldn't we change our plans as she really needed us to watch pooch. Nope, DH told her, we were on the way out the door. She was, as usual pizzed and didn't talk to him for weeks I guess.
Have to post this update. DH
Have to post this update. DH hasn't bothered with Twit since he chewed her butt out about the poor old dog incident. He hasn't been answering her calls either.
So, this morning a card comes in the mail for him from Twit. DH shows it to me. It is an "I'm Sorry" card with the inside proclaiming that she is sorry for what happened, she didn't realize the old dog was in that bad shape as.....get ready....she was OFF HER MEDS as she hadn't gotten the latest reorder yet! She needed to talk to him a.s.a.p.
Arching an eyebrow I looked over at DH and asked him if he believed this. No, he said, he did not. He actually came out and said that she uses her excuse of being off her meds, because they were slow in getting refilled (she uses a mail order pharmacy) far too often. As DH pointed out, we are on Medicare and we use a mail order pharmacy and our prescriptions get to us in a timely manner.
He says he isn't going to bother to call and listen to her bull**** about the meds etc. either.
HURRAY!!
In the past, before counseling etc., he would buy into this carp, tell me I was over reacting to something minor, etc. Now his eyes have been opened WIDE.
she's just keeping the drama
she's just keeping the drama ticking over with another type of nudge. Saddo. I'd favour the empty chair approach. Don't acknowledge this sort of corres even if an apology.