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To speak the truth or not to speak the truth

JY's picture

Submitted by JY on Fri, 10/02/2009 - 2:02pm

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General Discussion

Hello,

I was ironing bio-daughter's clothes when my mind had the following thought: Do children like to be told the truth or not to be told the truth? The reason for my thought was because, if anyone has seen my previous two postings it occurred to me alot of the issue I am experiencing is that I am use to telling the truth to people, and with step-daughter I feel like I have to bite my tongue. When I say I have to bite my tongue is because, I don't want to talk negatively about her mother because, I know step-daughter loves her mother. I wonder does step-daughter know her mother has done some really inappropriate things to fiance, myself, fiance's sister, and fiance's mother. The only reason I wonder is because, step-daughter has been present for alot of the inappropriate things her mother has done.
What are your opinions?

Signing out,
JY

Totalybogus's picture

Submitted by Totalybogus on Fri, 10/02/2009 - 3:13pm

She didn't do anything to her daughter. What she may have done to the adults is subjective. I don't think you need to say anything negative about this girl's mother.

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Mon, 10/05/2009 - 11:11am

We've been sugarcoating for Mom for years and it's bit us on the butt!!! If my ss asks us a question about his Mom or a situation with his Mom, we answer him honestly. SS's therapist told us that we should not bad mouth BM, but we shouldn't lie to make her look better, we should answer in age appropriate terms.

JazzyJ22's picture

Submitted by JazzyJ22 on Fri, 08/16/2019 - 1:10pm

I agree... first off never talk about her mother to her without her dad being around... I only say this because she can always lie and say you said something you didn't and that could cause problems... also concider the deliverance... bad mouthing is different then stating, "I understand your mother handled it this way... but in our home we want to work through our problems and this is how we do this here... so that we can move through tough times without everyone fighting"... the thing about step parents is that we become teachers and mentors to these children there is nothing wrong with a kid getting more love! But we don't want to down their parents either... it doesn't help the situation to talk crap about it the better thing to do is be part of the solution... i know because my SO has 3 baby mothers and 4 children... I realize I don't want them thinking I have issues with their mothers I want them to know that Im with their father and available to bring more love if they allow me too!

Siemprematahari's picture

Submitted by Siemprematahari on Fri, 08/16/2019 - 2:09pm

I think it's important to be honest with children however, I would never bad mouth the BM no matter how sh!tty of a mother she is. When it comes to things like that the kids have to see it for themselves. Just focus on what you all do in your home and 'model' appropriate behavior there.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 08/16/2019 - 7:38pm

Facts are neither good nor bad.  They are merely facts.  They are neither negative nor positive.

It is the behaviors that generate the facts that matter.

Tell the Skid the truth.

We landed on this with my SS in response to the manipulation of the Spermclan.  He would return from SpermLand visitation all upset that CS was taking food out of the mouths of his three younger aalso out of welock Spermidiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas.  How they did not have the nice things that he had, blah, blah, blah.

So he got the truth in an age appropriate manner.  This minimized the manipulation and armed him to protect himself from their shitty manipulation as he grew up.