I need some advice

Forums:

DH got an appointment with a therapist for tomorrow afternoon. He did not tell SS about it yet but he did discuss with BM first.

SS texted DH last night saying that he needed to be dropped back in SS’s town to go to a friend’s birthday party. Of course, the party is tomorrow afternoon as well.

DH replied that he’ll see. SS then replied saying he already told his friend he was coming and that DH told him he would take SS back for anything so he better do it. He actually said "You better do it."

DH didn’t reply yet. He is not sure what to do. He knows going to the therapist is more important. But even the therapist said that SS needs to come to her willingly. SS already said no to therapy. Now making him miss the party to see a therapist just seems like it will make it worse.

The next available appointment with the therapist on a weekend is in almost a month's time. We would also lose 25 dollars but that's not a big problem.

DH was thinking maybe he should schedule with another therapist in SS's town on a weekday and he would drive down for that. But we heard really good things about the therapist in our town.

What do you ladies think?

I too feel like that is the

I too feel like that is the best idea.

Unfortunately his behavior is

Unfortunately his behavior is affecting my kids and I. I wish it wasn't though.

I know. DH replied back

I know. DH replied back saying that he does not get to talk to him that way. But there was no response.

DH is just so guilty over the whole thing he is letting it cloud his parenting skills. He used to be excellent with discipline before all this.

...simply...That won't work

...simply...That won't work for me...I already have another commitment. (it is none of ss's business what the commitment is)...just say "no".

Why is that so hard for parents?

DH is on his way here with

DH is on his way here with SS. I can't say I am looking forward to it. He said that if SS keeps up his attitude then he won't be going to the party. Let's see how it goes. I wouldn't put it past DH to cave and take SS anyway.

He has looked at a few therapists in SS's town and narrowed on down. I hope this weekend goes better than the last.

Dad got himself into the

Dad got himself into the kid's attitude last weekend. Dad told kid Dad would drive kid back. No conditions. I would think Dad should have set some conditions when telling kid.

Something along the lines of advanced notice, no other plans already made, behavior warranting the privilege (yes, privilege) blah blah.

Kid was told Dad would take kid ask for parties out of pure frustration to get the kid to STFU last weekend. Well now kid put it up for test, snotty 'tude and all.

If Dad instead tries taking kid to an already refused therapy session, all h*ll will break out. Short of dragging/half carrying a screaming kicking 13year old bundle of pure defiant rage thru the therapist's door, that kid won't enter. Especially after telling kid Dad isn't doing the party promise.

I do like the idea of Dad doing some sessions by himself to start. I think it would help DH. He's so frustrated and scared of losing/upsetting his son even more that he's lost all ability to actually parent the little tyrant.

At 13 yrs old here are his

At 13 yrs old here are his choices: either he stays with BM for the weekend and chooses the party over spending time with dad, or he spends the weekend with dad and goes to the appointment that dad made for the both of them. DH needs to be the parent, lay down the rules and stick to them. So what that he said he'd bring him back anytime, no conditions. Things change, the kid needs to realize that dad is not the on call, at his bidding, back and forth chauffeur.

The kid may get mad? *Gasp!* Who the h#ll cares?! And why would DH discuss family therapy with BM first? It is none of her damn business. About counselors, I would choose whatever one was the best for your situation. Just because there is one in ss's town does not mean they'll be equipped for your situation. I've had marriage/family and individual counseling and no therapist is alike. Some are helpful while others were downright destructive. Choose wisely.

I agree that the kid is never

I agree that the kid is never going to want to go to therapy. Just like men never want to go to marriage counseling or relationship seminars with their wives. If there are issues that dad cannot handle then he needs outside help. I had to drag dd16 to therapy, family and personal, for all issues I went through with her. She would see the therapist alone and rant on and on about how I was ruining her life, I'd see the therapist, then we would meet. After a few sessions she enjoyed going because she had a confidant. We would always go out for ice cream after the sessions and just have fun. In our case "forced counseling" worked. I was the parent, I made the final decision and the entire family benefited because of it.

Dad should not have had this

Dad should not have had this conversation in the manner he did if what he really meant is 'kid, two choices, stay at BM's and go to party or come with me instead'.

" He told DH that it wasn’t fair that he has to miss out on stuff with his friends but DS and DD don’t. DH told SS that he would drive him back for any parties but SS said he doesn’t want to waste his weekends driving. DH got frustrated and asked SS what he wanted then. SS didn’t give any answer."

Dad has to be the grown-up. Yes, adults know things change, things come up, plans get altered. They also then also know to not make foolish blanket promises.