Opinions Encouraged....School expenses
Forums:
If a Dad that has 50/50 custody pays over $14,000 a year to send his child private school, how should other school expenses be handled?
Other expenses meaning uniforms, school supplies, field trips, lunches, extra special occassion shirts (spirit shirts, field day shirts, etc), school activities (athletics, choir, etc)
Curious to see what you ladys have to say! I know the question is vague, but I need unbiased opinions.
This is yet another reason I
This is yet another reason I think 50/50 is the stupidest custody arrangement EVER. There is no right answer. If your DH is paying 100% or at least the majority of expenses than I think he other parent should pay for the extras but with things 50/50 he probably has to pay 1/2.
Agreed. Not sure one parent
Agreed. Not sure one parent should lose parenting time with their child unless there are extenuating circumstances.
I had 50/50 custody with my
I had 50/50 custody with my ex and it worked out well.
Depends on what the court
Depends on what the court order says. If it is silent, then I say nothing towards anything over and beyond tuition.
Too many unknowns to really
Too many unknowns to really make an opinion.
Did mom agree to put the kid
Did mom agree to put the kid in private school? If not, then dad should cover all costs.
My son's dad was against sending to private school. I ignored his opinion and enrolled DS where I wanted him to go. I paid for everything.
I think if they have 50/50
I think if they have 50/50 custody, they should be splitting all the costs, including that tuition!
My personal situation- DH and BM have 50/50 custody too and BM contributes NOTHING. Anything DH wants to do for or buy SD, he has to pay for himself.
The only thing I would add is that if the decision to send skid to private school was your DH’s alone, then yes he should be footing the bill because that is a CHOICE he is making. Skid doesn’t HAVE to go to private school. If that is the case, then I think the BM should just pay for the school supplies.
It’s hard to say without knowing more info!
If they have 50/50 custody,
If they have 50/50 custody, the decision to send the kid to private school should have been a joint one they agreed on. If that's the case, they should be sharing all tuition and fees 50/50. If not and one parent enrolled the child against the other parent's wishes, the enrolling parent should foot the bill.
As for supplies and clothes, I think each parent should provide what the child will need at their home. If kid lives primarily with one parent during the school days, then uniform costs could be split 50/50 as well.
Exceptions to the 50/50 cost split should probably be made if there is significant pay disparities and parents can agree to reasonable shares.
Any extras including field trips, spirit shirts, lunches, etc. should be covered by child support.
That's just my opinion .. the actual situation will depend in large part on the custody arrangement or court order.
No child support was ordered
No child support was ordered in CO
If no child support is
If no child support is ordered, then each parent is responsible for covering needs in their own home. If DH agreed to cover all the educational costs, I'm not sure what he can do here. It's clear BM isn't pulling her weight and sliding every expense she can to DH, but short of going to court and asking for support, not sure what can be done.
This sounds a lot like something our BM would do in similar circumstances.
Here's more info: SD has
Here's more info:
SD has always attended the private school, even before the divorce. BM was all for private school until the divorce (she is the one who left) then she wanted public school. DH chose to keep SD in private school.
CO states DH will have all educational decisions as long as he pays tuition for private school. Yes, that 14,000 is an accurate amount of tuition only. Don't kind yourself we sacrifice alot to make that payment, but the education SD is receiving is worth it. CO states nothing about additional school expenses.
BM refuses to pay any other expenses.
If a special event t-shirt day falls on her custody period, she will call and get ours. Yes, I give in because I do not want SD to show up at school and be the only one without her shirt. If a t-shirt form comes home on her custody time, she leaves it in the home folder for us.
School supplies, refuses to even pay half.
Lunches, SD has a lunch account, we bill BM for lunches bought during her custody. She states she doesn't have to pay for any lunches purchased during her custody period.
School uniforms, even though SD is with her for an entire week, she only buys 2 sets. She doesn't have a washer/dryer so her and SD have to go to laundromat mid week.
Field trips, leaves the forms in home file for us, even if it is on her custody time
School activities, just refuses to pay anything towards them.
I accept the fact that she will never contribute anything to SD's education, I just have a hard time understanding as a parent why wouldn't you want to contribute.
Plus, she has been overheard bragging about not paying anything, she will never realize how bad comments like that make her sound!
I don't understand it either.
