how do you handle jealousy between sd10 and bd2?
Ok SD10 just got here for the weekend and already she's jealous because she sees BD2 got a new toy during the week. I cant stand that she has to count everything BD2 has!!!! If my BD2 falls down sd10 gets mad when DH gives comfort to the baby. She always makes comments like "everyone only cares for the baby, I'm pretty much invisible here!" Which by the way, we go over and above to make sd10 happy when she comes EOW. DH dedicates time to her only - they go to the movies or lunch at a special place (just the two of them). We also do things as a family too, it cant be all about her ALL the time, but she doesn't get that!!! This child literally counts how many christmas/birthday gifts she gets compared to the baby. She raises hell if she finds out BD2 got more than she did. umm - she's a BABY! the gifts are completely different at this age! SD10 got a Wii for her birthday and was mad because the baby got five more gifts than her on her birthday. Huh?? I told her we can give the Wii back to the store and give her the five gifts the baby got. She didn't like that one bit,LOL but she still huffed and puffed. How does everyone handle the jealousy?
Maybe she's jealous that
BD2 gets to live with her Dad, but she doesn't?
About the gifts, I think that's a sibling thing. I know that whenever I felt my stepsisters and stepbrothers got more than me, I was upset too and said as much to my mom and stepdad. However, as I got older, I realized that it was because they were younger. I think that this is one you need to let SD realize with time.
Is BM saying stuff to SD like, "your Dad loves BD2 more than you," "your Dad no longer needs you now that he has reeny and BD2," or "you're not a part of your dad's family anymore, he has BD2 so he doesn't care about you anymore?" That could be why she's acting out.
Maybe you could specifically address this to SD
Like Anon said above, maybe you can say to SD: if anyone is telling you there is not enough love, gifts, etc. to go around, they are VERY mistaken. Quit being rude! Did you notice, you are a BIG SISTER now, and BD needs you?!! Can you help me teach her things?
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Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.
William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2I would sit SD down and
I would sit SD down and explain to her that while she gets two households that give her gifts and celebrate holidays with BD2 only has one house. Try to get her to feel like she has it better and she should really try to feel sorry for BD2 since she only gets one set of gifts. I know its manipulation but it works.
thanks for the advice.
it's true -- BM does tell her that her dad has a new family now and that he doesn't have time for her. So we have to unbrainwash her when we get her!
All kids compete
doesn't make it any easier and I know as steppies we feel the competition is even more aggravating when its the SD and the BD but my bio-brother and I were constantly monitoring the number and quality of gifts, etc.
My SD10 does this with BD5. I just point out to her all of the special things/time she gets and that everything can not be equal all the time but that things have a way of equaling out in the end.