Is it wrong that I dont want to move in with or marry my boyfriend?
He has had times where hes gotten angry with me and turned on me in front of his kids and told me angrily "if I didnt like such and such" I could leave. This has happened when Ive called out his sons behavior, lying etc. He also doesnt seem to care that his place is nowhere near where I work and it would be a much longer commute for me. However he is not willing to budge and buy a house together and wants me to sell my place and move in with him. This doesnt seem fair to me and I also feel if we disagree with parenitng or have an argument he will yell at me and suggest I leave in front of his kids again then I will have nowhere to go. Ive explained my concerns and he gets mad and says "Why are we moving backwards and not forward in our relaitonship" He doesnt get how I feel and my lack of security with him. Am I over reacting to feel this way and should I trust him mroe and throw caution ot the wind even thought we have had some bad fights where I did not want to be aorund him nor his kids?
.
No you are not over reacting . If he really wants to make this relationship work, he must work on it.
not his way or the Highway attitude. You should but a house together in a location that is ok with both.
note: job thing is important now, but people changed jobs, company move company’s go under and close.
He has to give up something and you have to get on the same page white his DS and your SS
Don't move
Not only should you not move in with him, but you should dump him. This is the one who keeps pressuring you to finance his choices, correct?
Yes, he is, beebeel.
Yes, he is, beebeel.
https://www.steptalk.org/forum/general-discussion/so-hinting-needing-fin...
Yes. He has multiple times
Yes. He has multiple times hinted that most "normal" couples would have married or be living together by now and that most "normal" couple share finances. I've never felt we should combine our finances for the reasons that 1.he has two children from a preivous marriage that are not my financail responsiblity whose other parent is still living, working, and healthy. and 2. he has a lot of debt and although he makes good money he spends 3 times what I do easily on a regular basis. Im a saver, he's a spender. He has a lot of debt.
A big part of the problem is
A big part of the problem is his mother who always hints that we should share finances and should be married by now and I should love his kids as my own (even thought they are not my kids and are rude ot me a lot of the time), etc. He is very close to his mother for a man his age and she is very involved in his life, almost too much so.
No, it is not wrong and you
No, it is not wrong and you are not overreacting. He is showing you who he is. Relationships are all about compromise and it sounds like he expects YOU to compromise to HIS wants.
How many times has he gotten angry and told you to leave? That is not something I'd be willing to put up with on a regular basis.
F*** normal. Normal is dumb.
F*** normal. Normal is dumb. Who is your boyfriend to say what is and is not normal? Any relationship that is forced and that someon eis pressured into moving too fast is destined to fail. So stick to your guns and don't give in until YOU are ready.
If we're being honest he sounds like a f***ing brat and you shouldn't be dealing with his s***. Compromise comes from two sides. It took DH and I a while to hash that out, but I can tell you with 100% if both of us weren't giving then we wouldn't still be married.
Also you won't love the kids as your own. You can NATURALLY DEVELOP love for them. But they're not yours and that can't be forced or expected by anyone. That's not fair to YOU or in reality to the skids either.
Do not move in with this man!
Do not move in with this man! Early in my marriage my DH bowed up and yelled at me in front of his nasty lying teenagers and asked me if I was calling his kids lyers. That happened one time, I could not look at him or his kids for a week. They were teenagers, that's what teenagers Do! He undermined all my authority in my home and tried to play papa bear at my expense. Believe me, it never happened again. Or I would be divorced.
Please tread very carefully here. Only move where you are cherished and put in the number one position in the home.
Marriage is overrated
It really is. I put too much work into my life so I will be financially stable now and when I retire. I'll be damned if anyone, other than my kids, are going to try and touch any of it when I'm gone. I have made stipulations for DSO if something would happen to me. Many of our vehicles and toys are in both our names so he won't be destitute, but no way will his lazy kids or his ex by proxy of his kids, ever touch anything of mine.