Mommy knows best?
Has anyone else noticed how many of these divorced grown men are momma's boys? It makes me wonder if this is a factor as to why they are all divorced. My man's mother is overbearing and overly involved in his life in every way imaginable and he is almost 40. I've also noticed he has no friends, none literally, only family he is close to who are also close to his mother. He has no money to accompany me on a vacation. I am going to the Carribean for a friends wedding. I invited him and told him Id love for him to come. He says he doesn't have the money so I am going to the wedding alone yet he has hundreds of dollars to spend on his mother for her anniversary party and he is going on a short trip with her that he paid for. He invited me along but Im having second thoughts. It is just a little weird. Maybe not?
He's too old to be doing
He's too old to be doing those things for his mom but nothing for you. It sounds like he puts no effort into the relationship but wants to please mommy. How old is his man? Nearly 40. Very strange behavior. He needs to cut the chord and start acitng like a husband. It's nice to do things for your mom but not when it comes at the price of ignoirng your wifes needs completely. Then it just becomes creepy.
Your boyfriend just doesn't
Your boyfriend just doesn't make you a priority - at all. He has the money, he just chooses to spend it on someone/something else.
My SO's mother isn't at all overbearing. Both of her sons have been divorced (as has she). She calls her sons once a week to check in (she lives several states away from both of them), but doesn't try to control them or involve herself in their lives. Most of the divorced guys I know don't have mommy problems. I've definitely read on here about some overbearing MILs, though, so I'm sure there are some divorced men out there who have been coddled and controlled by their mothers.
My DH has a SUPER overbearing
My DH has a SUPER overbearing mom... He got in a car accident, and sh elegit had SIL block my car in so she could go be with my DH, while I was stranded, literally pacing and cussing just about ready to run the 10 miles to the hospital. I didn't know anyone down here yet... So calling for a ride was SUPER out of the question... DH didn't see the issue with it until I started SPECIFICALLY spelling things out for him on it all. Frankly it made me mad at first, but I kind of realized something. His mom has ALWAYS wanted her control, and everyone has ALWAYS catered to her, to him it was just a habit... So he just sucked it up.
However, when I started pointing things out he started to realize, stood up for me, and guess what? All dear overbearing MIL got for mother's day was a card, same as my mom (we're SUPER strapped for cash, but still wanted them to know we thought of them). So he's finally getting it accross. He also gave her a lecture on how she needs to treat me like the daughter-in-law and drop all the ex s*** (something made easier by all the truth coming out about the ex and everyone finally drawing the lines that I thought were blaringly obvious).
Anyways, I did have to point it out, and you may have to as well. Even if it's just "I really wanted you to come to the Carribean with me, it's hard that I'm having to go alone and you're putting all your money everywhere else. I just really wanted you by my side." (Make sure to still show that it's just you wanting them there and wanting to be treated like his SO. If you go in with guns flaring it puts up defenses really quick and he's not going to listen).
Keep us updated please! You deserve to be a priority! Whether it's him figuring it out, or finding someone who will!!!
My mil has said some really
My mil has said some really offensive and passive aggressive things about my career choice. No one can live up to her standards for her little angel. Her little angel son is an debt and cannot manage his money. He was divorced with kids when we married and has extreme mood swings, anger and jealousy issues. His first wife left him and now I see why. I’ve also yet to see him go into work regularly and wonder if he’s capable. She is very arrogant, rude, full of sh@t and over bearing/ invasive.
I do not think over-bearing
I do not think over-bearing or abusive mothers are an excuse for weak men to use.
Do they not have a choice in how they live their own lives?
Blaming up bringing, mothers, or anything except them is wrong.
It is looking for an excuse for the behaviour you see.
What are you getting out this
What are you getting out this relationship? What are you hoping to get?
He isn’t a strong man who will be a partner to you. The best you can hope for is to replace Momma and really who wants that?
You are his booty call. Dump
You are his booty call. Dump him.
Momma's boy or not, he is
Momma's boy or not, he is just not into you.
Iamwoman is spot on. When you
Iamwoman is spot on. When you are with a momma's boy nothing you do is good enough. They are looking for their mother when they are looking for a wife or girlfriend. Nothing you do will ever be good enough, like mommy does it. Ever feel like you are dating someone with OCD? If you cook him or his kids dinner, it's never good enough. If you care for him or his kids when they are sick it's never good enough, even if they are rude and disrespectful to you. If you go on a nice date with him there will always be something you did wrong and he will see only the negative. Because he is secretly wanting you to be like his mommy. Yuck. These men (and their moms) are sick but they don't even realize it. Stay away. Do NOT marry this "man." I had a friend like this once who was living with her mom well into her late 30s. She moved out for college then moved back home and never left. I was shocked that the mother didn't encourage her more to move out but she liked it because they were weird together.