What are some things that the ex is allowed to do that put distance between you and your spouse or, cause problems or put a negative dent in your relationship?
Anytime the ex calls at inappropriate times to discuss things not involving his kids or to ask his ex wife how she's doing (like he really cares, he's fake, if he cared about her she wouldn't be broke because of him or be raising two kids by herself, he only cares about manipulating the situation to get what he wants including but not limited to sex from her and freedom to come over to her house and spend time with his kids whenever he chooses). Anytime he stops by her place to take his kids for a couple of hours here and there (not following the parenting plan). Anytime he feels the need to come inside during dorp offs and pick ups.
1. DH has learned to let BM's crap roll off his shoulders and not pay her no mind, but every now and again she will do something that irks him enough that he brings it home with him.
2. BM's disney parenting where she is teaching SS that Playstation is the only way to pass time and love can be measured by how many things your parent gives you
Is very toxic, and she will use the children to make him feel bad. A few times I was at the recieving end, and it caused some issues. ALso, we just got married and she tried to make him feel bad about THAT. Luckily he refused, and it was simply her trying to make him feel bad and she was very trasnparent!
BM I know tells her spawn to call dh, ask for money, and snoop. They wouldn't be living if they didn't have their hand stuck out for a dollar. And just what rainydaze777 said, the fact she exists !!
Telling SS (after DH and I being together 6 yrs already) that "daddy and mommy were still getting back together once "she" (me) goes away". DH didn't know anything about this until the week of our wedding...and SS didn't want to go to the wedding because of it. DH still guilt trips himself for letting SS choose, he says he should've made him go. Still haunts him to this day.
Her (and her family's) desire/expectation that she, SO and the kids (and me - I'm always invited) will spend holidays together.
Um, no. I have no desire to spend my holidays with SO's ex and her family. I'm fine with her having the kids for the holiday and SO and I can celebrate with the kids before or after (we're not hung up on the exact date). I can't figure why she left and divorced SO - she was the one who cheated multiple times and wanted a divorce - if she wanted to spend holidays as a family. Makes no sense.
BM just pulled one tonight and I’m trying not to let it cause a fight between SO and I. BM and my SO are only supposed to be communicating via a court-ordered family app. We both have her blocked on phone/email. Well tonight he tells me that he talked to her today. On the phone. Me: “um....” He said she called on SS12’s phone. Which, it’s also stated in the custody agreement, is not allowed. Last time she called him on skids phone she really took the cake, had SS12 hand my SO the phone, and proceeded to tell SO she didn’t want custody of skids at all, wasn’t picking them up on her day, and he needed to tell skids that and also file for full custody. He told her she should do all that herself, which she refused. We suspected something was up, but he told skids anyway that she wasn’t going to pick them up and didn’t want custody anymore *cue meltdowns from skids*, SS texting her asking why she didn’t want them and telling her she was making him cry, and her responding...wait for it...”your dad is lying, I never said any of that and he is just trying to keep you from me”. It was literally a ploy the whole time to make SO look bad, and also she was hoping he would contact his lawyer and cost him more $...with none of it being documented, since she called on SS’s phone.
Anyway, nothing good happens from talking to psycho BM right? So why would he do it again??? We have FINALLY gotten to a point where she isn’t ruining our lives, so why even open that door? SD had a Dr appt and BM was calling to tell him about it. Which, in a normal coparenting relationship would be fine, but we don’t have anything close to that, and BM is the craziest person I’ve ever met.
This is just one way she causes problems. Also makes up crazy stories about me and SO and tries to make skids believe them.
SO gets daughter EOW, he drives the two hours to pick her up. Court order states BM is to pick her up for return. But BM refuses to do that. Said that if he wants to see her, he can pick her up & drop her off too. She said that she starts drinking beer at noon on Sundays, and she is in no shape to drive Sunday afternoons. She's a peach!
Also they're still friends on social media and they're friends with all each others family too- that drives me bonkers! I'm old school, I guess- I ain't friends with my ex husband or his family- not even on social media. I will see his ex wife or ex MIL tag him on social media and it makes me cringe!
BM is still FB friends with many family members. DH has a HUGE family. And some of his friends are FB friends with her too. Now that you have mentioned it that really bothers me! Yikes. LOL.
For me, the biggest thing is raising her child as a big spoiled brat. This has harmed my marriage more than anything else. If my stepson were a nice kid who had not been given everything he wants every day of his life, we would probably never have had problems. Since he is, I am disgusted by him. My husband then says, "How can you think this? He's my son! He's me!" and huge fight happens. This happens many times in three years, more than I can say. I think if stepson had been raised well by his mother, we would be ok.
