I do love him
Forums:
I love my husband very much. I worry that my marriage may come to an end if his adults kids cant get there life in order and it isn't fare. Like I said I love him and the only reason I have stayed this long is because of my love for him. His kids are all married why cant they deal with it. Am I being selfish. When things come about with his kids he gets up set and in a bad mood who is the one he takes it out on me. I feel sorry for him but I cant help him with it. Just wore out. Thanks for letting me vent.
I feel exactly the same. I
I feel exactly the same. I love my husband with all my heart but I'm not sure love is enough. I told the therapist last night that I always thought if two people loved each other, there was nothing they couldn't fix. She told me that was probably a little idealistic. It never occurred to me that it might be that way. Honestly, though, I don't know how marriages on this board survive when the stepparent is disengaged from the step kids. I want it to work for us because that's the only way it will but I'm not sure how to do it.
Are the kids problems
Are the kids problems centered around you? I.e. if you were gone would the problems mostly disappear? If so has he arranged for his estate to be passed through you to them? Many times its the feared loss of an inheritance that causes the children to try and get a new wife out of the picture.
If so send me a private message and I'll explain more about Living Trusts. No I don't sell or set them up.
Great words Echo! Last night
Great words Echo!
Last night DH got into a huge fight re: SS48 wanting to use our truck for the ex-wife this weekend while we're gone. I told him in anger to pack a bag and leave. This morning I sat him down before work and told him that I did NOT sign up for all this adult stepkid and the ex-wife bullshit when I said I do.
I told him he needs to find his balls and then to think about who he wants to be married to - me or the ex (I'm done sharing!)
Our personal property is NOT for the exwife's use. There have been many times that the SKs borrowed our stuff and brought it back broken. And of course, they never offered to have it fixed/repaired.
I am so at my breaking point right now with all their bullshit and games they play. I want to go on vacation this week, and now I have to worry about which adult idiots as well as the exwife being on my property.
This might end up being another holiday we stay home because someone can't say one word - NO!!!
Lack of boundaries for sure.
Lack of boundaries for sure. On both sides. Of course, their lack of boundaries are taught by parents who have a lack of boundaries.
Nora, Please do not allow
Nora, Please do not allow your DH to take his frustrations out on you. Disengage. This means not talking about his kids at all. If he brings them up just say, "Hmmm." If he starts taking HIS problems out on you, tell him you will speak to him when he has calmed down, but you will not allow him to take his anxiety and anger out on you, it's not yours to own. Then leave the room and let him think about it.
Whatever happened in Marriage
Whatever happened in Marriage where the husband and wife are supposed to put eachother first? I am treated equally with his kids and his mother. It's crap!
"Whatever happened in
"Whatever happened in Marriage where the husband and wife are supposed to put each other first?" That was before second marriages and step children. Of course, Cinderella was an exception but then we only got HER side of the story. In my opinion society created this idealized picture of 'the happy little family'. Mom and Dad loved each other, kids adored and minded the parents. Second marriages after a divorce are a whole different animal, still against many religions, etc. SMs are still painted in a negative light.
One time my Sister said to me, "I think the kids should come first." And that is what an awful lot of people still believe as long as they are still married to their children's father. In actuality the parents place each other first as the children grow into adults and leave the home but they still spout off, "The children come first." When the parents divorce and marry another person the same societal 'rules' seem to apply. Many DHs really think their kids come first even when they are adults. This is where my DH and I were 3 1/2 years ago. DH was very conflicted because he had to make a choice between what society told him what to do and think vs. making the second marriage work.
The reason things changed was because I went to counseling by myself, gained self confidence and self respect. Yes, SD and I are NOT equal but I had to believe it myself first before DH started treating me with respect. Even today I do not know if I am first or not but I will not allow DH to TREAT me otherwise. If DH ever wanted to bring back the old days of SD abuse he'd have to leave.
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your response's. I am sorry if I was sounding like a whinny baby. Sometimes I Just get so over whelmed by it all.
Step daughter went to court today she will stay in jail tell she goes back to court on July 7. Thank God. Not sure what will happen then. They got her for probation violation. I'm glad I read all the comments because my husband said you want to go to the court house I said know but you can. I don't think he was even going to go but asked me if I was. I'm proud of him because I have seen some changes in him, But I have also seen him back slide. We cant get collect calls but she keeps on trying. Last time went spent 500.00 just in her collect calls, he said he isn't doing that again. Her sister the mini wife told my husband someone should be with her in court for moral support. I was thinking in my head have at it. I have had my share of all the bs. I don't know what I would do with out this site sometimes Thank you all so very much hugs.