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Another Boundary

DENIP's picture

Submitted by DENIP on Wed, 05/01/2024 - 5:26pm

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Adult Stepchildren

After speaking with my H about SD and her communication with him, I asked him to please tell her not to mention me in her correspondence with him. The references she has made to me, i.e., "That woman you call your 'wife'" and "HER" along with Insinuating I caused some kind of harm when he wasn't there, are not only highly disrespectful, but wrong. I asked him to tell her that if I can not be included in those conversations be it via text, telephone, messenger, then she shouldn't be able to speak about me or refer to me in any way, shape, or form, and that she is to keep the communication about just the two of them. I tried to help him see that this is a boundary she has crossed and that being his wife, he should reinforce it. He didn't say anything, but I know he will follow through. I know this has been rough for him. It's just a shame that she is what she is and with her, the boundaries are a must. 

Yesterdays's picture

Submitted by Yesterdays on Wed, 05/01/2024 - 6:21pm

Right on. That is so important. Kids try this. It needs to be shut down, rightfully so. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 05/01/2024 - 9:14pm

Definately a zero tolerance topic.

Sadly, you had to bring it up to your DH rather than him immediately putting his foot up the disrespectful failed family spawn's ass.  Noone should ever tolerate anyone speaking of their spouse with that level disrespect.

Even in follow on marriages after one or both spouses have had failed family experience, their spouse has to be their absolute priority and zero tolerance has to be immediately standard for an X or failed family spawn toward the new spouse. PERIOD. DOT.

The spouse bringing that disrespectful failed family baggage to the new marriage has the absolute duty to end any disrespect  towards the new spouse and new marriage and immediatly come down on those being disrespectful of the new marriage/spouse like stink on the shit that they are. Make no mistake, these disrespectful COD failed family spawn, regardless of their age, and a disrepsectful X are shit. Nothing more and often far less.

IMHO of course.

DENIP's picture

Submitted by DENIP on Wed, 05/01/2024 - 9:14pm

Yes! I think my DH was trying to ignore her on that, but, it didn't stop her from continuing to do so, which is why I had to step in. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 05/01/2024 - 9:19pm

Make it clear to him that never again will you have to correct him on this in whatever form it takes as he should be hip deep up the distrespectful failed family baggage's ass from the second they play their disrespect.

IMHO of course.

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Wed, 05/01/2024 - 11:52pm

Talking about a third party is "triangulation" and it is one of the main things to have come out of my DH's therapy - he doesn't tolerate it from anyone any longer. 

DENIP's picture

Submitted by DENIP on Thu, 05/02/2024 - 9:39am

Interesting you should say that! I literally just finished reading about triangulation before hopping on here! Thank you.  Yes, that's exactly what has been happening. I hope he keeps it short and to the point when he tells her. Explaining in detail is a waste of time.

 

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Thu, 05/02/2024 - 10:21am

I would total disengage,  like making sure I am not supporting SD in anyway..shape..  you and DH should take an allowance . Equal. You also having a bank account in your name only.  DH will never see that money. DH may have to get a second job to pat his CS and equal money to you.  SD support and gifts comes out of that money. 
'DH is playing peacemaker  "" DD. You should be nicer to DENIP"".   Then "DENIP, you should not care that SD Is disrespectful to you tge adult ".  In the end everyone will hate DH. 

MorningMia's picture

Submitted by MorningMia on Thu, 05/02/2024 - 2:29pm

::Applause::  I expect SD will test the waters after your DH creates this boundary. Hope this works well! 

DENIP's picture

Submitted by DENIP on Fri, 05/03/2024 - 11:41am

Praying it does! This is THE best way to handle the situation. This way, she cannot manipulate using my name, and she can not put DH in the middle in a tug-o-war, forcing him to choose sides. She created this mess and any grievances she has with DH she should address only to him and any with me, only to me. 

She won't reach out to me though because she was given the opportunity to do so before and said not a peep. That's because it's all her delusions.