successfully disengaged yesterday
I decided to really, truly disengage from SD13. it was time. she was really starting to come between us and i harbor to much anger regarding the "settlement" that was reached and violated 2 days later by BM and SD.
Fiance had SD for the day yesterday (after an insane 1 hour+ sh*t show involving the police due to SD once again trying to dictate the parenting plan). I told Fiance that I was doing my own thing for the day. I had my morning coffee in our room and read a magazine. I was able to have most of it before they returned given that what should have been a 15 minute round trip to get SD turned into 75 minutes. When fiance returned home i made him get me my last cup of coffee and bring me my purse, coat and shoes. I wanted to be able to simply walk out the front door and not look at or talk to SD as i was in no mood for her crap after what she pulled that morning.
My fiance complied. we said goodbye and he asked one more time for me to spend the day with them. i said no and he said ok. I knew they were going to see his dad who i love, but it pains me to see SD be fake nice to him only because he gives her money.
I drove up the coast and had a glorious day walking the beach, lunching at my favorite clam shack, and basically enjoying freedom. it felt great to be alone and i didnt give SD a passing thought.
Fiance said he understands my need to do this...and i was in the best mood ive been in for a long time when i returned home and i know he saw it. I feel like i finally have his support in this.
The incident (too much to detail) yesterday morning i think really opened his eyes and BM's eyes to a lot regarding SD. Apprently BM actually yelled at SD and took my fiance's side which was HUGE. I dont think BM has ever yelled at or discplined her child. Ever. The cops were even angry at/stern with my SD, and my fiance said she looked like she crapped her pants she was so afraid.
I think i can do this especially for the weekday visits. Weekends are still so up in the air that who knows if she'll be around or not. but i have two weeks to worry about a weekend.
I had a similar incident this
I had a similar incident this past weekend. My DH normally has his kids 50/50 with BM, but because of some screwed up schedule changes, we're going to have them three weeks in a row, which I was NOT happy about. I found out about it after the schedule changes were done. I still have one more week of my three-week sentence left. LOL
For whatever reason, I seem to tolerate a lot of shit before I finally hit a wall and break down and lose my mind, and that happened this past Friday night. Having these kids for so long with no break certainly didn't help matters. I know they just don't know any better, but they're whiny, needy, messy brats, and I don't like being around them.
My last straw was when DH said we were going to be meeting BM Saturday morning so the youngest (SS7) could have a little skating party for his birthday. This came out of nowhere. (This is the same woman who recently just applied for a job at MY son's daycare center. DH claims it's just a coincidence, but I seriously doubt that. She knows my son is there.)
I just LOST IT. Keep in mind that we've already celebrated this boy's birthday twice. We had a special lunch, cake, and presents at my husband's parents' house the weekend prior, then we went to a natural science museum that SS7 loves and spent the day there, doing whatever he wanted because it's his birthday, and...what? Now we have to have a damn skating party with BM in attendance, too? How many freaking celebrations does this kid really need?!
DH told me about this Friday night, and that we were supposed to be there at 10:00am the following morning.
I broke down - I mean REALLY broke down - sobbing uncontrollably for about half an hour. I couldn't get two words out. I had to go hide in our bedroom so I wouldn't upset the kids, it was so bad.
I cried off and on for the rest of the night. I felt so hopeless, and I don't know why, but I kept saying "I don't have anything! I don't have ANYTHING!"
I think what I meant by that was that I have no time to myself, no peace and quiet, and I hadn't had any in quite some time. I can't do anything without at least one of my skids underfoot all the time, harrassing me and wanting me to do something for them, and it finally hit me that - at least right now - I HATE that part of my life.
DH didn't know what to do. He was upset, too, and understandably so. Normally I handle things really well, but now he was expecting me to go to a THIRD thing for SS7's birthday? With BM there for me to chit chat with? DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN, WHY?
In the end, I just flat-out told DH I would not be there. I'd take my two boys and do something with them if DH wanted me to, or he could take them with his kids to the party, but either way, I wasn't getting anywhere near BM or the skating rink, no way, no how. DH seems to think we have to do everything together, no matter what, so it upset him, but for my own sanity's sake, I could NOT go to that party.
DH took my boys, and his boys, to the skating party, and I went off and spent the afternoon doing whatever I wanted, BY MYSELF. It was glorious! I shopped, I just drove around listening to my favorite music, and I took my sweet time getting back home. It's like I was a totally different person when I got back!
It's not enough to fix the problem, but DH knows there IS a problem, a big one. I'm a bit of a loner anyway, and when I don't get time alone, I burn out after a while, and I'm of no use to anybody. I just turn into a blubbering, sobby mess.
It's something I'm going to have to continue doing on a regular basis. Meanwhile, I just have to endure one more week of stepbrats in my house, and then I have my week off again (I hope)! Yay!
we can encourage each
we can encourage each other!
btw, i agree that 3 parties is too much. what's gonna happen when he has a milestone birthday? fly in the My Super Sweet Sixteen crew??
Ugh. I KNOW! We have a
Ugh. I KNOW! We have a total of five kids in the house. What, are we supposed to start doing three things for all of their birthdays? Good Lord, we'd have to quit our jobs!
I asked him about that, totally flabbergasted. "How many celebrations does SS7 need? Who the hell do you think he is, a Kardashian?" DH didn't see the problem. "Well, none of them are really big things," he said. "No," I said, "but THREE different celebrations, no matter how big they are, is just a bit much."
We had to eventually agree to disagree.
Well done! Not your monkey
Well done! Not your monkey not your circus. It feels good to be free of them and their baggage.
The problem is that they
The problem is that they begin to expect it year after year...and if one has 3 celebrations then the rest want 3 celebrations.
Thankfully my SSs were reasonable and only wanted us to take them to dinner, no friends. My SD, had at least 2 with BM and 1 with us, year after year.
Good luck
Wow. What was it that
Wow. What was it that resulted in the cops showing?
(Male mind working) Now you've got your freedom every time the kid shows up you're eligible for some hanky panky without needing to cook a story.