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Skids going back and forth between two way different homes

byebyebirdie's picture

Just wondering if your skids go back and forth between two homes that are completely different. Example we have a rather nice house not extravagant but nice skid has own bedroom here we have nice things and not in debt. Me and DH both work and we rarely fight. We have what I like to think of as pretty stable happy home. On other hand skids mothers house is a mess she shares a room with her brother her mom having another baby and the house is only two bedroom. Skid said BM and STepdad fight all the time and her stepdad don't work. House is a fing mess all the time. Skid is allowed to skip school often.
We basically have two completely different ways of what we see is good life. I often wonder what the skid makes of the complexly different situations between her two families

byebyebirdie's picture

I believe he thought she was something different when they met and then bam she got PG I believe she was setting a trap since she claimed to be on pill. Then basically they ended it they are two completely different people. It really does suck the different value systems the kid is learning and she lives w BM more so good chance she will take after that side. She already acts like BM often.

2ndclasscitizen's picture

Same here. My DH was a college kid from Chicago, she was the town bicycle who needed a way out of her crappy life. (He moved to her small town to go to college) Two drunken hookups later, she was pregnant. He married her to "do the right thing" but of course she ended up cheating on him with multiple men, and marriage barely lasted a year. Now on her third husband, she is doing much better, but I am still wary of her. She treats my SD as a friend, so often my husband and I have to do the discipline to attempt to turn SD into a decent person.....so far doesn't look promising so I've disengaged quite a bit and have retained my sanity because of this.

Lisap0924's picture

we have the same problem! ss lives with me and fh. we just bought a house, we both have good jobs and we have rules!

bm has lived in 5 different apartments in the past 2 years. divorced her husband, met a new bf whom she fights like crazy with. has had 2 restraining orders on him in the past 2 years. doesnt have a car, recently quit her job because she was having a hard time getting to work with no car and no friends or family to help her.
she smokes pott like its her job and has horible anger management issues!
and the kids walk all over her (bm has a daughter with her now ex husband)

when ss goes to her place, it usually takes him 2 days to get back to normal!

byebyebirdie's picture

It's crazy. Supposedly the BM is looking for new house since she is having this new baby and the house they live in is way to small. Like I said 13 yr old girl shares room with 7yr old boy and another baby on the way. And I asked skid but when will BM put house up for sale and she said oh they are going to let the bank have it back! :jawdrop: I could not believe this crap who does that? Wow I understand people who lost jobs and bad off I get it... but to try and buy new home and let junkie home go back to bank? I just don't think it's as easily done as they think and someone will come after them.

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

Kids going between two homes is what happens when people divorce and it is not uncommon for there to be a significant lifestyle/income disparity betweent the two homes. It is not ideal, but there is not much you can do about it.

imjustthemaid's picture

We have full custody of SD16 so she lives with us with no visitation with BM. But since she is 16 we let her make the decision if she wants to see BM. She sees her usually on Fridays. We have a nice house, me and DH normally do not fight or argue, I clean, cook take care of the other kids. DH owns a company. I say we are pretty normal.

BM has 2 kids and doesn't know who the fathers are, she is at a bar 7 nights a week, is a drug addict, has a different guy at her house every night, never has any money, is dirty and gross, house is dirty and gross, doesn't cook or clean, gets into bar fights!!

We couldn't be more opposite! The part that gets me is that SD will stick up for her mother all the time!

frustrated-mom's picture

"The part that gets me is that SD will stick up for her mother all the time!"

Former SD16 did the same thing. Some how her dad and I were the bad, evil people for having a nice place to live, giving her nice things and providing a good home.

But her drug addicted BM who let her crazy boyfriend abuse her and then abandoned her was a saint who could do no wrong and she would hold it against anyone for life if you dared say anything about her BM.

imjustthemaid's picture

yep its disgusting. BM abandoned her and thats how DH got full custody. BM has never done a nice thing for this kid. We have taken her on beautiful vacations, given her the world, she has a nice bedroom, ipod, laptop, food on the table every night.

BM is a loser whorebag who wants nothing to do with any of her kids. She is mean, screams and yells, doesn't feed them, is a drug addict whore who leaves her little kids home alone and goes to the bar every single night.

But in SD's eyes, BM can do no wrong!

If BM wasn't such a loser, DH would send her to live there so she can see how "good" her life would be!! But she would have us in court before SD's bags were packed and chances are SD would end up back at our house hooked on drugs and pregnant.