It is a sad state of affairs. In my case, I was much closer to the grandskids before DH and I married. Of course, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree when they see how the SD (their mother) treats me and I'm certain they hear how she talks about me. I don't have a snowball's chance in hell.

My son once told me that his child might be confused as to who his grandparents were if I remarried. My response was that he would have that many additional people love him, which is the case.

Often, it only takes one bad apple to ruin the bushel for everyone. SD is that bad apple by her own choosing.

My father lost his mother at the same age as my SD. His dad remarried. I had two stepgrandmas because my grandpa's second wife died also.

I loved my step grandmothers with my whole heart .I have very fond memories of all my grandparents step and otherwise.

I am sure this was possible because my parents had a thing called being "civil" and kind to all others.

My SD's are the epitome of selfish. As proved by the close relationship I did have with my own step grandkids, and the fact they are now held as blackmail. We and our grandchildren went fishing, to the lake, played ball, read stories, played endless hours of games, snuggled, giggled , watched birds, played with pets, patiently let them help with construction projects etc. etc. etc.. I work full time and overtime at a managerial position. We were not babysitters, we were grandparents. Same kind I had growing up.

We were a good positive image to them and a great memory. I find it very tragic.

I will be forever grateful to my Dad for allowing step grandparents into my life.

What's your definition of being "close". See each other all the time, talk several times a week, text, FB?

Many time the GPs step or not don't live near by. Often they are very busy and may still be raising their own kids.

My GPs had over 30 grandkids. My GM was still having babies after her first grandchild was born. So her perspective on gkids was not the same as gps that have been empty nesters for years waiting anxiously for the first gkid to be born. I never once got a present from her as they had very little money and there was no way she could buy for 90 gkids. But I always got her and GD presents after I started earning money.

My mother did not get her first and only gkid until she was about 60. She always lived across country from him but she absolutely adored him.

As mentioned above, DH and I are still rasing a child. DH's gkids are nice and sweet (still young enough LOL), but I am not that interested in being grandma. I have a busy life, work full-time, have 2 homes to manage and a young teen at home.

I used to make more time for the sgkids before SD turned into the evil witch. Coincidentally she started getting nastier once she had kids. I think she thought she had all the power once she reproduced. DH absolutely LOVES his gkids and at times puts our BS 2nd to them, which bothers me.

OUr marriage counsellor stated the obvious, DH and I are at different stages in life even though we are only 6 years apart. He wants to be the typical gpa, and dote on his gkids and have his live evolve around SD and her kids. That is also what SD wants.

I am a busy working mom to my own BS, and don't have the need or the time to get overly involved (even before SD turned on me)with gkds. If I saw them once a month that would be plenty for me.
DH wants to see them - it seems - every weekend. He does see them everyday right now as we live so close. He wanders over there everyday while i am at work.

I obviously did not think this whole step family thing through enough since I figured once the SD's were grown we would be able to live our life in peace, NOT SO!

I am sick of all the step shit that goes on in my situation.

I think for the sake of their children, the skids need to put their resentment aside and allow their parents to have relationships with their kids even if it includes the step-parents. My dh loves his grandson and so treasures any moment to be around him, sd allows it and generally we see sgk at family events but that is it for the most part. Sd will drive over to bm's or even pick bm up and take her back to her place and I'm sure bm sees sgk a whole lot more than dh gets to see his grandchild. All because sd has had so much resentment over the relationship dh and I have. She's played the old I'll cut you in and out of my life card to dh due to her jealousy and that is one sad thing, but how terrible that now her child's relationship with his grandfather is affected too...

My relationship with grandsteps was wonderful until my husband died. I had some issues with his adult children about the trust (lots of money spent on lawyers, lots of stress, them getting more than they were meant to get). In the midst of all this, they began to bad mouth me to my grands, telling lies about me and telling the grands they couldn't speak to me until they were 18. Now, I never hear from grands. I still send cards with money or gift certs, but I have little hope of ever seeing them again. It's been the hardest thing for me to let go of, harder even than the death of my husband. The girls and I were in love with each other. How quickly that died when their parents bad mouthed me. I now call them my ghost grandchildren. It is indeed a tragedy.

I am certain that when/if gskids are born, I will have very little to do with them. My SO probably won't be included much either - which he already is resigned to. That's because BM has made it clear that SHE is the center of the universe, so doubtless she will as usual (passively aggressively) make it clear that the gskids should have nothing to do with us.

Especially me, since I never had children and she will most certainly use that as a reason for telling the skids to not ever leave small infants or kids with us.

Reading everyone's stories on here has been beneficial, though, because it shows that I should not expect much in that regard. If it is positive, all the better. But I'm not counting on it.

We hoped to consider all grands, bio and step, OURS, but the first came along and bm made sure to start the drama up again immediately. Within two weeks there were horrible texts back and forth and within a month we were cut off from our first grand. Soooo... I guess we will just consider my kids OUR grands and be done.