Well my soon-to-be 29 year-old SD hasn't even made it to adolescence yet and quite frankly I don't think she ever will!

I can see the validity of this statement. My trouble is with my husband's late twenties daughter. Since the inception of our relationship she has made up vicious lies about me to folks in our outer circle. What can you do? My answer: wait patiently. Smart folks will figure her out for a drama queen liar. Yep, they have. In the end she makes an ass out of herself. She keeps on, though.
Just recently she spurted some vicious lies to my husband's employees about me. What to do? Wait patiently. Yep, you guessed it. With that long rope she hung herself, showed her true colors when things didn't go her way with them. Now they too see she is a drama queen liar. Made an ass of herself again.
Luckily I don't have to live with this nutcase. Her evil gets directed at her father, too, when she realizes over and over again that her manipulation no longer works with him like it did when her mom was married to him.
Be assured, the crap marriage that existed with her parents is what set the stage for inappropriate co-dependence between parent-child, and it's what turns a spoiled brat into a conniving, drama queen liar when her father's attention is more appropriately directed to a fulfilling, loving relationship that comes first, as it should. Bad marriages, displaced priorities can real jack up kids. These two are a FINE examples - both of them. The boy, 25, is overly attached to his momma and real sore that now that his dad is gone he will never get out from under her co-dependence.
Sad, very sad. This nasty behavior is supported by the ex-wife also. Some sick folks.
Meanwhile, we have a GREAT life together.
Here is to patience - let that run with that long rope. Set boundaries. Make sure you both are each other's priority. That is the ONLY way your marriage should be, because in the end if you don't have each other you don't have anything.

It is true, their brains are not fully developed until they are around 25 - 27. The area of the brain that helps them to have higher thinking capabilities (abstract thinking, better forthough of consequences, etc.) is the last to develop! Until then, they are a PAIN!

Longitudinal studies have shown that because of things like the PILL for birth control, the need for getting a college education and the lack of less technical jobs that pay well, that young people are delaying (and being forced to delay) growing up emotionally.

In the old days, before the PILL you weren't as able to live together and "play house" and not worry about getting pregnant, becoming a parent. Morals then were more geared towards if you got pregnant (or got a girl pregnant) you married her. This was a sobering thought.

Having to go to school (college) longer to get skills for good jobs has put young people today in a bind. Their hormones are raging, they know they need to delay marriage until after college, so they "hook up" and have so many options to avoid becoming a parent, they feel they can "PLAY and not PAY" all they want! Why grow up when you are having to much fun, and no consequences for your irresponsible behavior?

These factors contribute to their delayed emotional development. The new term now is "EMERGING ADULTS".

There's even an organization studying them - Society for the Study of Emerging Adulthood (SSEAA).

Don't think the problem is necessarily a divorce. It's believing "kids are resilient and will make it through anything."

While that may be true, it doesn't mean that kids can process the adult drama of divorce. If divorcing parents could keep their opinions of the other to themselves, kids of divorce may have a better chance of making it through the divorce relatively unscathed. Chaotic visitation schedules and constant ex-bashing don't let kids see that they will be OK in the long run.

After all, every kid is egocentric. It's all about them. That's the way they are wired.

I've wondered the same thing, Saffron. I think there may be some kids from intact homes who really wish their parents hadn't stuck it out "for the sake of the kids." But on the flip side, there are probably couples who divorce when things could have been worked out too. Some people are awfully quick to bail because it's so easy.

One thing I try to keep in mind about this blog space, while I enjoy reading the stories on here and appreciate the support, is that I realize that the number of step parents on here with horror stories (me included) is miniscule compared to the number of actual step parents out there in the world. I just wasn't lucky enough to have normal step children.

I use to use the "her brain hasn't finished growing" excuse but now she's almost 30. So if this is as good as her brain gets then her ds is in trouble.

About what makes kids turn out this way. Idk But, in my SD's case I'm pretty sure it was because her mother is so unstable. Afterall, that is why BM and DH divorced in the first place. To be brought up by a woman like that can't be easy, I've heard the horror stories of what SD went through as a child.