My hubby has recently thrown a situation at me that I can't stop saying no to.

Here it is:

SD12 isn't getting along well with her stepdad. To be honest..I think he can be a real jerk to her at times. For the most part she's a pretty good kid, yet has her daddies smart mouth. Of course Daddy blames it on his ex..but as I told him tonight.."Na uh..she is her Father's daughter through and through.." as at times, he just doesn't quit with his mouth. It's a good thing I can let things roll off my back and have learned to stay away from him when he's in one of his moods or our marriage would have been over a lonnng time ago.

He has recently asked me to take his daughter for a month this Summer. Normally I wouldn't have a problem with it but I am now working part time at an animal shelter. LOVE my job as I LOVE working with animals and the people I come across day in and day out. My hours don't start until noon and there are some days I work until 5, others I work until 7..and then I may be scheduled to work on Saturdays and Sundays where I would work noon til 5 on Saturdays and noon til 4 on Sundays.

This month long thing is supposed to be a possible prerequisite to her staying with us permanently. She is having a hard time at her current school, as kids are picking on her about her allergies. We never know when she's going to break out from something, but if you ask me, I think it's all stress related as again, she's having problems getting along with her stepdad also.

What do I know though..I'm just the stepmom.

She texted me a few nights ago and asked me if I would mind if she homeschooled here. She wanted to "bounce" it off me and not tell her dad, yet later it came out that she had already talked to her dad about it, he'd said yes to it..and that she just had to check with me. I told her that I needed to talk to her dad first and her reply was, "Well if you want to talk to him, you must have a problem with it.." I told her that neither her dad or I made decisions without talking to each other first. Later on, hubby told me that he'd told her the same, that he needed to discuss it with me first. She was playing both ends against the middle.

Hmmm...

She texted me again last night and asked why I didn't have a direct answer for her, and why did I have to talk to her dad first?? She told me that I MUST have a problem with it if I had to talk to him first.

Good Lord..talk about manipulation!!

First of all I know NOTHING about homeschooling a child, and second of all..homeschooling is a full time job. There are certain stipulations that a child must meet, certain hours they have to put in, field trips that are required, etc. Even if I weren't working, I don't think I'd want to jump into that one as a stepmom as if I messed up..I'd be certain to hear about it.

Talked to hubby this morning and he told me she'd get over it and it was just a phase. Then tonight he asked me if it would be possible for her to stay here with me for a month this Summer..to see if her and I could get along, and to see if it would work out her staying with us..permanently.

Or rather, with ME as my hubby works 2000 miles away for the railroad and would not be here to help me out with her.

Again, "Na uh.." Although working part time, I work strange hours and could not expect a 12 year old to sit here all day and wait for me to finish working. Again, my job is NOT a "nine to fiver" Monday through Friday as it may require (and often does) weekend hours where I would be working from noon until late afternoon.

If my hours were 8 til noon or something like that, it would be different, but noon til 4 and 5..how the heck can I expect a 12 year old to sit here and entertain herself all that time??

In addition, without my hubby being here, I've created my own life and learned to entertain myself. I've made new friends, joined a gym, and for once in my life, I'm very happy!!

My hubby has told me that his daughter needs to learn to be more independent and that, she may last a week and want to go home. Whatever. I am NOT going to put a 12 year old through even one week of sitting around waiting and waiting for me, bored out of her mind, and then end up going home with a chip on her shoulder towards me saying, "She said I could come and stay with her and then she's never there. All she did was work.."

In addition, I told my hubby that I was not willing to give up the little social life I'd developed, going to the Y to work out, hanging with the friends I made at water aerobics, etc. I've made a friend that loves to have me out for bonfires on Saturday nights just to chat, her and I go for walks out on her beautiful land with our dogs, we go antiquing together..meet for water aerobics, etc. and I don't feel like I should have to give that up.

My hubby has told me, "Of course you shouldn't have to give that up..she'll be bored in a week and want to go home...but she needs to learn some kind of independence. Maybe she'll learn that staying with you??"

