Not sure this SF thing is going to work :-(
I read the post "Not sure this SM thing is going to work", and that is how I feel - except that I married my DW. Have two SS, age 4 and 8, they live with BF and we have them on weekends. Every weekend they visit, we fight - Thursday and Friday before they arrive, and Sunday after they leave. They disrespect me - last week the 8 yo says "you're pretty fat for a 40 year old" - and DW says nothing. She is in school so I pay child support. We have fought over how to discipline them (I can't - not even timeouts), and now whether I need to start saving for college for them (no kids of my own).
How would you deal with this. I think that if I had some kind of support from my DW, I could make it. Like all of us, when we got together and got married, I had this 'Brady Bunch' notion that we would all be a happy family (curse that show for giving us false hopes!). But, like everyone else, I am ripe with disappointment and hurt.
I shouldn't have to put up with disrespect in my own house. I shouldn't have to work myself to death for child support for strangers. This isn't the life that I want. I would do it because I love my DW - but where is her support? Where is that love?
Right now I am considering moving out (even though I own the house) at least on weekends that they visit to eliminate the stress of the visit. Or should I change the locks and make them stay at a hotel?
My DW wants me to see a psychologist, but I can tell you why I am upset - I don't like being treated like garbage. No pill or session is going to change that. Maybe if I stay looped-up on ativan or valium, then it won't be so bad?
SM - I feel for you. My SS are 4 and 8, and the future looks horrible. Please help! Any advice or coping mechanism would be helpful to me. I am on call the next three days, and then I am expected to collect the monsters and bring them home (DW is at school).
First off, I have to say that
First off, I have to say that she is damn lucky to have a man that is willing to support her. IMO, she needs to put her wants/needs on hold to support her children and should not expect you to financially support her kids. With that being said, it is saint-like of you to offer to take over her responsibilities so that she can finish school. In a lot of situations she would be expected to raise her children and support them before finishing her education.
I dont understand people that dont want their spouses to be involved with the upbringing of their children so its hard for me to offer advice. I believe that, if you have children, you shouldnt get remarried unless you know that you have chosen a spouse that would be a good parental figure to your children. It's possible to disengage from her children but it isnt easy and not what most people want their lives to be like.
As far as the kids making nasty comments towards you, they need to respect you as an adult at the very least. She wouldnt allow the kids to talk to a teacher, pastor, etc. like that so she shouldnt stand for them treating you like that either. Can I ask why she has only weekend visitations? That may play into her actions?
Any guy who would pay CS for
Any guy who would pay CS for kids that aren't his to another guy is more than a saint in MY book. You would think she would be kissing your damn feet for the opportunity you have given her to further her education.