Adult Step Children Eating Over
I have two stepsons: One is 20 and the other is 19. Both 6'4", bodybuilder types and eat like its their job. Neither stepson lives with us. They live with their bio mom 5 minutes away.
Because these two stepsons are obviously my husband's sons, should it just be a given that they pop in, at least once, sometimes multiple times a day to eat? Last night the 19 year old stopped by and said he was starving so my husband fed him. My husband jokingly said to me, it should be a matter of time before the 20 year old stops buy. I must have gave him a funny look because he said to me "well, how else is he suppose to eat" to which I replied "well, he can go to the grocery store like most people do and buy groceries and fix himself dinner".
My comment created a huge fight between my husband and I. He thought it was being "selfish" for suggesting that a 20 year old go to a grocery store and buy his own groceries for himself (let alone the 19 year old).
What say you? Am I wrong for having this opinion and expressing it when asked?
Do they still sit in high
Do they still sit in high chairs? Of course they should feed themselves. If they come over invited that's ok, but just pop in and eat all your food? Your DH is having trouble "letting go" of his babies. Barf.
Who buys the groceries in
Who buys the groceries in your home?
For me, personally, it wouldn't bother me for my kids, even at 19, to come by and grab a bite. My 17 year old often brings his buddies over and they nosh and root around for munchies.
Yes, I think 19 and 20 year olds should be able to feed themselves. I just don't see this as being a fight I would ever have.
>>>he said to me "well, how
>>>he said to me "well, how else is he suppose to eat<<<
I can't believe he said that with a straight face.
Oh and there should be some
Oh and there should be some kind of limits on the whole "popping over" business.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^this!^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tell Dad to give you one of
Tell Dad to give you one of his credit cards so you can use it to buy groceries.
I always bought groceries when my kids were due to visit for a weekend.
unannounced drop ins are not
unannounced drop ins are not the same thing as being due for a visit. huge difference.
If husband wants to feed the
If husband wants to feed the boys constantly - tell him that he is now in charge of grocery shopping - you are done. Or better yet - just stop and don't tell DH. Go out to eat. (When there is no food - they stop coming.
) You don't want to bust your ass on people who don't live in your house.
Maybe it is the ungratefulness and lack of appreciation for what you do that bothers you most(??). I know it did me. 19 and 20 years olds will eat - and yes you can support their intake a few times - but not everyday - they don't live there. You are not alone, I have had similar feelings. I still have a SD29 who comes into the house and not there 2 minutes and she's rooting around in the frig and cupboards like a pig looking for a truffle in the woods.
that is how sd19 is, too.
that is how sd19 is, too. bring her bf over and rummage thru the cupboards, fridge and freezer. take what she wants and offer it to him too, not even asking. she will come over for 3-4 hours and eat the whole damn time. apparently since she came from fdh's scrotum, she thinks she will always have the right to come to our home unannounced and do whatever she wants to while she's here. why not? she also thinks that since i am involved with her father, i owe her a mother out of myself and she owes me a lot of being shit on. hmmm. i guess in some world, that makes perfect sense. :?
"--- she's rooting around in
"--- she's rooting around in the frig and cupboards like a pig looking for a truffle in the woods." This really hit me and I am still laughing. LOL Sounds like my SD.
The dropping in thing would get to me - especially if it is constant. My ex-inlaws used to drop in often and at anytime without calling. I can remember them, and there was a lot of them, dropping in even when we were having a private dinner with friends - and they were angry that they weren't invited. I'd be making plans so when they dropped by you wouldn't be there. LOL I agree with some of the other posters, DH should be paying for the groceries and preparing the meals for them and cleaning up. Just wondered if BM is feeding them dinner too when they get home?
Although technically my YSD
Although technically my YSD does still live here, she is not here often due to college and a job in another state for part of his summer, but whenever she is home, she does not show up and eat all the food. No, instead, she comes in and criticizes the food we do have in the house, loudly. I used to get my feelings hurt because being domestic doesn't come easily to me, so she was kicking me where it counted, where some lingering insecurity remained. Now I don't give a sh*t what she thinks of our groceries and our home. When she pipes up, sharing her opinions that no one is interested in, I just marvel at her incredible rudeness instead if taking it personally. It took a long time to get here.
have you told her "it's ok if
have you told her "it's ok if you don't like it. it wasn't bought for you." that's what i would say.