Trash talking to a 4yr old?
If right now wasn't stressful enough though we got to skip SMIL pics!!! SS got sick and do we skipped and came home. Though tonight SS4 told H he was mean and that he wanted to go back to his moms. I will say the past week he has been with BM who babies him and even more so since it was his school break (and school makes her miss him so much- she stays at home and does nothing) She gets on to him and then will cuddle....she is ridiculously stepped on. Which plays into us being mean and the fact he says it isn't his house like hers.
At our house he shares a room with SOs brother who is 8. His little brother is only here rarely and as mentioned me and MIL are close she gets him EOW and lives in the next town over when she doesn't have him. SS said this wasn't his house and noted he had to share. BM has a two bedroom when mentioned he has to share there we assumed her would say his brother but he said his mom -- this to me shows how dependent on her kids she is and the dependency she is creating for him to have on her.
It disgust me how BM is a pushover and makes us seem like assholes. Well SO got really upset with SS saying he was mean didn't like him and wanted to go back to his moms. I don't know how to comfort or even how to respond to this but I fear it will come up again as he gets older so need to know how to deal. Any advice?
Also after emotions calmed SO sent us to get a movie while he got ice cream. On our way SS told me I was mean too and opened up saying his GMA (BMs mom) tells him this. She says I'm mean because I told his bubba to get off the field at a soccer game and SO is mean for hurting his momma and getting onto his bubba when they lived together. He said this was mainly his grandma but his momma agreed. We talked and agreed SO is now nicer and he isn't mean. Also that his mom now let's him get away more. He also agreed he was happier as he gets more positive attention.
I know this isn't a four year old convo but all I did was ask if I was mean and he started talking. And I tried to be the supportive "friend" and for him to know he is his own person if he thinks we are mean to tell us not to listen to others.
The crap talking has been mentioned before but either they are still doing it or it was already been drilled into SS to much. Like I said I'm nervous this will come up more and not sure if there is a better way to handle it.
Both SO and I had separate conversations with SS. Everything seems okay now as H and SS are laying on the couch watching Thomas the train.
Any encouraging words or advice on future incidents?
DH said something similar to
DH said something similar to fine I'll take you back you don't need to have anything to do with your daddy and it just made him cry more and say he was being mean.
SS is typically tough but I think after being constantly babied for a week and hearing whatever they say plus he didn't feel good he wanted his mom. The thing is SO leaves on Wednesday for 21 days and BM gets him that whole time so the threat of taking him back was completely empty. Both SO and I would do anything for SS - I even froze yesterday because he was cold and she didn't return his jacket when she dropped him off so I gave him my sweatshirt, SO took a special route home and let him sit in the front...we try to make him feel good.
I think the comment and the talks helped but I still fear especially with her getting him the first part of Christmas break this will come up again.
And yesterday when BM dropped off SS it was at SMILs house and she made comments to SIL that there was one picture of the three of us and that was unnecessary and that she wanted a civil co-parenting relationship but I wouldn't respect her etc. SIL told her it was time to leave which made me giggle when I was told...but this leads me to believe she is also saying stuff SS won't tell us. I respect her more than I actually should simply because I don't want SS to grow up and see that I was just as much as a twit as she is and for him to see me and SO did nothing but provide the best.