- Getting 200e monthly from the state that she supposed to share with DH as they share custody but never did it
- getting 400e on top monthly from my husband and on top asking 50% all the extra cost of school trips, presents, clothes without ever showing an invoice (she is a successfull event organizer and earns on her own the double of what me and husbands earn together, plus she lives in a property flat while we pay a rent that kills over 30% of our joint income)
- calling DH every single day multiple times from 6am till 23 pm for things she could easily send a text for
- organizing playdates, birthdays, holidays for the kid, telling husband literally the same day and then expecting him to leave everything he is doing including work (we run a shop) to take the kid there
- keeping the clothes we buy the kid and then pretending she doesn have them and sending the kid over with dirty and too small ones
- expecting husband to drive her and the kid to the airport when they leave for holidays with her car and then taking the car back to her place
- organising extremely expensive birthday parties for the kid...last one was 1000e...and just telling husband he has to pay half just like that
- not involving husband in any important decision regarding planning holidays or the school
- not letting the kid going with husband to see his grandma (husband's mother) in another state after she had a stroke because she had a date with another guy with a daughter that weekend and obviously she wanted to show up with the kid too
- dropping the kid at ours without notice for a week or 10 days, forcing us to cancel all our committments last minute, because she has a "business trip" and then on fb turns out she went on holiday with online date or a friend..happens at least 5 times a year
- keeps telling everyone husband left her for a younger s*ut (me) when actually he left her because she cheated on him 3 times in 5 years and left him alone taking care of the baby when she was having a parallel affair
- constantly calling my husband names and telling all their former common friends he is an idiot
- putting loads of pressure on husband so that his nerves are so tense that he snaps at me for absolutely no reason
- the only time I saw her in person in 6 years (I am not allowed to go to the kid's birthdays) totally by chance, she hugged and kissed my husband, didnt introduce herself and totally behaved like I was completely transparent
- oh yeah and her snob horrible uptight expression that sadly genetics copied and paste on her kid's face
SS was there too that time, I just turned my head and openly insulted her in my mothertongue that she doesn't understand pretending I was instead talking to a friend
Anytime the ex calls at
Anytime the ex calls at inappropriate times to discuss things not involving his kids or to ask his ex wife how she's doing (like he really cares, he's fake, if he cared about her she wouldn't be broke because of him or be raising two kids by herself, he only cares about manipulating the situation to get what he wants including but not limited to sex from her and freedom to come over to her house and spend time with his kids whenever he chooses). Anytime he stops by her place to take his kids for a couple of hours here and there (not following the parenting plan). Anytime he feels the need to come inside during dorp offs and pick ups.
1. DH has learned to let BM's
1. DH has learned to let BM's crap roll off his shoulders and not pay her no mind, but every now and again she will do something that irks him enough that he brings it home with him.
2. BM's disney parenting where she is teaching SS that Playstation is the only way to pass time and love can be measured by how many things your parent gives you
BM
Is very toxic, and she will use the children to make him feel bad. A few times I was at the recieving end, and it caused some issues. ALso, we just got married and she tried to make him feel bad about THAT. Luckily he refused, and it was simply her trying to make him feel bad and she was very trasnparent!
The fact that she exists
The fact that she exists
LOL
So concise yet you covered everything.
BM I know tells her spawn to
BM I know tells her spawn to call dh, ask for money, and snoop. They wouldn't be living if they didn't have their hand stuck out for a dollar. And just what rainydaze777 said, the fact she exists !!
Telling SS (after DH and I
Telling SS (after DH and I being together 6 yrs already) that "daddy and mommy were still getting back together once "she" (me) goes away". DH didn't know anything about this until the week of our wedding...and SS didn't want to go to the wedding because of it. DH still guilt trips himself for letting SS choose, he says he should've made him go. Still haunts him to this day.
Her (and her family's) desire
Her (and her family's) desire/expectation that she, SO and the kids (and me - I'm always invited) will spend holidays together.
Um, no. I have no desire to spend my holidays with SO's ex and her family. I'm fine with her having the kids for the holiday and SO and I can celebrate with the kids before or after (we're not hung up on the exact date). I can't figure why she left and divorced SO - she was the one who cheated multiple times and wanted a divorce - if she wanted to spend holidays as a family. Makes no sense.
BM just pulled one tonight
BM just pulled one tonight and I’m trying not to let it cause a fight between SO and I. BM and my SO are only supposed to be communicating via a court-ordered family app. We both have her blocked on phone/email. Well tonight he tells me that he talked to her today. On the phone. Me: “um....” He said she called on SS12’s phone. Which, it’s also stated in the custody agreement, is not allowed. Last time she called him on skids phone she really took the cake, had SS12 hand my SO the phone, and proceeded to tell SO she didn’t want custody of skids at all, wasn’t picking them up on her day, and he needed to tell skids that and also file for full custody. He told her she should do all that herself, which she refused. We suspected something was up, but he told skids anyway that she wasn’t going to pick them up and didn’t want custody anymore *cue meltdowns from skids*, SS texting her asking why she didn’t want them and telling her she was making him cry, and her responding...wait for it...”your dad is lying, I never said any of that and he is just trying to keep you from me”. It was literally a ploy the whole time to make SO look bad, and also she was hoping he would contact his lawyer and cost him more $...with none of it being documented, since she called on SS’s phone.
