So during family therapy SD23 whined and complained that they had nowhere to go for holidays.  They don't speak to BM or siblings and have no friends.  I had invited her to join us a couple of Thanksgivings ago (when I was still trying with her), made a full dinner etc, but she was incredibly rude (decided they were vegan as we were pulling food out of the oven, made a big scene - then the next day chose Boston Market for dinner).

Being recently disengaged from the toxic narcissist, I made my own holiday plans this year and told SO he could spend the holidays with his needy adult child (I said it nicer than that, he he, but I did mean it - we could have our own private celebration the week before but otherwise he was free to visit his child, or have her come down here since I would be gone).   I am going to Napa with friends for the week (they exchanged a time share) and since the place has a kitchen, we'll make a small Thanksgiving dinner there.  I told SO he was welcome to join us for the rest of the week (SD23 currently lives in San Francisco) and seperate to spend Thanksgiving with SD.  I told him specifically that SD was not welcome to join us in Napa.

SO has a brother and sister in the Bay Area so he inquired about him and SD joining either of them for Thanksgiving dinner since SD is not capable of hosting even just SO - they rent a tiny room and don't get along with the roommates.  Brother is not having any gatherings this year, and sister said they are keeping it small but would take SD but not SO since SD had been to their house a couple of times and is considered part of his sister's "COVID circle", but SO is not (which I think is rude - either she should have invited both or not invited both but none of my business in any case).  So now SO (who would rather spend Thanksgiving in wine country with grown-ups) is trying to convince SD to go to her Aunt's house for Thanksgiving and he would visit her the day after.  SD is not pleased as what she really wanted was for both of us to stay home, SD to come here and probably stir up more stupid drama.  Ain't gonna happen.

I just find it ironic that SD complained about not seeing SO for holidays and now will probably still end up not seeing him!  It's probably a little wrong that I get some pleasure from that

Already settled my Christmas plans too (I can't visit my parents this year due to pandemic) - got a condo in Santa Fe for the week and will be going with a friend.  Assuming SO will stay here and SD will visit, which is fine as long as they are gone when I return!