The custody issue will most likely be at the sole discretion of the child's bm and whether she wants it to stay the same. You as the stepmother have no rights. If she takes it to court, then she will just have to tell him that he will be unable to exercise his custody time for 3 months at a time. Then she will most likely have her child support be upped to reflect that.

If he doesn't pay his court ordered child support although he has a job, he will go into arrears. If he is in the US they will take his federal income taxes and will then possible punish him by taking his drivers license, etc. Child support like student loans never goes away.

The kids still needs to eat, have clothes, and a roof over his head, so yes, your husband should still pay his child-support. In fact he should pay more for the three months since the mom will most likely be taking care of her kid full-time till he gets back.

I agree that your DH should talk to BM before making any decisions... I'm not going to harshly judge you or your DH for considering an out of country job. That's a reality that faces parents I know who aren't divorced, and nobody's calling them crappy parents. At least not out loud. Military parents are gone for extended amounts of time. My dad traveled a lot when I was younger. Some times he was gone 3 weeks out of a month. He did what he had to to put food on our table, and neither my sister nor my relationship with him suffered as a result. That being said, it is something that you need to consider long and hard before making any decision. From my example, I wasn't in a split home and when the traveling stopped, I had him home 100%. That's a benefit kids from divorced homes don't have... and you may want to consider the effects on your SS. And the effects aren't something a bunch of strangers can advise you on...no offense to the "strangers"... . Just be realistic and actually think about what is best for your SS...not what's best for YOU.

As far as the CS issue - BM can, and honestly, should get her CS raised. Even if your DH has him for the entire month that he's home, the amount of time he's caring for his son drops in half. BM is picking up his slack, both in raising the kid and financially. That's what happens when one parent has to be gone for long periods of time. The other one picks up the slack. Also, as far as I know, CS is based off of gross income, so before taxes and other garnishments.

Colorado CS is based on both parents income and number of overnights (also tosses in healthcare insurance cost and medical out of pocket extras).

So if Dad is going away three months three times a year working out of country, his available time to have his son drops from appro. 182 days a year to at the most 90dys and more likely just 45dys. Of course his CS would rise even if his income were the exact same.

As to the 'SS will not be able to see any of us, because she won't allow it on her time'? That's currently. Your husband has 50% a month, BM has 50%. It's not unreasonable for BM to not want to share her week. Dad already has his week. However 3mos is quite different than 7dys. And I do believe SS should be allowed contact during the 3mos. DH could negotiate perhaps EOEW visitation that you and DH's extended family could split (grandparents). He would have a good chance of getting this granted in a CO.

He should also be prepared to give BM full custody during his absence out of country. You're talking the next few years. He should also include a life insurance policy (he's taking a dangerous job in a foreign country). One for both SS and his child with you, regardless if he may already have one with just you named.

If your husband is going to take this job he needs to be upfront about it and he needs to have all the appropriate and legal paperwork in place. You're fooling yourself if you're thinking everything should stay the same as it currently is while the man leaves the country for 270dys a year for three years. And if you don't think BM has a right to pursue this and assert her position, a lawyer and judge will quickly adjust your unrealistic line of thoughts.

As a child who grew up in extreme poverty - I'd have gladly given up some time with either of my parents for having parents who could actually reliably provide for me.

Having zero safety net and no real assurance that there would be a roof over our heads (foreclosure was always on the table) or decent food to eat (ate plain beans only for weeks sometimes) I would have traded parents who where there 24/7 to parent who actually provided the basic needs (not wants).

From my perspective I despise parents who won't do what it takes to provide for their children. F*** being there but with no ability to provide for basic needs.

This is what I don't understand. If divorced parents are each able to financially support their child and keep their child's best interest at heart, why would there need to be child support?

IMHO, your SS would receive the benefits of his dad's hard work IN HIS HOME! Why should BM's home benefit from his hard work if she has a good paying job?

What if BM got a high paying job and eventually earned 3x what your DH earned. Would you want DH to go after her for CS? Would DH want to as well? Just wondering.....

Really late to the party here. My Ex-DH has been rotating overseas for the last 16 years.

Will DH still be a resident of the US? If so in my experience, the first $ 80K or so is tax-free but everything after is taxable. Per diem or day rate and costs of airfare paid for by employer show up on 1099's. If DH will no longer be considered a resident of the US and Colorado, then I just don't know.

It can be a mess. Sounds great. Money is great. Paid through Dubai or whatever and then the first year you do your taxes, you owe $15K extra or some such. The country where the income is earned may require taxes. Pay attention to the tax implications.

Secondly, in the state of Colorado, if a 10% variation of income occurs, the BM can take DH back to court to adjust CS. At that time, she should adjust custody, of course.

DH has to realize that the % of his income going to CS should remain the same, but you'll be shocked at some of the numbers! A friend had CS in Colorado set at something like $ 650 when her Ex's income was around $ 70K. Her Ex started rotating overseas and she took him back to court -- Lexus-Nexus can reach Siberia --- CS was raised to almost $ 3000/month plus health insurance for the minor child, plus life insurance to cover CS for the minor child ... The portion of his income (28%) that went to child support remained the exact same, but the numbers changed. Use the on-line child support calculator.

Third, something else to think about is visitation. If DH is gone for 3 months, then you may expect to have SS for the entirety of DH's home visit. Alone time for you ? Nope. You will see DH 3 months out of the year. you and your kids will "share his attention" with his son.

Fourth, a cautionary tale of "distance doesn't make the heart grow fonder, it merely causes it to wander." The best of folks discover that 9 months of the year apart in a non-war zone situation tends to encourage new relationships and children. Language, religion and culture will not hamper it.

Got the T-shirt.

Expat taxes can still be significant even if you qualify for the foreign income exclusion. On a 3 and 1 rotation your DH will not meet the physical presence test for the foreign income exclusion. You have to meet the physical presence test before the bonafide residence test can be considered. To meet the physical presence test you cannot be in the US for more than 35 days out of a rolling 12mo period. Because of this his income will likely remain entirely taxable at worst and at best may be prorated. Talk to your CPA to get professional support. I am not a CPA, but I sleep with one every night. And.... I have been an expat for years and have navigated the residency tests to qualify for the foreign income exclusion. It is not a straight forward thing.

https://www.irs.gov/Individuals/International-Taxpayers/Foreign-Earned-I...

https://www.irs.gov/Individuals/International-Taxpayers/Foreign-Earned-I...

Even if he does meet one of the residence tests the foreign income exclusion is currently only up to the first $100K of income. After that every dollar of income is taxed at the tax bracket for $100K+.

As for impact to your CS, most states calculate CS on gross income (AGI from your tax return) so your DH's income being taxable or not should not make any difference though the usual significant increase in salary, uplifts, allowances, per diems, etc... for expat assignments will definitely impact his CS obligation in a review. His base salary may not go up but his total income will and that will definitely give BM a much bigger CS check if she files for a CS review. Check your state's online CS calculator and call your attorney to get expert help.

I would suspect that rather than being tax free your DH's expat income will be tax equalized by his employer which can be up to paying 100% of his tax liability. In most cases it is my understanding that tax equalization protects the expat from paying taxes higher than what they would normally pay on their base salary if the worked in the US. Under a tax equalization benefit the company pays DH's tax obligation for him as part of his compensation.

All in my layman's opinion and experience of course.

Good luck.