I don't understand it either. My SD's BM is the same way. We have SD all week because BM is too unstable to make sure SD gets to school. BM is supposed to take SD on weekends but rarely takes her. She contributes NOTHING. Doesn't buy any school clothes, shoes, supplies, pays for no field trips, NOTHING. Parents, especially mothers, like that are a disgrace.
Parents, especially mothers,
Parents, especially mothers, like that are a disgrace.
Amen Sister!
It should be split, but
It should be split, but without it being in the CO I'm not sure there is much to be done. It is in our CO that BM is to pay half of medical and child support- but even with that in writting it still doesnt happen. So unfortunately I'm not sure there is much to be done. Your DH could file a modification asking for her to be responsible for half of expenses but without it you just have to deal with teh fact that BM is not going to pay for her child. (and really lunches?!? if the kid is at her house she would pay for lunches even in public school!)
Here is her reasoning for not
Here is her reasoning for not paying for lunches; that the phrase "must supply child with food, shelter, and clothing while in BM's custody" in the CO only applies when SD is in her house not when she is at school. Really???
Here is her reasoning for not
Here is her reasoning for not paying for lunches; that the phrase "must supply child with food, shelter, and clothing while in BM's custody" in the CO only applies when SD is in her house not when she is at school. Really???
Let me throw this out there
Let me throw this out there to......she refuses to contribute diddly squat financially, however she will pay to go on field trips for herself, buy special event t-shirts for herself, and show up at the event wearing the t-shirt. (I.E. field day).
The best karma, DH's company, which has our last name in the company name, sponsored a special event. BM bought a shirt for herself and DH's company name and logo was on the back of the shirt! Thanks for the free advertising, Mr Ed. (Yes, that is my name for BM, that is her picture to the right)
LOL^^^ I would say that it
LOL^^^
I would say that it would be nice if she would pay more toward the expenses. But your DH never should have said he would pay for it if he does not want to now.
And JMHO...$14000 a year for private school is crazy!
It isnt that he doesnt want
It isnt that he doesnt want to pay, we know we will pay for everything until she graduates and then we will pay for college.
But it frustrates the hell out of us, for her to go to all school activities, purchase school shirts for herself, but contribute nothing for SD!
We buy supply packs and she will do everything in her power to beat us to meet the teacher, so she can unpack the supplies. Not a battle to fight, we just let her do it
Lunches, won't pay for lunches...her reasoning that the phrase "must supply child with food, shelter, and clothing while in BM's custody" in the CO only applies when SD is in her house not when she is at school. Really???
I just needed some verification that I wasn't crazy in my thinking that as BM, she should contribute something.
Yes, it is expensive, but it is an incredible school. Christian based, small classes, lot of 1 on 1, and 99% of all graduates are accepted to the college of their choice, plus the scholarship opportunities are endless. SD gets to pray, say the pledge to the flag, and get hugs from her teachers, that alone is worth every penny!
My name is Shenanigans and I
My name is Shenanigans and I am an enabler! I agree with you 100 percent, I enable her behavior.
I even admit I take up for BM alot more than I should to SD and DH. I chose my battles and unfortunately chosing not to fight some battles causes me to be an enabler because I just want to see my SD happy and having a good day not stressed over a shirt her mom refuses to spend 10 dollars.
The problem is BM would not ever care enough to buy SD a shirt. Sad as it is BM would tell SD9, your dad has your shirt and wouldn't give it me. Already went down that road over a shirt and SD called her Dad in tears because he had her special day shirt and wouldn't give it to her mom. Ugggh early morning drama is the worst!
sucks. if it's something
sucks. if it's something that is festering and you and dh are becoming resentful and unable to contain it, if it's becoming too expensive, too big a burden (not sure if you and your dh have begun your own family or not), impacting your lifestyle, you can send sd to public school. if it's in the court order, try to get it changed. maybe dh's lifestyle/finances has changed since his marriage? it's not a sin to re-visit this situation and ask for a re-do. maybe even suggesting the bm that dh and you are considering public school because you're unable to continue funding 100% will light a fire under her ass. she gets away with it because there's no incentive for her to NOT get away with it. it gets taken care of because she knows your dh will do it. it she suspects this to not be the case and she really wants sd to attend private school, she'll step up. if not, you and your dh have to decide that you're going to swallow this and accept it, or change it.