Yeah..staying with me..all alone..all day long. Yeah..that should work while she develops an attitude towards me.."All she ever did was work..she never took me shopping or swimming or anything..why did she ever ask me to come there??"

I can just hear it!!

In addition, a few weeks ago my hubby blew a gasket over our stupid health insurance flex card. SD is supposed to go through some type of hypnosis thing for her allergies...something that's supposed to make her think deep in her mind that she no longer has allergies. Insurance is NOT going to cover this so I have a hard time thinking that they can just throw it on the flex card. Maybe they'll be able to, but that wasn't the point. It was sending them the only flex benfits card we had..thus..just leaving ME high and dry should something happen to ME if I needed to make a down payment for my own health care.

Hubby told me that it wasn't about me and that he wasn't concerned about my stupid $20 copays. I tried to explain to him that I wasn't worried about those either, but if something serious happened to me..I may need it.

First of all, he told me how selfish I was being, and hung up on me. Few days later I received a text from him that basically said, "If you and I are to ever talk again, you need to realize that you will NEVER come before my kids..my parents don't come before my kids..even I don't come before my kids and don't you EVER think that you will come before them as I will leave you faster than you can even imagine!!"

It wasn't even worth a reply as I have ALWAYS put everyone before myself, and he KNOWS that. This again was one of his many temper tantrums and I steered clear of him for yet another two days even though he sent me a few texts telling me that he loved me, etc.

Nobody should treat their wife like that nor speak to them like that..EVER!!

When we finally spoke, he told me again how selfish I had been, that the flex insurance card was HISTORY..and that I should NEVER tell him how to raise his children..they were HIS kids..etc.

Mind you..I have NEVER told him how to raise his kids and have never questioned him on his lack of discipline, etc. In the meantime, rather I have tried to teach his daughter to rise above the stupid teasing. I've told her that mean kids are going to tease you whether you have big feet or freckles. Kids are kids and there are always going to be mean ones. I told her that she should just reply, "I can't help that I have allergies..but you sure can help your bad breath as you really should get some help with that.." as she reaches into her pocket and hands them a breath mint.

I told him he should spend a day with her and I. I encourage her to make her own decisions regarding the clothes I buy her, to create her own style, and to be the wonderful, beautiful person she is. It's the rest of the world that picks on her that's ugly..not her. In addition, I've always told her that nobody can MAKE her do anything..EVER and that it was cool to make smart decisions.

Well at that point, he told me I was still beyond selfish..he loved the way I was with her..but nobody tells him how to raise his daughter!!

Okie dokie.

Now all of a sudden he has switched gears and wants me to "fix" his daughter this Summer, as she needs to learn some kind of independence, etc.

What a complete joke!! For the longest time he was one that didn't want his daughter to grow up. Every time we have the kids, she comes walking into our bedroom in the middle of the night, "Daaady..I can't sleep, could you come and sit with me for a bit??" This happens every single night we have her and her brother, and of course, Daddy gets up and sits with her.

With that, Daddy works 2000 miles away from us, not only for the insurance, but when he first took the job he told me, "It's what I do and you're just going to have to deal with it.."

And deal with it I have. In the process I've made a life of my own, found a job I love, and made new friends. I spend time with the kids whenever possible..

But I am not their mother..but rather the "sidekick" stepmom. He has told me, "The kids don't need another mom..but a friend as they already HAVE a mom that yells at them all the time.."

I hate to say this but sometimes you HAVE to yell at your kids to get a point across. Although she's his ex, she does her best I think as the kids always come well behaved. I have absolutely NO animosity towards her at all anymore. I think we've all grown to get along as a family. Just this past Mother's Day, she bought for me from the kids a candle, flowers, and a very nice card. In addition, my SS15 bought me a nice candle all on his own, which made me more than happy also. My hubby called me and wished me a Happy Mother's Day, but did absolutely NOTHING else.

He never does anymore.

So now all of a sudden I'm supposed to play, "Mom" this Summer and teach his daughter independence??

I told him no, explained why..and now he can just deal with it.

I'm such a horrible wife, horrible stepmom, etc.

Somehow I don't feel guilty.

What are your opinions??