Personality Transplant
Does anyone else feel they undergo a personality transplant at the dreaded EOW? I'm normally an outgoing sociable person, but I go quiet, withdrawn and unhappy when the skids are here. I don't hate them, just hate them being here. SS17 went to a party on Friday night and got home Saturday morning and took up his usual position on his laptop sprawled on the sofa. SO was working - which is very unusual for him - and SD15 stayed at BM's as she wasn't well. It is MY house and I felt like an interloper. I didn't feel comfortable staying in the living room, so hopped about between the garden and the bedroom. Ridiculous. I hate feeling like this. I must be one of the only people that looks forward to Mondays EOW, and getting back to work - even though I hate my job!!
Hi Texas, I'm sorry to hear
Hi Texas, I'm sorry to hear that. Is there a possibility you can leave this damaging relationship?
I found myself in the quiet,
I found myself in the quiet, withdrawn, fraidy-cat mode on weekends, too. I didn't like it one bit. Make a long story short, I went to counseling by myself. She wasn't the world's greatest counselor imho but she did help me find some ways to talk to my husband better about the issues that put me in that mode. Lucky for me, he rose to the occasion. But he had been trying all year (we had only been married one year) and had made a lot of good changes that were hard for him. I went to counseling by myself because I wanted to give him a break.
So for the first few weeks I just used the counselor mostly for my own venting so the ugliness was spared between DH and me.
When I was ready, she gave me some baby steps to take my power back and stop cowering in my own home.
Very happy to say that a few months later DH and I are tighter than peas in a pod and SD15 is now the one in therapy WHERE SHE BELONGED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
SD15 is still a very stressful person but DH has learned more about boundaries and given higher expectations to her and my shrinking days are mostly over.
I urge you to take some steps before you get permanently crouched into that shrinking mode. Not only not good for you, but likely death for your marriage.
That is so sad I usually
That is so sad
I usually enjoy talking with my dh but when he starts to talk about SS I shut down because I KNOW he is just about to lay something on me! Something about me not trying hard enough or whatever. He seriously thinks the reason SS sometimes refuses to greet me (even when I have greeted him first) is because he is 'scared' of me.
sounds like my husband. Being
sounds like my husband. Being nagged about not trying hard enough is so annoying. That's HIS child. He just needs to make sure he's putting in his effort as a parent and stop worrying about what you're doing. You married him to become his wife, not become super step-mom of the year.
I too look forward to going
I too look forward to going to work just so I'm away from everyone. I work an odd schedule with some nights so it's great coming home at 9:30, everything is done, friends are gone, etc so I can just relax. Lately I haven't even been coming home right away though as I'm not even happy enough to go home even when everyone is in their rooms or somewhere else. I just don't like being around them anymore.
I understand completely. It
I understand completely. It can feel like we go through a temporary lobotomy when the Skid/blended family drama ramps up.
For me it was usually only during pre visitation behavioral degradation when SS was getting close to a Sperm Land visitation and then for the 2-3 weeks of post visitation detox behavioral adjustments.