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She's back tomorrow and Cowboy boots

round2's picture

Submitted by round2 on Mon, 01/28/2013 - 1:00pm

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This is a terrible way to feel. My SD8 is back tomorrow for her mid-week visit and I dreading it. We did not have her this past weekend and it was a lot of fun. DH, me and my bio's went to an annual event we have near where we live and had a blast.

My DD9 and I both got nice pairs of cowboy boots and I am sure SD will throw a fit and want to know where her pair is. And I am sure DH will give in.

The problem I have with this is that my DD's birthday is next week and I made a point of telling her - these boots are part of your birthday gifts. My kids get this, they understand that sometimes they get stuff beforehand and that it 'counts' towards their birthday gifts. The boots for her were $100 so I really dont want to rush out and buy SD a pair just so she is not upset.

I am sure I will lose this one but it just pisses me off.

round2's picture

Submitted by round2 on Mon, 01/28/2013 - 1:17pm

She is, no doubt about it. We went to a boot store around Thanksgiving and they have wanted boots since then. DH doesnt want me to count them towards her bday but I want to - $100 for a pair of boots for a kid is stupid in the first place. At least let me make them part of a gift.

It is hard when they are so close in age - every fucking thing is a competition between them and it is exhausting.

DH makes double what I make so I cannot put the hammer down too hard when he shelled out $500 for boots for me and my DD9 and a turquoise belt for me as well. I just hate that we have to keep everything 'even'.

When I was a kid, you went without occassionally and you just dealt with it. Not now I guess...god forbid little Susie get her fee fee's hurt. Barf

Step-Volgirl's picture

Submitted by Step-Volgirl on Mon, 01/28/2013 - 3:01pm

Making things even sucks. We took MIL to the mall for her birthday to a paint your own pottery place. On the way out, MIL took SD shopping. Then to make matters worse, SD lost a QUARTER and threw such a fit that MIL, not having any change, gave SD a dollar. I had no money to buy DS anything "extra" at the mall, so DS was "left out"....he was totally devastated! DH and I made the rule that we don't take both kids shopping for "extras" unless they both get something. This applies to "extras" only - not school/sport needs, replacement clothing/shoes, birthday gifts or awards.

This has worked for us. Last weekend, DS got a present as a reward for A's and B's only on his report card. SD got a few C's and was a little bummed, but she know's she'll get a reward when she pulls her grades up. It doesn't totally end the jealousy, but it decreases the guilt DH and I feel.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Mon, 01/28/2013 - 4:26pm

Cant you tell sd that if she still wants boots when her birthday rolls around she can have some? What's more fair or even than that?

runfaster's picture

Submitted by runfaster on Mon, 01/28/2013 - 6:27pm

Back in the day, my mom gave my sister and me this epic speech about how we were different people and she wasn't going to treat us alike and that she didn't care if it was fair or not and wasn't going to have conversations about fairness. She then pointed out all the ways we were fortunate compared to the rest of the world, and that life was already not fair in both of our favor in so, so many ways. Of course we rolled our eyes and did the whole "but mooooom" thing, but we both still remember that speech, and we never had any tedious "it's not fair" conversations after that.

One more reason my mom is, alas, an example I can only hope to live up to.

Orange County Ca's picture

Submitted by Orange County Ca on Mon, 01/28/2013 - 8:26pm

Hide the boots - tell your kid and Dad to shut up.

I'd like to suggest that the steps kids boots count towards her birthday also but it sounds like Daddy will 'forget' that when the kids birthday rolls around.

So in the end you'll have to tell your kid that life isn't fair. What's going to happen of course is the step will grow up thinking the world owes her and fail in life while your kid will make a go of it. But that's many years off isn't it?

Relle's picture

Submitted by Relle on Mon, 01/28/2013 - 9:23pm

If SD ends up with a new pair of boots to "make it fair", then I'd say "fine, but since they were for DD's birthday I will have to go out and get her another present as I'm sure SD will also be getting a birthday present in addition to the boots when her birthday rolls around!" And that way it's "fair" }:)