I have been to 4 out of 5 sk weddings. (well, #1 was long before she was my sd). But. For 2 of them, there was a good neutral distance, and quite frankly it was largely in the hands of the wedding couple. When the wedding couple set the tone of inclusion, it worked. This past June it was ysd's turn, and it was a freaking disaster in terms of the wedding couple and the in-law parents. But because of other circumstances (xw's father died the night before the wedding), all four of us parents/step-spouses bonded in the most amazing ways.
So I've encountered the whole range, from awful to weird to amazing. The stronger you are as a couple with your dh, the better you'll get through it.

I've got one left to get married and I've thought about this since I've disengaged. I haven't attended any bday celebrations since the disengagement and don't plan to attend any of their family events. I don't know about a wedding tho. I hope things are better by then. If it happened as things are now, I would probably go but I sure as hell wouldn't like to.

If it was my SD19 that I am disengaged from, no I would not as long as I am disengaged. I doubt at this point DH would even go and I doubt she would even invite us. I am sure she would call then to get money but again...nope. I have pondered going to SD22's wedding if she gets married though. Her and I get along so well now that she is grown up BUT there is one flaw I have with her and that is that she once said if she got married she would want her Mother and Father to dance to song together. I don't know if I could stomach seeing my DH dance with BM, thinking it would make me feel a little too awkward. I suppose if I downed some tequila I would be fine, might be naked though as tequila gets to me haha! Then again, I have her half sisters so I may have no choice as I refuse to let my kids be around SD19 or BM without me and I wouldn't want to take them away from seeing there sister married. However DH says it would be a cold day in hell before he would dance with BM even if it was a wedding and him turning her down ruined it. She has caused way too many issues for him that started LONG before me.

Sorry if non of this made sense and I jumped back and forth on the answer. Also my apologies for letting you all know what tequila does to me....there is a country song out there that fits me to a tee with tequila!

Well, I'm sure I would have never been invited (even if I didn't divorce 'daddy') but, I wouldn't have cared and wouldn't have gone if I had been invited. Alas, I don't see either one of my xSK's getting married though. xSD is a psycho, who can't keep a friend, let alone a man, and xSS (I believe in my heart) is 'in the closet' and will NEVER come out b/c THOSE people (hypocrite family) are massively narrow minded. They'd probably send him to be de-gayed or something, lol.

Definately I will go to my son's wedding (SS-21)if and when it happens. If DickHead or any of the other SpermClan show up, I will laugh when they get hauled out of the wedding by their bovine nose rings probably in hand cuffs.

Not one of them has ever called to congratulate SS on any of his life accomplishments, nor participated in any way buch less actually attended a Skid event. No call when he was won a writing award for the DARE program, no call when he was honored by being selected to play with the Marine Corps band on the fantale of the USS Missouri on the 10 year anniversary of that historic ship being anchored at the Pearl Harbor memorial in Hawaii, no call when he was thriving at Military School, no call when he graduated from HS, no call when he joined the USAF, no call when he graduated from basic, or tech school or when he has been promoted. Not a call, not a card. Absolutely nothing but manipulation during visitation, bitching about having to pay a pittance in CS, bitching about how he was spoiled and did not need the nice things that his mom and I provided for him, bitching about how it was not fair that he had XYZLMNOP and his three younger also out of wedlock SpermIdiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas didn't, etc.....

I look forward to the entertaining fire works if any of the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool ever actaully show their faces at any of SS's significant life events including a wedding. The half sibs would be welcomed at least until they invariably choose to follow in the footsteps of their SpermIdiot but if any of the elder SpermClan members show up ... GAME ON!!!

}:)

OSD got married in July and didnt even invite FDH. Because he is with me, she has decided she doesn't want to talk to him.

What could I have done that would warrant such hate? I dont know considering I have literally spent 15 minutes with her. However, it was a small wedding and BM was there and BM is awful, hostile, so it is a good thing we weren't invited.

MSD17 and YSD14 I am disengaged from and probably wouldn't attend. If things changed, the yes, even though it would be uncomfortable with BM.

SS20 I have a decent relationship with, so that is a better possibility.

My SD22 eloped 4 years ago and tried to keep it a secret so we wouldn't know to terminate CS.

She is divorced now (big surprise).

If she has a wedding in the future, I suppose we will go and stay as far away from BM as possible, since my husband is highly allergic to her.

Hopefully, SD will just elope again.

I met BM during sd's wedding prep the day before the wedding. I was starting to get nervous meeting her because DH and I had been married a few years and I had never met her. I had not been nervous to meet her at first but anticipation of the 1st mtg became a little nerve wracking after a number of years due to the build up. She turned out fine (drama free) and it wasn't a problem.

I think the anticipation is much worse than the actual event. She's probably nervous to meet you as well. Of course the BM in my case is unusually drama free. As I've stated before, it was always MIL that was the problem for me, not BM.

