This is just a vent really.... it will be long, so not looking for advice. If anything maybe just someone to confirm that I an NOT the insane one in this world, because I am really starting to feel like it must be me.

So given I have a so called government job, I was off from work the Wed prior to Thanksgiving until today. I was sooo looking forward to spending 5 days with my DH and our 11 month old son, his first Thanksgiving, his first time seeing Christmas lights, etc. And this is how my much anticipated time off started:

Before I am ready to leave work on Tuesday, MIL calls to ask me something. While we're talking she mentions that SS is there and she thinks I am supposed to take him home with me when I pick up my son (apparently this is what BM told her when she called and asked if SS could ride the bus there after school) WTF??? NOBODY said a word about it to me, I tried calling DH and no answer. So here's to the start of a craptabulous long holiday weekend. I am furious for two reasons. #1 Why can't my DH give me a heads up about what he has conspired with BM?? #2 DH doesn't answer my calls, but apparently was johnny on the spot when BM called. DH later tells me that he was hunting when BM called and asked if he could pick up SS from school in 20 minutes. He said no way could he get there in time so BM said she would see if MIL could watch him and supposedly she was to call DH back and let him know if he was supposed to pick SS up or not, but she never did so he said he wasn't going to call me and be like "Maybe SS is going to be at MILs" Ok, so I understand this, I just really hate them all at this point.

So SS ends up (other than leaving for about 4 or 5 hours on Thanksgiving day to go with BM) being with us the whole frigging time until about noon on Sunday. Thanks everyone for ruining my vacation. Oh wait, I forgot I am supposed to be joyous that we get to spend time with SS which consists of him lounging his lazy ass on the couch, eating every scrap of food that we have in the house especially if it is ice cream, chips or anything bad for you, never showering (unless told to) never brushing his teeth (unless told to) dirtying every dish he can find, but never offering to lift a finger to help do the dishes. Now here is where I could strangle my DH:

#1. I am in the kitchen and there is a bag of licorice on top of the fridge. The bag is EMPTY. I show it to DH, he says "oh, did SS eat all of it.. haha" I say "that's not the point... the point is he left the empty bag, he couldn't throw it away??" DH says "he is 11.5 he don't think about things like that" WTF I could have punched him in the throat right then and there. I said "exactly he is 11 NOT 4".. Jeepers H Christmas!

#2. DH walks around the house the whole time SS11 is there picking up after him.. (because I refuse) I swear to God the kid does NOTHING besides eat and lounge around! If he has a water bottle and he drinks all of the water, the empty bottle sits on the coffee table until DH throws it out. SS makes himself scrambled eggs every morning for breakfast, but can't be bothered to clean up his dishes. Of course DH uses the "he's 11" excuse. Sorry but if he is old enough to make his own breakfast, he is certainly old enough to clean up HIS mess. SS paws through his drawers when looking for clothes and everything that I just folded from the laundry is now in a ball. So now when I take his clothes out of the dryer, I just throw them on top of the mess.. hey easier for me.. no folding! Eventually DH comes along and folds everything nicely and says "poor SS, his dresser is too small, I need to get him a new one" WTF??

I swear by Saturday I was in the biggest depression I have ever been in in my entire life. I kid you not, if it was not for my 11 month old, I seriously was contemplating swallowing a bottle of pills and just going to sleep and not ever having to deal with all of this stupid step crap for one more minute. I guess the things that I bitch about are not so bad in the scheme of things, but for my personality they are. I am not a fly by the seat of my pants person, I am a planner, I hate that SS just shows up whenever he feels the need or BM needs a baby sitter and MY world gets turned upside down. I am certainly not an neat freak, but I am NOT THE MAID, I have enough to do!

I think I need to go back to counseling as I feel like I can't tell DH any of this, because he just gets mad and thinks I am being a brat... and maybe I am...maybe I am being the selfish one? I just don't know anymore... I know that I can't continue like this.. it's not fair to my infant son to have to see me cry on a daily basis, I know that babies can pick up on moods. I am just hoping and praying that Christmas will be better.... not going to hold my breath though.