Who is this "friend" of his, she seems way to involved in your relationship and that would worry me. It also sounds like maybe you don't want to be a involved with someone with that much baggage right now. Your young and succesul you have things you want like a condo, maybe you should focus on that. If you are with him then you need to sit down with him and discuss your future, what you expect from eachother in this relationship. I think he may want something different then you. But I would talk ot him and also ask about what is with his "friend and why is she in on all your business.

Do what you want while it is still only your life. And do NOT feel guilty.

Wow....now this is all different.

You're able to purchase a condo on a lake front? You go girl!..that's great!!

But this paragraph is interesting......"His kids like me, I mean don't get me wrong but they definetely aren't calling me mom and they certainly don't take me seriously as a supposed stepmom. When I tell them to do something, his daughter gives me this look like I'm a joke."

She's 4 years old and already giving that look to someone who's like "an auntie"?? On boy....you don't want to know or see what that "look" turns to when she's 14. Because it'll probably be against the law to slap it. Trust me, it won't be pretty and you won't be happy.

And his lady friend?? What is that all about?

You sound very go lucky in life, you sound like you're heading in a great direction...you're enjoying life. You don't answer to these guys, they answer to you and can only pray that someone with you fun spirit and ability to make good money can be a part of their lives. They shouldn't be making you feel guilty.

And the 4 year old's "look".......not good at all!!

Pease please...print out what you've posted here, then buy/read the book STep Monster. Then take a deep breath and give this sitation some serious though.

Good luck...you sound like someone I'd hoped my brother would have married.

>>"BF is getting ticked with me and so is his female friend"<<

Why on earth does she have an opinion on what you do with your time? No no no, I would not be putting up with that mouth.

>>"Really?? Cause you're leaving those kids by themselves as a consequence."<<

I'm assuming the kids are with their dad, so they are not by themselves. Don't feel guilty, it's not worth your time.

>>"I'm going to a lounge this weekend for my gf's 30th birthday....I just said I was going to work extra hours on Sat night."<<

Please don't feel you have to tell lies in order to go out. If you're already lying in your "semi-dating/relationship", then it's time to step back and look at how you are changing yourself to fit their obnoxious opinion that you are selfish with your time.

It sounds like you have a lot going for you, so think very carefully how that will change (and it WILL change), if you continue with this relationship.

Everyone is right- you shouldn't feel guilty, this woman should mind her own business, etc. Let me also add, though, that as wonderful as this guy may be- he will ALWAYS have his kids and they are young. If he's like this now, imagine life as his wife. He will expect more out of you as his wife than if you were just a gf. Things may bot be serious now, but consider what things could be like if you did get serious with him. I just don't want to see you on this site in a year or so saying how 'in love' you are with this guy and 'things would be perfect without his kids', or you 'don't know if you are ready to play a motherly role, but you LOVE him' etc. (All phrases we've heard on here.) I'm tellingyou now, whatever issues you have now will only get biggest later- in any relationship. But it becomes more complicated when kids are involved. To me it seems like he expects morethan you are ready for right now (and that is ok!!! You don't have to be ready for that yet!!) and that maybe you should take a step back. Sounds like he is forcing you into somethig you aren't ready for and that you are at a crossroad- take a step forward or take a step back. My vote would be to take a step back and see what happens. If he doesn't like it then this isn't the relationship for you at this time. You sound goal oriented and level headed. His life seems complicated. Why enter a drama filled world when you can have a condo on the lake?

Same situation of a couple I know. Guy dated girl. He doesn't want to marry her, she marries another guy. Years later, after kids, they divorce.

Guy then drops by weekely for coffee with the old highschool sweetheart. Told her everything going on his life....girlfriends, family, business....everything. She helped him make decisions...no telling what else she helped him with. Then guy finds new girl in town, she's got an education, excellent money making job, never married, tall.....he marries her.

Guess what....old flame is still in the picture and doesn't matter what anyone things. Doesn't matter that it upsets the wife. The old flame is still there with her supportive shoulder...and whatever else.

Nice guy,huh? Unhappy marriage....yeah!

Do you really need this?

I wouldn't like anyone telling me not to eff it up. She's definately controling and it sounds like the two are in cahoots....weird.

Hope you unload this guy pretty soon...to to to weird!!

Please read Step Monster....please please please.

Would you feel comfortable just moving on? His relationship with "friend" sounds too weird. She needs to mind her own business. You can do whatever you want. Dont' let her or him make you feel guilty you did nothing wrong!

I'd tell her you aren't interested in what she has to say. You don't have to be friends with her. You keep going out and doing what you want. I'm telling you that its way better not to get too involved with the children quickly, if ever.

This sounds like a movie where the "friend" ends up with the guy.

Do what you want to do with your time. You are allowed to live your life however you please. They aren't your kids, their your boyfriend's kids. He has an obligation to them, but you? Not so much. His female friend seems a little over bearing and just plain nuts. You don't owe anyone anything, and the fact that you spend time with his kids and treat them well is enough.

Don't feel guilty for having a life. Enjoy it! You've earned your freedom. The best thing you can do for his kids, if you really want to be with him, is to take things slow and not jump into being a "stepmom" to them. I frequently enjoy outings by myself or even with my daughter when my SD is here and I don't feel guilty about it at all. If someone tried to give me a guilt trip about having a life, I'd tell them to shove it.

I had to add one thing because your post really got me. You seem so much like I used to be, independent and on top of your life. Don't change it. Please. You don't want to be me. Just keep your distance and have your life. Its ok and there is nothing wrong with it. If he can't handle it, that is his problem

Otherwise, you end up like me undoing being so involved and trying to detangle yourself. You're already not tangled, keep it that way.

I agree that you should brooch this conversation of your role in the kids lives now before its too late.

If you don't want to be a "mom" then don't let them guilt you into it. You can tell both your bf and his friend that your not in a mothering role, and would prefer to be kept as "the fun auntie"

Stop lying and enjoy your life. They're not your kids!

Good lord! Pretty sure this "friend" also wants you to gain a bunch of weight, get a "mom" haircut and start wearing pants with elastic waistbands! Tell the aspiring "Mrs. Duggar" to pound sand and dump this guy before you lose "you." They can find some other poor unsuspecting woman to chain to the stove!

RED FLAG ALERT!!!

He (and his partner in crime) want you to assume the standard stepmom doormat role which is:

1. Drop YOUR life to revolve around HIS and his spawn's
2. Be maid, nanny, laundress, cook, secretary, financial backer of entitlement sessions/CS to the BM and bed buddy (his way of course)
3. Have no say or authority over any of the above
4. Let the skids and biodad along with the BM walk all over you and disrespect you and/or treat you like personna non grata

RUN LIKE THE WIND GIRL!!

GET OUT NOW! You two are just dating and he wants you to "mommy" already! Oh no....I would walk away and NOT look back. I would just phase it out slowly and eventually just NOT show up! Run! Run! Run for the hills! You sound sooo much like me when I first started dating my DH.....Don't feel guilty for something that you are NOT doing wrong......you are not their "mommy" or even their "stepmommy". You go out and have fun and don't worry about his crazy friend or him for that matter......Tell him you'll call him when you're ready to give up everything in your life for his past baggage. I know this may seem a little harsh but seriously you have NOTHING to feel guilty about. Sounds like he needs to date mother Teresa to me!

Oh, hell no! He's already being weird about what you do and where you go......it will only get worse as the "relationship" progresses.