I did have an awkward moment when the wedding coordinator (my friend) said "you beat her" (re: BM) or something to that effect because I was the did the majority of the work for the wedding. She said this in front of my sd's friend. I had NEVER mentioned BM in a competitive way and did not appreciate this comment. It's funny how other people see you in competition even if you don't.

I personally sat in the back at SDs wedding. I had too much to do to sit in the front. At ss's wedding I sat in the front. Someone ushered me there and it wasn't until later that I realized it was the family area. I'm absent minded and honestly had not thought about it and would have been fine to sit in the back. I've always preferred being in the back of most events (save theater).

To be accurate I should mention that step drama did exist. SD stopped talking to me while I pretty much did all the work for her wedding (I would have quit if it wasn't so close and she was more mentally stable). She was fine at the wedding. I believe her new groom saw how rude she was and talked sense into her.

SDIL was icy to me at her wedding. I was late (not on purpose and still before wedding). She had been icy for several yrs for no fault of mine, so eh whatever. I had a good time as I sat with friends and danced with DH. I did not offer to help at this wedding (learned my lesson from sd's and yrs of SDIL RA) so it was more relaxing.

That's just to say, neither wedding was perfect and the whole sd drama dynamic did rear it's ugly head but it didn't take over either day.

I ended up having fun because I sat with people I really enjoyed and drank champagne. I really didn't pay much attention to anyone else. If you can request to sit next to good friends, do so. You'll have very little time with the bride or groom. The time eating at the reception is where most memories happen in my experience.

I don't think that's a worry for me, I wouldn't be invited and I don't think SD will ever find someone to marry her }:)

I'm dreading my SKs getting married because I cannot stand their mother. She's a fake, materialistic, evil bitch and the longer I go without seeing her, the happier I am. I haven't seen her since Sd19 graduated high school in 2012 and she was her completely phony fake nice self which made me want to puke. After all the bullshit she put my DH through over the years, she needs to just say a polite hello and get the hell away from us.I can just see her turning SD's wedding into a total overblown circus and trying to stick DH with half the bill, then accusing him of not loving his daughter if he doesn't pay. DH and I don't believe in big, overblown weddings and I can just see that bitch going all over the top and ridiculous trying to put on some huge wedding she can't afford. Luckily, SD is focusing on college right now and hopefully marriage is very far off for her. My SS23 has only dated 2 girls ever and never had a long term relationship, so I'm hoping a wedding for him is pretty far off also. And I definitely hope both kids just elope. Or at least have the sense to seat Dh and I far away from their mom and stepfather. Honestly, it wouldn't bother me a bit to be put in the second row or last row, as long as that means I don't have to sit near their big fat cow mother.

I'm not a crazy BM, but a silent one. I guess my ex's wife is lucky as I don't speak to my ex (horrible divorce in 2007 after 25 years and haven't even seen him since 2010)and I've NEVER spoken to her. (They had a 6 year affair when we were married.) They are non-existent to me and me to them which really works well for us. MY DD28 is getting married next year and has nothing to worry about because we simply don't speak! So, DD doesn't have to worry about any drama...nothing. There will be enough other people there to buffer the situation, so no problem. I'm sure my DD knows enough to keep me as far away from her father as possible and I'm sure will do her best. I won't ask...she just KNOWS.

It's my poor dh who doesn't want to go. He lost his temper a year ago when DD and her fiancee were spending the night in our basement and they heard him go off on me ABOUT them. They had hurt me badly during the summer (long story) and stepparents aren't as quick to forgive Sks as BPs. I've seen HIM forgive HIS sons when I remain livid for months and he's the same way with MY DDs. Just the way it is. Anyway, he will attend the wedding although he'd rather not, but he'll go to support ME as it will be mostly my ex's family. My family is not of money and her wedding is in another state, so only one of my brothers and his wife are going. If it wasn't for dh and them going, it would be VERY uncomfortable for me and I know DD knows that. She doesn't care for dh but is mature enough to know how I'd feel without him and is inviting him...for ME. Besides, it would be pretty petty of her to invite her father's spouse and not mine.

I dread the thought of going and its to the point that fear overcomes me when I think about it. I don't even know if SO would even be invited to the wedding. BM hates my guts and the skids hardly talk to me. BM has convinced the kids that I was the reason for their divorced even though its not true. I started dating SO a year after they separated, but BM told the skids she wanted to reconcile, but I stole him away from her and the skids believe her. SO said he had no plans to reconcile with her regardless of whether or not I came into the picture. I hate being blamed for something I didn't do. And I hate that skids treat their father so poorly based on false information.

In my heart I know that the right thing to do would be to go and ignore BM. I just hope when the time comes I can bring myself go (if I'm invited).

I think it depends on your situation, every one is different. You have to go with what you feel is right I think....

My H's eldest married a few years ago, and her wedding was exactly the way I (sadly) thought it would be.

