SS5 is SO needy, and I don't know how to cope
Ok, so , I am to be married in August to a really awesome guy, who has a 5 year old little boy. SS5 is a sweet little boy when he wants to be, but he is quite spoiled and can be difficult. My FDH is the CP and has been since SS5 was 3, before that FDH and the BM lived togehter. I like all children, I was an early childhood educater for a few years, taking care of other people's children is nothing new to me and I have no big problems with my new role as full time step mom, there are however little things that drive me crazy. I am so frustrated right now because this little boy is so terribley needy all the time. He can't just go play like any other child would, he insists on interaction with adults constantly, even when he has other children to play with. He absolutely HAS to have the attention of an adult, no matter what. My fiance is working 12 hour shifts at work right now so this weekend was my first being totally alone with SS5 since my son was at his grandma's house. Every one to five minutes that child was running to me seeking attention. I heard my name more times in an hour with him than I have in my entire life. I understand why he does it. For the first three years of his life he was neglected by his mother during the day, and then when his daddy got home my FDH literally picked him up and made him the entire focus of all his attention until he went to work the next morning. To my SS5 love means that you focus on him totally, and if you don't he freaks out. I can comprehend the cause of the problem, but understanding doesn't mean it doesn't drive me nuts! How do you cope with a child that feels like he needs to be the center of your universe every milisecond? I was about ready to lock myself in the bathroom and turn the shower on so I couldn't hear him talking to me. The relaly bad thing is he expects all adults, every total strangers to pay attention to him. For example, if he tries to get my attention at the store and I tell him to wait a moment because I can focus on him right that moment he will turn and walk up to any random shopper and demand their attention rather than wait on me. He is 5 years old and he can't even be trusted to walk next to the cart in a store! He has to ride in the buggy because I am so afraid that he will end up getting snatched up by some perv because he will run off and follow anyone around talking to them. It is just so frustrating, I have never taken care of a child that required as much attention as he does. My son likes me to pay attention to him, but when I am working on the house or some such he is capable of entertaining himself. Grrrrrrr. La, this is such a rant, but I don't know what to do, other than tell him to get somewhere and sit down constantly.
Both my skids are the same
Both my skids are the same way... I think it all steps from insecurity. They need that constant affirmation that they are loved/wanted/liked. It's beyond draining. I got to a point a few years ago that I had to put a stop to it. They are better with me now, as they've realized I won't put up with it, but still seek out the attention from any other adults.... Even complete strangers.
With three kids in the house, its literally impossible to give the 2 skids each my undivided attention at all times. They get what I can give, and then they are told to go entertain themselves elsewhere in the house.
"The kid's parents made him
"The kid's parents made him that way." True, they did create the monster, and also true, my FDH will have to be the one who ultimately works to unmake the problem, but I still have to live with SS5 in the interim, and I have to find a way to cope with the craziness. Maybe there isn't any help for my frustration with this, but I am really hoping that I can find some suggestions.
Give him an activity, and
Give him an activity, and tell him that he has to do it for XX amount of time. Enforce.
Example- SS, you need to play here in your room quietly for twenty minutes. Do not come out or call to me until this timer goes off.
Or
Sit here at the table and please color in your coloring book until I am done with the laundry. I will time get you when I am done, do not get up until I do.
And have a nice engaging activity to do together as his reward for playing independantly. You can then slowly increase the amount of time he is expected to occupy himself.
And you can do the
And you can do the reverse....
SS, I will play with now right now for half an hour. In half an hour I will be getting up to go do the dishes, and I expect you to not interupt me while I am doing that. Do you understand?
Or my fall back at that age was, either find something to occupy yourself, or you will be taking a nap. A few times following through on nap time, they started getting better.
My SD5 is the same way.
My SD5 is the same way. Constant attention seeking behavior. She is here week on week off. When she's at her mom's, she's an only child most of the time and is pretty much treated with adult spousal status. She tells her mom what she is doing and when. When she is here, she is one of 6 children, and the second to youngest. She is not yet in school, so all day when she is home with me and my 2 year old, it's 'NJ look at me, NJ look what I'm doing, NJ I want a pudding cup, NJ listen to me, NJ, NJ, NJ, NJ, NJ, NJ.
I've had her go back to taking naps so I can get some peace around here. She's a little bit much. Her mom is an early childhood educator and works at a daycare and is always telling me how this is normal behavior for the age. Excuse me? I have a 12 year old and an 8 year old of my own that NEVER did this crap. My 2 year old doesn't do it. The real ripper is that both her parents think she's "advanced" for her age. LMAO.
My skids narrate their own
My skids narrate their own lives. Lol. If no one is paying attention to them they talk about themselves and what they are doing, like a documentary. It's so weird. And now I am going to get a cup down....and then I open the fridge......and I choose the orange juice....now I will pour the juice into the cup......
And they will tell you about something that you just watched them do two seconds prior.
Mommy, look at me.
(watch them do something random)
Mommy, I just did XX.
Yeah, SD, I saw you, very nice.
Yep, I just did XX, all by myself.
Yes, I know SD..... I watched you do it.
I just went and did XX, do you want me to show you
Aaaaaaaghhhhhh!Aaaaaaaghhhhhh!
Give it a few years.....
Give it a few years..... It'll wear you down.
It's a five minute discussion on every little thing they say or do. It's like we cant just live life and enjoy the moment becuase they are constantly rehashing every detail and bringing the attention to themselves.
Take a picture of SD, and its three re-enactments of what pose she did and how she held her hands, and what way she tilted her head ect ect. yes, SD, I took the pictures, I saw, we don't need to go over it three friggin times.
It's exceptionally draining.
I should have mentioned, the
I should have mentioned, the 12 hour shifts are temporary, he is working some overtime for a few weeks only. Normally he works four tens, during which time SS5 is at daycare, and has three day weekends. If I was not there he would not have a job that offers the overtime, I told him I was ok with him working at this job knowing there would be times when I would be asked to surpervise his son because of it. That doesn't bother me.
LOL, when SS5 was building a block tower Sunday while we were at my grandmother's house picking up my son, he literally brought every block to my grandmother and I and explained exactly what place that block would occupy in his tower, because she and I wouldn't go sit on the floor with him and watch him build. I finally had to tell him that none of those blocks were going anywhere in the tower if he didn't actually go and build it. It is exceptionally draining, and very scary when he goes to strangers. I don't think counseling is a bad idea, because I see this as attachment issues that need to be worked through, but convincing the FDH may take work.