SO has lost his drivers license for 1 month - I am disengaged, should I be helping out?
SO will be losing his license this Friday for 1 month. Not for drink driving or anything like that, for driving with an unpaid fine that was unpaid for that long he got a suspension. We didn't know about it, (or I didn't anyway). He has paid the fine and now has to do the mandatory 1 month suspension.
When he picks up his children it is approximately a 2 hour round trip. Plus he takes his son to football on Sunday and it's about 2 hours worth of driving there and back, plus the game. I never go because the BM is a piece of work and creates agro and an uncomfortable situation. Also this child SS12 is particularly problematic and the main reason I have disengaged. I usually stay at home with his 2 daughters and my bios because no one wants to watch him play. Then he takes the kids home Sunday evenings and that's another 2 hour round trip.
I don't want to do his driving for him. I think the BM's can do the driving. There is no court order at all in place. One BM doesn't actually have a license but her SO does. The other BM is single but has a car and a license.
What does everyone think would be fair in this situation?
Yes, public transport, I
Yes, public transport, I always forget about it, but it is definately an option.
I would prefer not to do
I would prefer not to do anything as well, and take a 1 month break from his children, unless their transport can be arranged by others. That would suit me well, probably would make me look a little mean though.
That's a good point CH101,
That's a good point CH101, firstly, this would not happen to me, I pay my bills. And to be honest, I can't get this man to come grocery shopping with me so I don't know if he would do all that driving for me, I really do not know. In the last 2 years of our 4 year relationship I have been driven nearly insane in this mainly 1 way street of me doing the giving and him the taking, until I disengaged with great success. Being him and his childrens taxi for entire weekends would be too much for me to take.
OK put it this way. You
OK put it this way. You cannot drive for a month because of a medical issue (say a broken leg). Would he step up to the plate?
I would say no. He didn't pay the fine, he finds out that sometimes you put a LOT of people out because of your stupid behaviour.
This falls into the same category as running your kids homework to school for them because they forgot it.
If DH was kissing my ass and
If DH was kissing my ass and waiting on me hand and foot I might.
If I'm disengaged, then no
If I'm disengaged, then no I'm not shuttling skids to and fro.
Why would you even consider
Why would you even consider taking responsibility for DH and Bm's spawn?
I think I will sit him down
I think I will sit him down tonight and find out exactly how he thinks this is going to work.
Agree with most of the others
Agree with most of the others here. Would he do the same for you? Why should you bust your ass for a skid who you don't acknowledge? His dad screwed him over; he can deal with it. If you weren't there what would happen? When skid gets resentful, ask him that: "what would you do if I weren't here?" Either you get respected as an adult in the home or they can figure out their stuff.
Good luck!
It's not that I don't
It's not that I don't acknowledge the skid, he is just a rude 12 year old boy, who in the past has been allowed to get away with far too much due to his father's guilty parenting and my absolute bewilderment that a grown man could allow his son to behave this way in my house. I have since taken control back, and won't put up with anything at all from the child, but the resentment is still there, I do not like having him in my house at all, (sometimes I don't like having his father in it either) so I don't really want to be the one to pick him up and bring him there -lol. Shame though, his little sister is really quite nice and is the same age and besties with my daughter.
Some places have visitation
Some places have visitation transportation facilitator services. Let DH figure this out. He is the one without a license due to his failure to address the fine.