When we arrived H's eldest would barely speak to us. I attempted to be the bigger person back then and told her she looked beautiful, to which I received no response (big surprise)

BM was fine, fortunately she is supportive and her and I have never had any real issues. We warmly greeted each other, big smiles and warm hellos, etc.. only to have H's sister come rushing across the dance floor to interrupt us...as if there might be some confrontation between BM and I and H's sister had to be the one to intervene to insure all went well. Oh the ridiculous drama of it all! But that's a whole other post!

H and I were seated at the back several tables back from the head table, while BM and her family were right up front of course. Even FIL and H's sister were seated at a table closer to the head table than H and I (H's daughter was really making a point of sticking it to us)

I stupidly suggested to H that perhaps he should ask his daughter for the first dance, as this is what father's do. H complied only to have his daughter pull one of the worst tricks yet and while they were dancing and tell him some horrific story about some thing he had supposedly done (pushed SSIL) at his and H's daughter's Jack & Jill (whole other post as well)

Then later in the evening when FIL asked me to dance, H's eldest stood in the entrance to the hall just staring me down the whole time. When FIL asked me for a second dance right after (and we were about two of just a handful of people on the dance floor at that point) YSD came running across the dance floor and practically knocked me over to cut in and dance with FIL...then continued to run, jump on, and carry on with some guy through most of night which shocked and disgusted some people...she was about 23 at the time

So it went pretty much the way I expected....no major shocks for me but sometimes I laugh and think I could write a book about it all

I've been thinking about and dreading the day this might happen. I have not met BM and neither of us really have anu desire to meet. Or ever be in the same place at the same time.

I think the issue would not being not invited, more about how stressful both SD's, BM and I would find it. I had to bow out of a graduation screening (film student) of SD23 as she was getting stressed about how uncomfortable her Mum would be. And then I felt bad about being the cause of everyone's stress so just didn't go. Not that I really wanted to go-and tbh was quite happy to stay home.... but it's the principle of putting BM's feelings before their own that really gives me the sh**s.

SD23 has a steady boyfriend and *might* get married in a few years...but before that I have to get through SD20's 21st birthday which is in Feb. I'll post a new thread on that as it's already causing me huge amounts of stress.

When my SD got married, she was on the outs with her mom. Why? Because she had the gall to "abandon" bm and move out into an apartment. She was 19 when this happened and bm didn't take to her growing up and starting independent life well. In fact, hearing about and reading texts and emails from BM, she used the same tired lingo she used on DH from the divorce. Abandonment being central theme. It was twisted and super weird. Anyway...shortly later sd met her boyfriend and it was on like donkey kong. They were hot and heavy. SD was emotionally stunted by her BM IMO...and it was her first real relationship. Of course when she was growing up BM discouraged relationshsps with anyone but her. During this time my DH and I were very close with SD and the boyfriend. They'd drive regularly to our state, we would talk every day, etc. of course mom took the boyfriend news about as well as she took the moving out news. She withheld ysd from seeing her sister, turned ysd against OSD, refused to see her, harassed her via text, all that. So they announced, six months in, that they wanted to get married. Not a good idea, as there were already some alarm bells (ie boyfriend wanting to prove to sd he really loved her, some conflicts and fightin, boyfriend was planning to join military and wanted to do it before shipping out but of course sd talked him out of that idea anyway) but all we could do, as parents, is inform them it's okay to wait, no rush, etc etc but if the decision is made we back them up with a smile. So the wedding was on and BM HIT ROOF. long story short, she went back and forth on attending. At the end of the day, she didn't attend, nor did ysd, nor did grandparents on that side of family. Who the hell doesn't go to the wedding? Hmmm. Someone who always has to have what they feel is the upper hand. Someone who can't concede for a second. Someone who sees the world as us vs. them. Of course, the wedding day was fabulous without her there. I lit the unity candle and everything and was the mother of the bride. What a pretty little picture. Until 8 months later and mom was back in the picture and the newlyweds were living in BM's section 8 apartment with her and SD hated our guts again. In less than two years, she's had two babies...she's threatened divorce probably ten times, and I am COMPLETLY disengaged from that mess. I've been burned three times...I've learned my lesson. Oh, and now? BM tells everyone that the couple ran off and got married and she wasn't invited. And SD and SSINL don't object to BMs version of reality. They know better...

Are you going to your sks weddings: 100% up to you and no one else, not even your husband.

ss26 is already married ss30, well it'd be a miracle if some girl dragged him unemployed ass off Mommy's couch. Nope, I'll plan some last minute urgent out of town trip! Not worth the drama to me.

My SD 27 is such am immature brat she can't get a date let alone a husband. My SS, if he and his boyfriend decide to get married, they're currently shacking up.....he'll no. I won't be there. Completely disengaged from both and don't plan to ever go
back!!

Been there done that. Lived through the drama and I'm glad it's over. If you're going to go, my best advice is to buy a great dress and have zero expectations. And yes, wine, plenty of wine.