I sthis even legal!?!?! What am I supposed to do!?
We have to pick him up on friday and drop him off on sundays well my fiance works on a fishing boat so sometimes he dosnt come home untill sat, if he gets home on a sat and tries to pick him up BM tells him to bad, so if he wants to see him sometimes I have to pick him up on fridays, well im a assistant chef so I dont get out of work untill anywhere between 11:30-and 12am AND BM calls me all the time telling me that i need to get out work early to pick up HER child at a decent time. (IM SORRY I NEED TO MAKE A LIVING TOO!!) I tried to explain to her that I cant just up and leave work whenever she wants me to and her reply was "What like your job is so hard that you cant leave for a few hours to pick him up" *Where I work is about an hour one way from her house* So I asked her what I was supposed to do with him after I pick him up I cant bring him to work with me into a resturant kitchen!! and her reply was "Well thats something you need to figure out then" One time she acctually had the nerve to drop hm off at my fiance I's place dosnt bother to acctually see if we are home drops him and his car seat off and drives off *he is 8* I had to work so I brought him with me and sat him at the bar which is the only place that I can see him at all times from the kitchen window. I had to be back at work at 6am the next day (sat) so i brought him back to work with me and sat him at the bar, made sure he was feed and entertained and then my fiance came and picked him up when he got home, well BM got whind of this and had the nerve to bitch me out for sitting her son at a bar! *What was I supoosed to do*???
Child abandonment?
In my opinion she has a right to live her life also and that means there needs to be some stability in his visitation so she can make plans for her weekends.
I would suggest that the two of them agree that the boy will stay with his Dad on Sundays, say Saturday PM to Sunday PM. If she agrees get it in writing and if she doesn't petition the court for a change in the visitation order. After all the point of visitation is to spend time with Dad not with you or a bartender.
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There's an exception to everything I say.
We have tried that she says
She says that if he isnt going to pick him up on friday then he isnt going to have him at all.
Unreal....
That woman is using no logic, other than to try to make your lives difficult...that's the only reason she would NOT allow your DH to have him on a Sat. instead of an Fri. I agree that a change to the visitation is in order. That's going to be the only way to deal with this ridiculous BM.
DH tells her when he is going to be
DH tells her when he is going to be gone and even even gives her a paper with all of the dates when he will be gone gone when he will be back, at the begining of every month so it's not a last minute thing for her, A lot of the time she just tells DH "dont worry about I can figure something out" BM dosnt work she had a new baby in May and now is a "full time mom" as she calls it.
alot of the time she tells him not to worry but
but then 98% of the time she pulls the whole friday night thing or drops him off friday morning and tells me "to figure something out" I cant get ahold of DH while he is on the boat, sometimes I bring him to my mothers house, but BM says that my mother shouldnt have to watch a child that isnt hers and im putting my mother in a bad spot, but she wont do anything to help the situation out, when BM is in fact AT HOME.
sounds like BM is using your SS
It sounds like BM is using her own son to control your lives. That is just horrible that she dropped him off and left. What would have happened if someone wasn't home? I think in any state that would get her in trouble. And if she insists on him being with you and your DH on Fridays and at a minutes notice then she has no right to complain that you had him at work with you...sounds like you were just figuring it out as she tells you to do. I agree though that you guys should get the courts involved and get your visitation revised.
That remark about your mom was off base
What does she actually want? She is putting you into a catch-22 position. Because "it" says you have him Friday, you should stay home from work and watch him? But it sounds like it's inconsistent. I'd do every Friday (at the same time) or none, and if you need to, arrange for child care, either at your home or somewhere else. That's what she would do if she was working. And would she ask your opinion?
To me she is setting you up to "fail."
Arranging child care.
She dosnt want people she dosnt know to watch her son, and FH and I cant afford for me not to work, just to watch his child. what I cant understand is why she cant just keep him on the friday nights that FH is gone and im working. She is a full time stay at home mom, whats wrong with just keeping your own child for one night, it seems like she is just trying to get rid of her BS. Fh cant control when he comes in from the boat, he is working two jobs just to keep up with the amount of child support he pays now. We have been talking about just taking out a loan for the IVF but not sure if we can afford to do it with the way things are going now.
Well she can't have it both ways
DH is working. You are working. She wants you to take him. BUT!! No strangers. Well, tough tittie lady, you and DH are entitled to get a babysitter. And she has no say.
I would have DH lay this all out in writing and then if need be, take it back to court. She is just, 100%, creating an impossible situation for you. And if he earns less, he could and should be paying less for CS. That is always a good threat...."Court won't benefit you, you know..."
In the meantime, document this BS!! Especially the threats that DH can't have it him at all if he doesn't take him when SHE says.
I guess she has nothing better to do than sit around and think up ways to make your life difficult.
Mediation
Just cut to the chase what your DH and BM need to do is go to mediation.
The mediator will put the BM in place and help the two of them come up with a workable visitation schedule.
I under no circumstance would accept another call from BM. You are a step parent not the bio parent you do not need to endanger your job for her convenience.
Enjoy your step son when you have him, but dont take the abuse from the BM.
Try a Drop Off Day Care.
I don't know if there is one in your area but Google Kids Space to see if there is a franchise in your area. We used to use Kid Space as a transfer point for our Son (my SS) when my wife was in Night School and I was in Grad School. She would drop him off at Kid Space on her way to class and I would pick him up a half an hour later on my way home from work. He and I would get Kid/Dad time for a couple of hours then he would go down in front of a Disney Movie while I worked on school (I did my MBA on-line).
Try a Drop-Off-Daycare if one is available. That may help you get a system defined for accommodating BM's picky time requirements and your's and DH's job schedule requirements in your blended family situation.
As I recall the cost was ~$5-$7 per hour for Kid's Space.
Good luck and best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)