Sd21 Birthday Soon
So.....sd21's is fast approaching, and as I am now disengaged I do not lift a finger to " remind" DH about getting the card, what to give her, etc.....
It is also a special BD as it is her 21st ( I rounded up her age on here as it was easier than writing 20 almost 21 all the time !! ) and now DH says he is doubling the BD money he usually gives her !! As this year is special.... Why, oh, why do I feel like this is such a waste of HIS money ?? Why do I feel he is just throwing more money at her, and in return he will get nothing back ( in form of the usual Father/ Daughter relationship that is ) She barely emails him, never sends Bd cards, Xmas cards of FD cards, etc.....manages eventually to return an email to him, with her latest illness scare (lies ) and thinly veiled requests for more money !!
Also, although I haven't mentioned this to DH, I am wondering HOW he is going to send the card to her.....sd21 moved in with the sap bf ( and housemates) five months ago and STILL hasn't told DH where she lives !!! I find this very strange, surely you would like to know where your daughter is living?? Especially, as very soon there will be demands for more handouts, as College restarts and she has just spent 4 months doing NOTHING !!
Disengagement is really hard at times like this !! Grrrrrr !!!
Oh, yes I have let it go,
Oh, yes I have let it go, just sharing with the other confuzzled steps out there !!! He has been rewarding her bad behaviour for years, and even now she is an Adult and has not lived with us for over 2 years ( she is about to start 2nd year at College ) and therefore has no rules AT ALL anymore ....
I knew we would have trouble with the skids when they became teens.... And we did with sd21 and now as Adults, I wonder what the future holds.....my DH is always swinging from being sad with the state of their relationship and resigned to the fact that it will always be one sided. I have argued until I am blue in the face that there is no respect in such a relationship and that really the hand outs should have stopped a long time ago, but WTF can you do ??? I love my DH soo much, he is a great wonderful man, but anything to do with sd21 and he becomes a giant, guilty jellyfish !!!
I had fun looking at all the lovely little things I would have got my own bio ( if I had one) for their 21st ....you know like the fun pressies, say 21 tiny jokey gifts in a box....the balloons....the banners and decorations...... I remember my own parents planning my big 21st BD party , hiring the space, decorating it together, the invites and then spending the night with ALL my relatives . I remember thanking them for doing that for me, it was so special..... Love and respect goes a long way and it doesn't cost ANYTHING......something my sd21 doesn't understand or care about at all.......
I am in the same situation as
I am in the same situation as you and it DRIVES ME NUTS how my DH (who has ZERO relationship with both his daughters) CONTINUES to send them b-day cards w/ $$ and Christmas $$$. He really BELIEVES that if he continues to do it (rather than not), they'll eventually come around and want a relationship with him. He insists if he stops, they'll never come around. He's so sappy desperate, and I get SOOOOO COMPLETELY FRUSTRATED with his "drooling" over the "hopes that someday if he keeps giving out free handouts, they'll come around. I learn to just ignore it when it comes to special days for them.
This year, he even sent them gift cards for Easter. SERIOUSLY?????? THEY ARE ADULTS, not kiddies that need Easter treats!!!
OH, and get this, the OSD (23) who has been married for over a year now, he sent her a valentines card. ewwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!! That should be reserved for her "NOW HUSBAND" dude!!!
Oh, and he's all giddy with people when he tells them he's soooo glad to be able to keep his OSD on his medical insurance cause he's not sure if her husband (who has a FT job) has insurance for her.
BARF
(speaking of OSD --- she just had her one year wedding anniversary, and I remembered it, but it's not on our calendar, cause DH wasn't invited to it to even walk her down the isle........did I mention it to him? HECK NO!!!! NO MORE FREE HAND OUTS if I can avoid it!!!)
Sooo, DH got the BD card for
Sooo, DH got the BD card for sd21 and it's just a nice classic 21st BD card, he didn't go OTT, or even write tons of sentimental guilty claptrap in it..... I was so surprised.
He didn't even try to " chase" sd21 down and get her new address, he sent it to BM's address, sd21 should be there near her BD to pick it up, I guess. I don't think sd21 even cares about the card, just the money DH will be sending ( it goes straight into her bc, so not sent with the card) , as per usual.
My DH has gone a bit silent about all things concerning sd21, since the recent visit. I think his eyes are opening a bit. Having the seperate email account to contact her on ( we decided to do this after yet more arguements earlier this year ) he can REALLY see just how much she DOESN'T contact him, and the pattern of behaviour.....he doesn't hear anything for a couple of months, he emails, she waits, then sends a memail, he replies praising her for doing that, etc, then no contact again..... Etc,etc. He tries ringing, her phone is always out of charge, like 8 times out of 10.....
So, just the card for sd21, ALL the tons and tons of little presents and extras you would have recieved , if you showed any love and respect to your Father, I feel like adding to YOUR karma train....... Ouch......that's going to hurt when it HITS YOU !!!!