Anyway, nothing good happens from talking to psycho BM right? So why would he do it again??? We have FINALLY gotten to a point where she isn’t ruining our lives, so why even open that door? SD had a Dr appt and BM was calling to tell him about it. Which, in a normal coparenting relationship would be fine, but we don’t have anything close to that, and BM is the craziest person I’ve ever met.
This is just one way she causes problems. Also makes up crazy stories about me and SO and tries to make skids believe them.
The BM entitlement
Acting like DH and everyone around her should just give her everything she wants bc she gave birth
Calling texting at all hours of the day
Being stupid/ emotionally guilttrip/ irresponsible alcoholic
Simply existing!!!(BM your existence irksssss me! - insert glare here)
Treats Court Order like a joke
SO gets daughter EOW, he drives the two hours to pick her up. Court order states BM is to pick her up for return. But BM refuses to do that. Said that if he wants to see her, he can pick her up & drop her off too. She said that she starts drinking beer at noon on Sundays, and she is in no shape to drive Sunday afternoons. She's a peach!
Also they're still friends on social media and they're friends with all each others family too- that drives me bonkers! I'm old school, I guess- I ain't friends with my ex husband or his family- not even on social media. I will see his ex wife or ex MIL tag him on social media and it makes me cringe!
DH blocks BM on Social media
That would drive me bonkers as well!!!!
BM is still FB friends with many family members. DH has a HUGE family. And some of his friends are FB friends with her too. Now that you have mentioned it that really bothers me! Yikes. LOL.
For me, the biggest thing is
For me, the biggest thing is raising her child as a big spoiled brat. This has harmed my marriage more than anything else. If my stepson were a nice kid who had not been given everything he wants every day of his life, we would probably never have had problems. Since he is, I am disgusted by him. My husband then says, "How can you think this? He's my son! He's me!" and huge fight happens. This happens many times in three years, more than I can say. I think if stepson had been raised well by his mother, we would be ok.
I find myself particularly
I find myself particularly perplexed by her breathing habbit.
Mostly kidding. Her trying to insert herself. Emotionally abusing the girls, lying, etc.
- Getting 200e monthly from
- Getting 200e monthly from the state that she supposed to share with DH as they share custody but never did it
- getting 400e on top monthly from my husband and on top asking 50% all the extra cost of school trips, presents, clothes without ever showing an invoice (she is a successfull event organizer and earns on her own the double of what me and husbands earn together, plus she lives in a property flat while we pay a rent that kills over 30% of our joint income)
- calling DH every single day multiple times from 6am till 23 pm for things she could easily send a text for
- organizing playdates, birthdays, holidays for the kid, telling husband literally the same day and then expecting him to leave everything he is doing including work (we run a shop) to take the kid there
- keeping the clothes we buy the kid and then pretending she doesn have them and sending the kid over with dirty and too small ones
- expecting husband to drive her and the kid to the airport when they leave for holidays with her car and then taking the car back to her place
- organising extremely expensive birthday parties for the kid...last one was 1000e...and just telling husband he has to pay half just like that
- not involving husband in any important decision regarding planning holidays or the school
- not letting the kid going with husband to see his grandma (husband's mother) in another state after she had a stroke because she had a date with another guy with a daughter that weekend and obviously she wanted to show up with the kid too
- dropping the kid at ours without notice for a week or 10 days, forcing us to cancel all our committments last minute, because she has a "business trip" and then on fb turns out she went on holiday with online date or a friend..happens at least 5 times a year
- keeps telling everyone husband left her for a younger s*ut (me) when actually he left her because she cheated on him 3 times in 5 years and left him alone taking care of the baby when she was having a parallel affair
- constantly calling my husband names and telling all their former common friends he is an idiot
- putting loads of pressure on husband so that his nerves are so tense that he snaps at me for absolutely no reason
- the only time I saw her in person in 6 years (I am not allowed to go to the kid's birthdays) totally by chance, she hugged and kissed my husband, didnt introduce herself and totally behaved like I was completely transparent
- oh yeah and her snob horrible uptight expression that sadly genetics copied and paste on her kid's face
She hugged and kissed your
She hugged and kissed your husband and you didn't murder her?...
Like all of that is bad... But dang you have some serious self-control talent...
SS was there too that time, I
SS was there too that time, I just turned my head and openly insulted her in my mothertongue that she doesn't understand pretending I was instead talking to a friend