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how do I politely tell inlaws to STFU about SD and BM?

ocs's picture

OMG- please help me....

I love my inlaws. They are wonderful people and for the most part, DH's family is great.

My MIL has asked me, "How do you do it?" and has said, "I feel so bad for you." because skid situation is brutal!

BUT! Even if we spend time with each other skid free, the conversation inevitably goes to BM and her craziness and how MIL is sad that she never sees SD, and omg, the hand wringing about SD and how she lives etc.. etc..

Dh does try to steer the conversation, but sometimes it happens. It immediately put me in a mood.

I usually just leave the conversation, physically get up and leave the room, but no one seems to get it. I can't ask her not to ask questions to her son about her grand daughter's well being, so I just leave the conversation...Anyone have any coping mechanisms?

askYOURdad's picture

There isn't much you can really do regarding the IL bringing up SD other than leave the conversation or change the subject.

As far as BM, you don't have to sit there and listen to your family discuss DH's previous life.

jumanji's picture

I always told my parents to just stop. Didn't want to hear it. Why can't your husband do so?

ocs's picture

I can ask to no longer have conversations that include BM- for sure.

I'm not asking them to not talk about SD. It's his kid. See what I mean?

ocs's picture

I think I may say something to that effect next time it comes up.

I do think they think its ok because they hate her too- she's a complete bitch. It's almost like they are declaring solidarity with me against her. But, she does already occupy too much space in my head. I need to have BM free conversations... I'd love SD free ones too...LOL

I'm the first wife. BM was an 11 month on and off type of thing 14 yrs ago, incredibly high conflict and batshit dependent on a 13yr old for emotional support.

There are many times he does shut them down, but sometimes the need to commiserate with them takes over. It seems to be cyclical- maybe this past week was just extreme.

For me its also, I don't want to talk about skid when she is not with us. To say that would be hurtful to my DH and I can appreciate that his folks have questions and/or concerns about her and her well-being.

step off already's picture

MIL Loves to gossip and will ask what BM is up to and what garbage story we have to share with her. Depending on my mood, i will often indulge her and fill her in on the latest gossip or DH will ask me to tell his mom "the story".

I oblige.

then I will always say, "well, let's not talk about her anymore. she makes us all so upset" and then change the subject.

step off already's picture

MIL Loves to gossip and will ask what BM is up to and what garbage story we have to share with her. Depending on my mood, i will often indulge her and fill her in on the latest gossip or DH will ask me to tell his mom "the story".

I oblige.

then I will always say, "well, let's not talk about her anymore. she makes us all so upset" and then change the subject.