SD9 afraid of BM?
SD9 said something the other day that concerned both BF and myself. She was talking to BM on the phone the other night, all excited about the science project (an exploding volcano) that she had made over the weekend. BM wanted no part of the volcano at her house so she pretty much yelled at SD to leave it at school until today (Wednesday) when she's back with us for dinner night. The woman flys off the handle about insignificant things a lot. So SD sat at the kitchen table with BF, finishing the paint job on the volcano & they talked a little bit. She said that "Mommy's mad at me because she didn't say I love you when she got off the phone" and that she was startled when she raised her voice at her. So he asked her if she gets startled when he gets mad & she kind of waffled on the question a little bit. My thinking is that I'm sure she does get startled when someone raises their voice at her because no one EVER does - god forbid! But then she said "Well Mommy's mad & when Mommy gets mad it's not pretty." I'm not sure what that says to me but my gut feeling is to be concerned about it. Do you guys have any thoughts on this? I just want to say that I'm so glad to have found this forum - you've all helped to keep me as sane as I can be in this situation 
oh, as an addition to that
oh, as an addition to that comment, I did say to her that people are going to get mad at her throughout her lifetime and that she's got to let that roll off her back. She's such a people pleaser & she's got to learn that she can't sacrifice herself to make others happy. I told her that she's got to do what's best for her & not worry about if someone gets mad at her or not.
There is not a lot to go on
There is not a lot to go on here but it sounds like you should keep your eyes open.
Sometimes there is little one can do except support the kid. This is especially true of a step-parent.
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It may be that 50 years from now the only important thing you did in this life is to be important in the life of a kid.
I'm wondering if BM is
I'm wondering if BM is playing sick mind games with SD. When she said about BM being mad bc she didn't say I love you, it makes me wonder what kind of head trip she's putting on her. We always "stick up" for BM and say that we're sure she's not mad but it's just interesting.
YES!!! She does that with us
YES!!! She does that with us too! She's got to tell BF she loves him 8000 times before going to bed. It's nice to hear but a bit excessive. I always wondered where that came from.