What rights does BD have to tell BM what kids should have?
I'm the SD and my wife and Skids (ss16 SD12) have been with me 8 years. When it comes to discipling the kids, usually my wife and I are on the same page. As the SD that brought everyone into my home, I go by the rule, my house my home, and BM is on the same page as me. What rights does BD have to try and overrule any of the following situations/examples?
1) If BD buys SD12 an iPad, and he communicates through text to her with it, we feel the need to take the iPad away for any purpose (either she using it too much, she doing inapproipte things on it for her age, etc), can he demand that she has it back? (the house telephone works just fine if he needs to talk to her) BTW, SD12 has to use my house WiFi to make the iPad work.
2) IF SD12 is being majorly disrespectful and dropping grades and we feel the need to take away extra-cirricular activities (i.e. Cheerleading), what right does he have to overrule and say "I want my daughter cheerleading." Grant it, he's not providing the financial support for cheerleading nor driving her to practice.
1) No. 2) When she's at your
1) No.
2) When she's at your house, none. And even less if you guys are the ones paying for it.
Your house, your rules. When the bio-dad has the kids at his house, same rules apply. If she gets the iPad taken away, she can call her dad. It's not like it's the only form of communication they have.
No, he has no say in the
No, he has no say in the rules you set in your house, as long as your wife agrees with them. Much like you have no say what he does with them while they are at his house. He'll learn eventually but I'm sure he's enjoying being the fun cool parent who also sees how these rules are just super unfair. It's an on going struggle with Inbred and BM1. It use to be a struggle with my bios BF but thankfully we're pretty much on the same page now. By that I mean I know he lets them do things I wouldn't and vice versa and as long as they are not in danger of any kind it's really none of our buisness what is going on when we are not there. Don't let it get to you too much. Every time you get upset by any of his demands he wins a little bit. Just ignore him.
When my son15 was in big
When my son15 was in big trouble with bad grades and being disrespectful, we took the ipod, I told Ex to NEVER send that to my house EVER AGAIN! He didn't...
And we changed the WIFI password, when SD9 was spending all day watching movies on the kindle (moved from over weight to obese in 1 months) so we pulled the plug on the router.
Everyone suffered...they had to...oh no, its too shocking...go outside and PLAY! LOL It was nice to see 3 teens playing outside that week, and it helped the obese issue too.
I would say unless you have a "digital contact" clause in your CO, you should be able to pull devices without question.
Thanks for the
Thanks for the responses.
Yeah, I could block the wifi to her iPad, but she even knows how to find other wifi in the area from close by schools or other houses. It better to just take it away.
And I agree about the phone, the number one reason they should have it is so the parent can stay in contact, when they start ignoring the phone calls, thats when action should be taken.
About Obese, unfortunately I became the victim of that after step kids moved in. So many more "snacks" in the house, the kids are naturally skinny due to their BD probably so they arent affected by it, and now so much less time for myself for getting in shape or relaxing. I hate to whine, but not only does my checking account and savings drop each year since being married with skids, my weight and stress went up. That is my own fault for letting that happen, but sometimes you do feel like it's draining the life out of you and at the end of the day, you're not even the real dad. OK...back to the main topic.
Your house, your rules. I
Your house, your rules. I wish my DH had this one down a little better. BM bought iphones for the skids and if it were up to me alone I would take possession of the phones when they arrive and dole them out when I feel the skids are ready for them. "Ready" is homework done, chores done, attitude good, other enrichment activities achieved (my skids don't want to leave the house ever or play with anything that doesn't have a screen and keyboard).
If BM raised big stink about it I'd tell her the only other option is she can keep the phones herself, they will not cross my threshold at all.
However, DH is not as clear on boundaries as I am. So the iphones are somewhat of a sore spot at our house, too. DH will confiscate them for limited times but sometimes BM tries to intervene and their delicate detente gets stressed. What's really grating in our situation is that BM bought the phones, yes. But with DH's money! Argh!
Your house, your rules. Bio
Your house, your rules. Bio Dad has no say and can STFU until his thoughts are asked for regarding conseqences for Skid behavior in your home.
He gets no say. Period.
Whe we took away game systems and cell phones from SS as punishment the Sperm Clan got no say. On one occassion they thought it was unfair that we took his PS-2 (that we bought) so they bought him a DS. He tried to hide it for a while after visitation and when we found it he lost the DS too. Sperm Grandma went on a rant that we could not take gifts they had given him. Oh yes Sperm GrandHag. We can, and we did.
Even if a Judge gives an idiot opinion that you can't take away a cell phone, BULLSHIT. The judge will not be sitting in your living room and can't enforce shit for nothing about what goes on in your home. If you want to remain compliant with the opinion of an indiot family law Judge on this issue. Take the battery or suspend service to the phone. The Skid can keep the phone. It won't work but you did not take the phone away. }:)
If the opposition buys the phone for the Skid then take the phone and mail it back to the opposition postage due COD. You returned it, it takes forever, the Skid is punished. The Judge's rules are complied with.
I don't tolerate this kind of crap whether it is from the opposition, the Skid, or a Judge.
For us the Skid having a cell phone was for OUR convenience not so he cold play games and Texting grab ass with his buddies. Once the convenience of the phone wore off due to SS not answering our calls or calling us for pick up/drop off we took the phone for a few months and SS sat on his ass and waited on the curb until we decided to pick him up. Sometimes that was on time. Sometimes it was hours later. }:)
He learned to make damned sure he answered his phone and called us on schedule after that.
Even now that he is 22 and 3+ years post launch he knows that staying in touch returns benefits and not staying in touch bears consequences. When he stays in touch we make ourselves available for him when we are on vacation. When he doesn't stay in touch, we do what we want rather than vectoring a leg of our vacation to see him or paying for him to join us. This has cost him a few cool trips over the years and significant mom and dad time. Now he calls us once a quarter just to check in.