If DH told you about this then he clearly isn't hiding it from you. Talk with him and let him know your feelings and that you maybe worry she is trying to get him back.
She probably is just looking for closure which is ok. If you are ok with it or think you can handle it then let him give her the closure. DO NOT let him go to counseling with her.
Maybe he could just send her an email citing his reasons for ending the marriage. Or at least just say something like "I'm really sorry that our marriage worked out but everything happens for a reason. I care for you as the mother of my children and wish you the best of luck in your life".
If you suspect in any way that he may be considering going back with her then get out now!

I always try and put myself in other peoples shoes and I know that I need closure. If their relationship ended abruptly then I understand her need. If it was a long and dragged out breakup then they have probably already discussed these things and there's no need to bring up the past again.

Just talk with DH about it. Try and read how he is feeling about this. You have every right to say no if you are not comfortable with it.
Listen to your gut. You know DH and BM and I'm sure you can tell if her request is genuine or malicious.

Did your fiancé oblige her and discuss these things? If he didn't, then you don't have much of a problem. If he did, then you do. I'll answer as if he discussed these things with her.

With a crazy clingy BM, you will never find peace unless your DH develops strong boundaries when it comes to BM. He is the key to keeping this drama out of your lives. You, as the partner who never had anything to do with BM (and keep it that way) has no power to change this. It's all on him. He'll either step up and prove himself to you or he won't. And that will tell you what's in store for your future.

At this point, their marriage is long over with. The ONLY relationship he needs to have with BM is a respectful and businesslike interaction to discuss the kids. Emotions and care taking of emotions have no business in the relationship.

A good way to handle a BM who did what she did is "BM, first of all, do not call me at work. Second of all, our relationship is long gone. I'm sorry if you're having trouble emotionally, but you need to turn to your friends and family or a therapist on your own. Our relationship is long over with, so asking me to go to counseling to talk about it is highly inappropriate. Turning to me about anything that is not about the kids is not appropriate anymore." and hang up.

DH needs to start evaluating every contact as: is this ACTUALLY about the kids or is it about BM? If it's the latter, he can say "I'm sorry, but I'm only interested in discussing things that we need to discuss regarding the kids" and hang up.

Now, a crazy clingy BM will not react well to someone putting up healthy boundaries with her, and she will escalate. She will try to find a way around this new boundary, to ensure the connection to DH is still there. He needs to be ready for this, and ready to shut down her efforts. A smart BM will look to confuse a man, and wrap up everything as being "about the kids" or "for the kids". He is the one who needs to quickly assess whether it's something to do with: health and safety, schooling, emotional health or needed schedule changes. Everything else does not need to be talked about. It just doesn't.

Also, the method she's allowed to contact him is another way to put up boundaries. Calling him at work is a no go. That's something that a spouse does, not an ex-wife. As much communication as possible should be done by email, to stop this "he's available to me 24/7" idea that she has, and it gives him time to read and figure out if it's needed parenting or not. If she calls, let it go to voicemail. Don't respond if it's not needed conversation. If it is, respond via email.

That not responding thing is key. If she writes something that has nothing to do with things that actually need to be discussed about the kids, ignore it. Sometimes she might write angry messages. It seems like she's got a point if she's that mad, but be careful. Crazy clingy BMs will look for any way to engage emotionally with DH, even if it's an argument. It tells her that she can still get to him; she still matters in his life. So responding with *crickets* even if she annoys you is important to wean her off the continued emotional engagement she gets from him.

Written communication also allows for record keeping, should BM become vindictive.

What did your fiancé say to her?

You shouldn't have to cope with it, he needs to shut her down. If she wants counseling, good for her, she can go solo.

Counseling for them together and discussing their marital problems should have been done before the split.

If this helps at all, three years after they split, and a year into our relationship, my husband told his ex that he wanted a divorce - and her response? "WHATS THE HURRY!!?"

It's worth mentioning, she had been in a relationship herself for 18 months.

Omg, these people with their baggage and unfinished emotional issues. Only you know if your fiancé is committed to you or wants to go back to her - since he told you about it (was he laughing?) seems like he prefers you and just wanted to share with you. BM's issues are just that - HER issues. The less he says to her, the better. She appears to be drowning in the changes that are happening in YOUR life, and trying to get him to throw her a life preserver. He should not do it.

If you are confident in your love for each other, I agree with an earlier post that a short and simple note that they are done is best, and that they won't be discussing the issue any further. DO NOT feed her need for connection by engaging in ANYTHING more. If you need proof of why this is a bad idea, just read more of all our blogs. Cut the ties now (please learn for all our mistakes) and go build your happy life together.

What do you do? Well.... what do you want the result to be? If you're asking how to get BM to stop calling, the answer is that you can't. You can't control her, and trying to figure out a way to make her do what you want is the path of madness. So. Do you want to just not know when she calls? Do you want your fiancee to hang up on her if it's not about the kids? Do you want out of the relationship so you don't have to deal with the crazy? Figure out what your ideal is THAT'S WITHIN YOUR CONTROL (meaning an action YOU can take or talk to your fiancee about) and do that.

The thing about this is that if they can resolve their differences it really is for the best and it will help your marriage out in the long run. I would encourage them sorting thru what happened as maybe they can each find what caused the failure in their marriage so they do not repeat the same again.