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Skid's Birthday

Lemon65's picture

SD's birthday is this weekend and she will be turning eleven. My SO keeps asking what I think he should buy her as a gift. I honestly don't know because what do you buy for a child who has everything and wants for nothing? My suggestion was that we take her to do something special instead, but even that one is a head scratcher because BM takes her to do fun things every weekend, plus mutliple vacations every year.

We were discussing this over dinner and SO mentioned that he really wants to buy her a cell phone. My eyes about popped out of my head! First of all, BM has already informed SD that she cannot have a cell phone until she is 14, which I think is very reasonable. Second of all, we just moved into a new house and should not be spending that kind of money on a birthday gift. I think he needs to wait and let BM buy her a damn cell phone.

After telling SO all of this, he said that he's not actually planning on buying SD a cell phone but it would be nice if she had one so he could talk to her whenever he wants. I told him that he will rue the day that SD gets a cell phone because he will no longer have her undivided attention, or worse, BM will be in constant contact with her while she's with us. He proceeded to tell me that SD will never be so rude because she's such a sweet girl.

Yes, she is a sweet girl but one day she will be a teenager and I remember exactly what it was like to be a teenage girl. I know that everyone wants to believe their child is special, but what is it with these men thinking their precious daughters will never display typical childish or teenage behavior? Is it bad that I can't wait to tell him "I told you so"?

 

ndc's picture

He's delusional if he thinks he'd be able to talk to her whenever he wanted even now.  If the BM doesn't want her to have a cell phone, chances are she won't be allowed to use it when she's with BM. So much for talking to her whenever he wants. . . .

Lemon65's picture

You're aboslutely right. I imagine BM will impose some restrictions and she hasn't exactly been encouraging of SD's relationship with SO. In fact, she's made it nearly impossible for him to even be a part of SD's life over the years. Not sure why he thinks a cell phone will fix that.

momjeans's picture

Yeah, a cell phone won’t fix relationship issues now - or ever. There were a couple times my DH wondered if it was even SD he was talking to, and not BM. 

And you better believe that allowing her to have a cell phone will be an added avenue of BM inserting herself, via SD, on your SO’s time. 

It has been the bane of my DH’s coparenting existence - his child having an iPhone since she was 7. She’s now 11 and it’s like another appendage, constantly in her hand. It took him a couple years to find his groove with her having a phone and access to her high conflict mother at her fingertips and implementing some very strict rules regarding its use in our home. 

I think gifting her an experience is a great idea! 

Lemon65's picture

We celebrated SD's birthday yesterday. True to SO's fashion, he waited until the last minute to worry about a gift and was agonizing over what to buy her. He kept asking me for ideas and to be honest, I really didn't care because I think she's spoiled rotten. One idea I did have was to simply give her cash and take her shopping because she seems to enjoy picking things out for herself. When I said this, I was thinking $20-$40. Nope, he decided he was going to give her a $100! Does that seem like a lot to anyone else? My family never made a big deal out of birthdays and I know his family didn't either, but I think in general, $100 is too much for an eleven year old. He then proceeded to make a comparison to the diamond earrings he bought me for Christmas a few years ago. I was pretty much done with the conversation after that. I do not think it is fair for him to compare a gift that he gave me to a gift that he is giving his daughter. I am an adult and she is a child. Sometimes I have to remind him of that.

Anyway, we spent all day Saturday shopping for furniture for our new home and he also spent time looking for a gift for SD because he wasn't too keen on just giving her cash. He of course didn't find anything, so cash it was. I then spent Saturday evening baking her a cake and she came over Sunday afternoon. So, guess what we spent all day Sunday doing? Shopping. Needless to say, I am exhausted! Personally, I like shopping, but not with SD! You would think by her behavior that having money to spend is some kind of burden! We went into every store that she wanted to go into, and she just stood around, not even looking at anything! After hours at the mall, she had only spent $12. I guess it is good that she didn't blow it all, but it felt like a huge waste of time.

Not to mention, she had a sleep over the night before and BM let her stay up until 2am. So all we heard about all day was how tired she was. After shopping, we went out for dinner and she was practically falling asleep in the restaurant. We decided it would be best to take her straight home afterwards, but when we got in the car she informed us that BM said she couldn't come home until 8pm. Really bad planning on her part! Because of this, we had to drive all the way back to our house and at that point, I was just done. I hid out in my bedroom until SD left. At least I have another year until her next birthday, but I am already not looking forward to it!

georgina29's picture

It seems to be a common theme with parents spoiling their children when they have divorced the other parent. These parents also tend to not discipline thier kids nor hold them acocuntable for anything. This is the case here. I also am in a situation like this. My skids have so many toys we never know what to get them. They are not doing their kid any favors in the long run. When they hit adulthood one day reality will hit like a brick wall.

Lemon65's picture

I couldn't agree more! In fact, those were almost my exact words. I let him know that she is getting to the age where she needs to learn the value of money and how to earn things for herself. Of course it didn't phase him, but at least I tried. She really is a sweet kid, but I am afraid that once she hits puberty, SO and BM will be in for a rude awakening! And I kind of hope I'm right Secret I may not have children of my own, but I was once a teenager and remember it very well!