I am considering moving 4 hours away and would appreciate advice from SM's.
An opportunity to purchase a business has come up and I think I would really enjoy it. I have had these types of businesses before and been quite successful. SO has been applying for jobs at the mines which would mean he was away for 4 weeks, then back for 1. He doesn't have that job yet so I am only marginally taking that into account.
If we move 4 hours away we will then be 5 hours from his children. I can see many benefits to this, it would no longer mean that BM2 (mother of SS12 and SD8) could use my house as the babysitting service, there is currently no specific plan in place, we have the kids what my SO says is EOWE but I am about to have them 3rd weekend in a row. One of his kids SS12 is a downright asshole and I can't stand it when he's here, we have had heaps of issues over the years with his bad behaviour, but I am resigned to his presence and am patiently waiting for him to go to some juvenile facility, when he gets caught being the asshole he is - he recently got suspended from school for groping a girl, and the time before that was for scratching the teachers cars with rocks. An asshole, all the inlaws think it's my fault him and I don't get along, constantly talking to the BM about how mean I am - I am not at all. I don't talk to the inlaws as a result of there thinking I am mean to SS12 and their justifying his behaviour, and their new buddy relationship with BM.
I am thinking the distance from all of them would be great. And I would love running this business.
If my SO gets a job on the mines, his kids, family, exes will no longer be a problem. There won't be any contact with any of them except for once every 5 weeks. I think I could live with that. The problem I forsee, if he does not get that job, he will be working in the town I will be running my business, and living with me fulltime and probably try to get his kids for entire school holiday blocks instead of the EOWE or thereabouts schedule, EOWE would be too hard with 10 hour drive there and back and skids have sport on weekends close to where they live with their mothers.
So that's my question, to all the SM's out there, what's worse, having them come regularly for 2 days at a time, or not seeing them for a couple of months and then having the skids stay for weeks at a time. I am wondering if I may be thinking about taking on this business far away to remove myself from the skid bm and inlaw drama, but in the end the result could be that I made them worse.
I am a little confused. If
I am a little confused.
If he's away for four weeks at a time, does that mean YOU only see him for that one week too? If so, would you be sharing that one week with the kids? And if so, do you think that would work?
Yes, if he got the job he has
Yes, if he got the job he has been applying for he would be away from me for 4 weeks and only see me 1 week in 5. At the moment with all the skids inlaws and bm drama the idea of him being away at a mine for that long honestly doesn't bother me, then I won't have to deal with the other crap. If it isn't school holidays I would imagine he would want to spend 2 of those 7 days with his children. The money at the mines here in Aus is crazy good. He has been wanting to do this for a while now and thinks if he devotes 5 years he could set himself up for life. I support him in this.
But if he does not get the job, and works locally, then he would still be living with me fulltime and getting the kids on the different terms - not EOWE.
Wow, him getting or not
Wow, him getting or not getting that job will make a lot of difference. I don't have a clue how to advise you except go with your gut and do what you want to do for you and don't let the kids and their BM make your decision for you. If you want this business, just do it (and hope he gets the mine job!).
Probably, on a day to day basis, being farther away from them is probably best, even though you might have to put up with them for days at a time instead of EOWE.
I was thinking distance MUST
I was thinking distance MUST be a good thing, whether he gets the job or not.
I would be leaning that way,
I would be leaning that way, also.
That is what I was looking
That is what I was looking for, thanks.
Most states or counties have
Most states or counties have a long distance visitation guideline. In our case if the BioParents lived more than 200 miles from each it a long distance visitation plan surplanted the standard EOWE/alternating holiday plan. We never lived nearer than 1200 miles from the SpermIdiot so for all of the first year of his life SS had a long distance visitation schedule with the SpermClan.
Our CO defined a workable schedule for SS to visit the SpermClan. He had 3 visits per year. 5Wks Summer, 1WK+/- Winter and 1Wk+ SpringBreak. Winter alternated depending on even or odd years. In even years visitation was from the day school was out until Dec 24. Odd years it was from Dec 26 until the day before school started. So, most even years it was only for a few days if they took it at all and for odd years it was ~7-10 days. Spring break was usually two weekends with the weekdays between.
If they were being reasonable and cooperative with us we would give them extra time if they asked for it and if it would fit our schedule and plans. If they were being shitty they got only what the CO stipulated in exactly the format the CO stipulated. The primary example of this was Spring Break. The school calendar clearly listed the days of Spring Break. It also had a day or two of "Teacher In Service Days" just prior to and just following the actual Spring Break days on the calendar. If they were being reasonable we would give the the inservice days if they were being shitty we would not give them those days.
Our initial CO gave my DW every December 25th because that is generally what OR does for children born out of wedlock to single teen moms. That and the SpermClan does not celebrate Christmas due to religious reasons. They tried to get Dec 25th set to alternating several years later as the three younger also out-of-wedlock SpermIdiot spawn by two more baby mammas arrived but the Judge ingnored their request.
For the most part it was 7 weeks per year.
Check the supplemental rules for the county where the CO is in force and see what long distance visitation stipulations are in play in your situation. If it looks acceptable to you and your DH than he can file for an ammendment to the CO.
The beauty of being the NCP household is that you are not required to actually take the Skids even when their is a CO'd visitation schedule. So, if DH does not like the CO'd visitation schedule or it does not align well with his work schedule he can just take his days that do work.
Good luck with the visitation thing and with the new business.
No doubt you are right. If
No doubt you are right. If .... both parents are capable of acting as rational adults. If not .... then I actually think it is healthier for the child(ren) for the parents to live far, far apart and for the kid to have dedicated time with each parent with minimal interferance from the other parent.