Maybe I am not cut out for this?
Forums:
I posted last week about it being BMs birthday and how I was not very happy with DH's choice to give her a bday present. Well, the day came and he did end up giving her something. Fine, I got over it. I just can't help but feel so insecure about her and I am not sure what to do to make that feeling go away? It is just time?
Any advice would be great....mostly I am having an off day and needed somewhere to vent a bit.
My DH would be checked into
My DH would be checked into the hospital...or the morgue!
****I can do bad all by myself****
That's exactly what I was
That's exactly what I was thinking when I started reading this post - nacho, I love how you think!!
Ok, I have to step back and
Ok, I have to step back and analyze this. I know that some people have an above average relationship with the BM/BF.
But I still think, no matter how great of a relationship you have, something giving her a present for her birthday is just wrong, and way too intimate.
I bought BM a birthday card for her birthday, and signed it from SD, myself, and DH. However, *I* bought it, not DH. I also feel that *if* something is to be given, it should come from the FAMILY and NOT just DH, and it should only be done *if* the current wife is comfortable with it.
My DH would NEVER do anything for BM. It was my choice to get her a card, and I think for him to buy her a gift for her birthday would be beyond weird. It would be a serious overstep.
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"If it sounds like I think I am better than you, it's because I do."
I didn't read your last post
I didn't read your last post but I think that DH giving BM a gift is a little much. I would be livid. How long have you been with DH? Im not trying to stir the pot but if you haven't been with him too long and he is still giving her gifts, this would be a red flag for me, I would feel that he still had feelings for her.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
I would be upset too....and
I would be upset too....and he has given her gifts...not from him per se...but he or his mom will buy a gift to give the BM, saying it's from their son. This has only happened for Xmas...and I've only been around for almost 2 years...so I'm not sure what he does (if it's the same thing that he did for xmas)for her bday. And yes, I hate it, I hate any interaction they have...although I know he will never get back with the psycho B*...I just hate that the Psycho is manipulative, always playing the victim, always mad...and my Bf starts pitying her...Most days I'm fine...but once in awhile my insecurities creep out.
Thanks for all the feedback.
Thanks for all the feedback. It helps to hear others perspectives and know that I am NOT crazy for feeling the way I do. I suppose the insecure feeling will fade away with time..I hope anyway! I am mostly upset because we did have a huge argument about this last night and it ended with me saying some not very nice things to DH. We avoided each other all morning and I have yet to hear from him today.
Did he get the gift as a
Did he get the gift as a gift from the kids, or did he get it as a gift from himself? If he didn't get it as a gift from the children then yea, there would be a serious problem...If it was to be from the children, and they were to young to actually purchase a gift then I think that I would just look at your DH as a kind carring BF and leave it at that. But once again....if it was a gift to be from him oh yea you bet your sweet bippy I would be one hot mama! And if his child/children were old enough to pick out a gift or had a job to get her a gift theirself then it should be their job to get one...not his. It is their Mom. Weird I tell ya...Weird!
I agree . . if he picked the
I agree . . if he picked the gift for the kids, it's one thing but if it's a gift from him . .unacceptable . .period.
A few years before DH and I got married, we were out having lunch and BM called and left him a happy b-day message. Now why did he have to tell me and ruin a perfect outing? It didn't help that he had a stupid grin on his face as if he were endeared by it. I set him straight, and I'm sure if she ever did it again, he certainly won't be dumb enough to mention it!
If my DH ever even thought
If my DH ever even thought about it, I'd go crazy. It is absolutely different if he is buying a gift for the kids to give to their mom but it is absolutely unacceptable for DH to be giving gifts to BM at all. Their relationship is over and it might be fantastic that they are on good enough terms to even think that way, butit is a slap in your face for him to do it. You should explain that it doesn't sit right with you and makes you feel uncomfortable. Perhaps he will see your perspective and maybe only verbally wish her a happy birthday, if they happen to speak that day - so as not to ruin any chance of continuing a good relationship with BM for kids sake.