Chasing SD
Dh paid 5k for daughter's college tuition this week, but never got the bank statement as ex and her sidekick promised.. No thank you.......nothing. She leaves next week for Middle East for the semester. Unbelievably, dh still wants a relationship with this back stabbing parasite. He is likely going to call her to go out to dinner, and say he will not discuss her mother, the unaccounted for monies, nothing. He will put down his sword.
It is laughable. She says and most importantly does terrible things against him and I.. And he never tells her he is finished, even for the time being. Is this unconditional love, or blind stupidity?
I told him if he goes through with this she is to know that I will not be in her presence, ever. And holidays...SHE can have him. I am finished caring about this shit. He will be on the hamster wheel of craziness with these bitches forever. That is the only conclusion......he chases and they stomp on him like a flea..but they are acting as they have been raised to do.......I believe that.....he was abused by his ex, took it, and daughters are mirroring their mother.
He is thinking of calling her
He is thinking of calling her yes. She has an emotional need for him, but doesn't have a drip of respect for him.. It is entirely one sided and that is why it continues to fail. No she will not change her number, she seeks attention from him, but is unable to not play the victim.. And if dh looks at her cross eyed, she sics her mother on him like a vicious dog.
Yes...........and there is no
Yes...........and there is no end in sight. Why won't she and her mother not agree to emancipation? When they can keep the college money and child support flowing for another few more years. That is what I fear next year.......an expensive battle to unhook her. She also is the last, and psychologically they like control over dh..
My only thought is it possible that if they do have a relationship then will it prevent a battle to emancipate ?
My husband and I were both
My husband and I were both chasers and also attempted to lure them into loving us with shiny pretties, fun experiences, and bailing them out and rescuing them from their choices and the life they were born into with the bm at the helm. All of it gave only temporary warm and fuzzies. As soon as the novelty wore off or the money was spent or real life encroached on them again, we were in the doghouse again, where we would stay intil we were needed again. neither my husband or I ever held them accountable for this behavior, or even talked about it with them. we accepted this crap under the guise of "unconditional love" and we didn't do them any favors! only in the past year or two have we been firming up as to their behavior towards us, which is too late as they are already formed human beings. They are resentful and hateful and above all else, self proclaimed victims. And he has a "check the block" relationship with each at this point, while I have zero.
Dh has had a rough go of it
Dh has had a rough go of it with the state family court. They essentially stripped him of any authority as a father and his ex has total control over their daughters, who are now all adults.
The problem with this all is that all of them have ignored the elephant in the room.......the court battles.........
They harp on about being victims, yet they go after him in court for cars, cell phones, the list goes on.....
Dh never has gone there..........discussing any emotional subject is very hard for him..
The bottom line is you can not have a relationship with ANYONE that you are in court against!! And that has been the issue here. Those girls never had to make a choice.....either you engage in a respectful relationship with your father....ie.....when he takes away HIS car for flunking college, you accept it........but if you go above him to court.......relationship over for now.....
Exactly!!! That is why this
Exactly!!! That is why this problem has festered for so long. Most people would have your reaction. If an adult child is sueing a parent in court, the parent would not just ignore it and have Sunday dinner with the kiddos...
But in my dh's case, this is what happened. He continued to wine and dine oldest daughter, and the youngest daughter saw all this years ago, and no comment was made, other than poor sister, boo hoo, who is her idol. Dh was very wrong, he says he kept on with the relationship because he hoped she would change.
So now ten years later, tens of thousands of HIS money gone to lawyers..
No relationship with daughters, who should have had to make a choice, and they continue their crazy mantra of victim hood.
And dh doesn't say boo, other than to pay the bills..
New, you are exactly right -
New, you are exactly right - their mother taught them how to treat their father, and they are doing it. He is accepting it and will continue to do so.
This is the dance they have learned and the steps they will continue to do over and over again. As you said, keep yourselve on the sidelines and stay away. The only thing in it for you is mashed toes!
I often wonder if these situations where money is available only makes matters worse. It all revolves around the money and how to glom onto it or extract it from their father's wallets. If there is no "transaction" involved, then the skids show no interest in their father. Maybe some men are content to be nothing more than ATM machines for their kids - how sad.
While there may be skids drama in other families where there IS NO money, I still think that the kinds revolving around money are the worst.
Because it's always about the money. In cases where Dad doesn't have two dimes to rub together, at least you can say the skids aren't in it just for the dough.
Just an update. Dh is now
Just an update. Dh is now ambivalent about trying to meet with his daughter this week before she leaves for the semester. Too much has gone on recently with her, their last and only one in a year........conversation she hung up on him and really what is the point? He wants a relationship with people who no longer exist. He tells me he recalls their childhood, but after that........he really does not know them sadly. They no longer are the cute little girls........they are adults who have not a drip of respect for him or his family.