Dh wanted homeless skid to stay another week.

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Skid 23 has had issues since before age 10, when I met him. Bm had lied about who the father is and kept him in another state named after another guy up until this point. So he's had many issues, mainly with being a brat and out of control and spoiled, in and out of group homes, juvie, you name it. It's been hell dealing with him.

Fast foward to now-Skid has been homeless off and on since age 18. He has a girlfriend-their relationship has been very off and on as well. He's lived with her at times, others couch-hopping. Bm passed a little over a year and a half ago (we never got along) and predictably he went off the deep end. I understand this to a point, but calling dh a dumbf*&ck because he wouldn't bail skid out of jail when he pulled some stunt (and he didn't have some job he needed to go back to, he collected ssi for tantrums at the time) was low.

Dh felt sorry for him and let him stay a week over Christmas break. That was royal hell as I imagined. He ate us out of house and home even though dh and I both got onto him (my coffee only survived cuz I hid it), read a journal where I'd written about him and forgotten about it and left it on my dresser-he was in our room talking to dh and picked it up. Dh had the audacity to confront me about it and I flew off the handle. He stayed up until the wee hours of the morning and then whined about being woken up at 12:30 (I played a video to hopefully wake him up, bahahaha!!!!!! }:) }:) The blessed Christmas day he finally left he was pissy because dh wouldn't wake up and take him to his grandma's (on bm's side) house soon enough. I didn't give a flip aside from wanting him to leave ASAP. I was having NONE of his attitude and told him he should've said something the night before or takekn a bus. (dh has insomnia). Skid goes off, tells me not to defend dh, and it ends with me telling him " take your anger and shove it up your a@@. you're the biggest a**hole I've ever met in my life.f*&k you!!"

Skid broke up with girlfriend and supposedly ran out of places to go. Dh mentioned the title of post. Given the history I wasn't thrilled. He didn't end up staying but dh told me a couple days after I first found out that he was sitting in a parking lot with nowhere to go. What kind of dad am I to not tell him to come here? I said the kind of dad that wants his son to learn how to be an adult. In a subsequent conversation skid came up and I said he's overdue for some big boy panties. Dh mentioned how he's starving (he's lost a lot of weight) and I said well there's these things called soup kitchens, and jobs. (he can't get foodstamps due to them thinking he still gets ssi I believe). Dh said he's got mental problems and can't work. I said I have no doubt he's got issues but there are people who WORK with those issues and he's been in counseling long enough as a kid that he knows how to get help and the tools. He's just a wannabe titty baby who needs to learn how to be an adult.

Sounds like my SS to a t who

Sounds like my SS to a t who is now 30. He is not allowed here period. He always finds someone to mooch off of.

BM is alive but her DH will not allow him in their home either.

Eta - the weight loss probably has nothing to do with starving. Most likely drugs/alcohol.

Didn't even think of that as

Didn't even think of that as far as the weight and it makes sense. I'll mention it to dh next time he sings poor skid and see what he says.

There are people with issues

There are people with issues similar to his (bipolar, ADD though in my experience he seems to be more ODD-zero discipline disorder) who work through there issues and hold down jobs. He's had his hand held long enough and now it's time for dad to put his titty back in his bra (he's better than some people though). I mean he's been an adult for FIVE YEARS. He knows how to look up a phone number for mental health or walk down to social services and see a counselor. He's been couch-hopping and staying with his girlfriend for 5 years and has worked almost not at all the entire time. He's just as capable of finding resources as we are, and he doesn't have kids (thank GOD) and a 50+ hour a week and NO overtime-long story- job to hold down on top of it all. I get what you are saying but we've TRIED directing him to resources. He just wants a free ride and I'm over it. I don't think calling him a titty baby helps, but that's not the point of calling him one. The point of that is to vent-that is the point of this forum is it not?. I don't want to see him on the streets but after 13 years of hell I'm done. He can either find his own resources or not-I've got enough problems I create of my own and I already dealt with one week of hell, and that's just him as an adult, and only one visit.

As far as the SSI goes he was working until the SSI came through and he did just fine. No reason I don't see why he can't get a job, say, working as a janitor cleaning buildings at night as an example, or train to work from home so he doesn't have to deal with people (or get an agency to deal with people FOR him and deduct some of the cost out of his paycheck). What's he gonna do, go off on a toilet and break it? Then he's gotta pay for a new toilet!

I hope I'm not coming across as overly defensive.

That's not true, but you have

That's not true, but you have to understand it's been years of HELL with skid. Also dh has a savior complex so anytime I give an inch he takes a mile-he tends to attract people who want to be enabled and not helped. And I WILL "vent away" thank you very much-I was trying to be nice and open when I stated I. HOPE. I. AM. NOT. COMING. ACROSS. AS. DEFENSIVE. Smh

and **NEWSFLASH** Five years is long enough to figure out how to rent an apartment, apply for a job, and hold down said job. It's not going to traumatize him. Many young people, myself included, teach themselves.

DH made all the same excuses

DH made all the same excuses for ss30 for over 7 years. Had ss and ss's gf living with him and DH was completely supporting everyone. DH told me that he thought ss had PTSD from being in the military. Funny that ss was never deployed and never in combat. He got booted out for being a doosh, pulling a weapon and fighting unfairly with a comrade. He'd say, "ss just needs a place to hide from the world for awhile." Enable much?! DH thought I'd be peachy keen with the situation when we got together, after all I am a mom to minors so one more helpless male is no big deal right? It was off and on for about 2 years with ss trying to skid back home. Fights all the time about ss staying "just one night" that turned into 10 nights or weeks. ss telling me what to get for him (with my money) while I was at the grocery store.

I put my foot down hard after about 2 years, no more couch surfing. DH insisted still paying his high phone usage bill every month and that only ended after I purposefully upgraded my phone to a more expensive plan and we couldn't afford ss on our bill anymore. ss had the newest Iphone (paid for by daddy) and always went over on data while I had a cheap ass phone that didn't even go online. Funny thing that after DH stopped paying his bills ss got a job and has stuck with it. He's still couch surfing but not here.

I hope your DH has had a plan in place been weaning your ss off the wallet slowly. Like paying less and less each month to get him used to paying his bills. To pay fully for years and then be completely cut off will be abrupt for a slacker. Good to hear he's not in your home.

To address above posters, everyone can do something. There are girls with Down Syndrome that are paid to clean the machines in my gym. My son with a mild learning disability regularly volunteers at the animal shelter. Lowes has a program that works with people who have mental/physical disabilities. There is NO excuse for an able bodied adult to laze around, do nothing and still be fully supported by their parents. I know I'll have to help 2 of my sons along in life but they will do as much as they can. Skid can join Americorps or the national guard, the military, do odd jobs for an elderly person in exchange for board.