Would this bother you?
Forums:
I just had a flashback to something that happened OVER a year ago and I'm not even with the same person, but I'd like to see what you all think about this. I'm always interested in the psychology of things. If you were at a party and sitting next to your SO eating something that he didn't have, so you offered him some, and then he took it from you, turned around and offered it to his kid (who took it), would it bother you? I mean, why wouldn't he just say "no thanks" if he didn't want it? I didn't say, "Oh, I'm so full I can't eat another bite..." I wasn't trying to get rid of it. I was being polite. It was WEIRD. What do you make of that?
It wouldn't bother me at all.
It wouldn't bother me at all. Once I offer/give something to someone, they are free to do what they want with it.
You are offered something by
You are offered something by some one you find appealing and you turn and offer it to your offspring, the little people that you are programmed to love the most to propagate the human race???? HUGE compliment!
I don't see anything wrong
I don't see anything wrong with it.
If someone offered me some food, I would think they offered it to me because they didn't want it themselves. And the first thing I would think of is making sure my kids are fed, so I would take the food and offer it to my child first.
I don't think this is a red flag, that DH is going to put his kids before you, he's merely making sure his kids are taken care of. There are other situations that would give me cause for alarm, but making sure his kid is fed? Not a problem there.
My DW is a bit like your DH
My DW is a bit like your DH in respect to holding onto mementos that SS gives her and finding no nostalgic value in what I give her. It doesn’t really bother me. I think I place more value in the moments that DW and I share together rather than the physical things we give to each other. Something small like sharing a laugh at a funny moment in a movie we are watching together would carry on for years.
*THAT* bothers SS more than anything! Should DW or I mention something that he was not a part of, he goes effing BONKERS! “What are you talking about? Why are you guys laughing? What’s so funny? Was I there?”...As much as my DW has bent over backwards for SS, her world doesn’t revolve around him. I’m okay with that, but clearly my SS isn’t. So when my DW says she wants to hang onto some old home made Mother’s Day card that SS made 5 years ago, I just shrug my shoulders.
On the flip side however, DW and I used to have a spa/hotel retreat we used to go to every year. It was a magical place! Two years ago I was making plans to go again when DW said “Ooh! Can we plan our retreat on a weekend SS is with us? I really would like him to see the place!”. That pretty much killed our yearly retreat. No way in hell am I sharing a retreat with a kid who will suck the joy and magic out of that retreat faster than a black hole.
I am really sad and angry for
I am really sad and angry for you. I'm sorry things were that way and I respect the way you have handled it. It's helped me see some things.
My skid doesn't eat AT ALL.
My skid doesn't eat AT ALL. Especially when we are at other people's houses and parties. He is just too shy or too busy playing to be bothered to eat. Then when we get home he'll dive into a vat of Nutella to crave his hunger. So, if I was to offer something to DW and she in turn gave it to SS and he actually ate it, I would be in utter shock! I would be saying "OMG! He's actually EATING!?!?! The planets must be aligned!"
If that happens, people will
If that happens, people will vent about dad wanting SM to share with SK. The only"right" answer would be for dad to accept the item and leave the kid out.
I know right? I understand
I know right? I understand how in some situations a SM would feel that DH is putting his kids over her, but I don't see what the big deal is with this one.
Nobody said it was a big
Nobody said it was a big deal. It's weird. And it wasn't a spouse/skid situation. If I was trying to offload food I probably would have given it to my kids first. The appropriate response imo would have been "no thanks."
I think its strange. I will
I think its strange. I will ALWAYS offer DH to try my meal, its a thing we do. But I often say "do you want to try this?". It would be strange if he just handed it to sk. Now if I say, hey I'm full do you want this, he will offer to SS if he doesnt... I would just in the future try to specify the difference. But to me, I think it is strange or even rude to assume someone is done with something bc we often offer our food to taste to others.
Well since I can't stand my
Well since I can't stand my DH's kid; if I was in your shoes and he did that I would most definitely be "bothered", simply bc if DH didn't want it I sure as hell wouldn't want skid having it. }:)
I'm not sure if that would
I'm not sure if that would bother me. I'm the type that likes to share things I really enjoy with DH, and if I offered some to DH I would want HIM to have it. I probably would have said 'OMG this is so good you have to try it!' so I probably wouldn't have been happy if he took it and gave to SD, without trying it himself. Of course, she would have asked for some anyway, she likes to have everything everyone else has, I can't eat anything around her with out her being all up in my business...
I know, you are right. It's
I know, you are right. It's annoying though. And it's not just stuff she's never tried, it's EVERYTHING - I grab a plain saltine cracker, 'what's that? can I have some?'. It's a cracker. Chill. I think it annoys me more because I'm diabetic, I have to eat between meals, and by the time I realize I need to eat something, I'm already getting a little irritable.