I believe that "what goes around, comes around". Keep your dignity, be better than her in your behaviour, and I am sure that in time everyone will see who the problem is.I think you are amazing for hanging in there, and you must love your partner very much to put up with it all.Don't know if I could be as saintly! I have issues with step sons' behaviour - their mother gives them no social or moral boundaries - but I try to shut up when they are here and leave any of that to my partner to deal with. They're his kids and it's his problem.I have my own to worry about.Because we came together later in life , all the kids are over 18 and this makes it easier.

I agree with Jennymac too though staying composed while dealing with psycho BMs is the hardest thing I have ever done. BM has done evil stuff to us and all we did was bite our tongues, coz we knew if we tried to fight back, she could kick it up a notch and that's what she wants. So we just ignore her though its not easy. Its takes supernatural strength to keep calm but I am sure she will get her turn sooner or later. Let her wallow alone in her folly.

They don't end up alone!! I so understand the way run 4 the hills is feeling!! I guess you can dream about it, think up evil stuff you could do, you just never do it because we do rise above it!! My Bm has turned my SS against me and my sons (one is SS's half brother). She is rude, you can not talk to the woman as her head is rammed so far up her own a#$% she couldn't care less about anything but her social standing, this includes SS. Since Bm stole our SS's gift we sent to him and passed it off as her own, we are just sick and tired of her never having to answer for anything she does.

We have always risen above her crap, we have never said anything about her to SS, mean or otherwise and I am sick of her getting away with it. We are going to start telling SS the truth about things, not bagging her at all, but telling SS that this is what WE did and show him the evidence without mentioning her. EG: We are telling SS that the gift for his birthday was sent on this day, here is the receipt. The gift arrived this day, show him the receipt. I purchased your gift this day, show him the receipt. I don't why you got it 5 days late, postmen do not throw gifts in a locked garage and we don't want you to think we forgot you or put no thought into your birthday. So these are the facts and leave it at that. He can then take it up with BM what happened her end and ask her where her receipts are and hopefully eventually SS works it out for himself.

I would love to tape all her pathetic phone calls and put them on UTube as a weekly soap opera. Let her know it's there and post pictures of her with her yelling screaming like a trash mouth gorilla at DH. She portrays herself as an upper class lady from a well to do family, so she would just die to think other people heard what she was really like. Oh well I think it's illegal to tape her without her consent so I'll leave that one, but geez it's funny thinking about the look on her face!! LOL. Make a voodoo doll, it might make you laugh at her and ease the stress.

Catch xx

I can SOOOOOOO realate to this!
If I didn't know better I'd say we are dealing with the same woman!

Hahaha! Doesn't it make you feel good to fantasise about what you would like to do to them? I used to comfort myself with day-dreams about tying my ex Mother- in-Law up to a chair, gagging her, and just venting my feelings on her. She couldn't have escaped and she would have had to listen to what I had to say. There may have been a few hard slaps delivered for extra impact and just to make me feel better!It got more embroidered as the fantasy wore on of course, and don't you wish you could really do it?!! "Revenge is mine, saith the Lord" but I reckon God wouldn't have got half as much satisfaction as I would have!

Where she live? We'll send the SM-Mob over right away... your alibi is taken care of... passport in the mail, and you'll get confirmation that she's six feet under with an envelope of sand in the mail when it's done.... you can pay me back by doing the same....

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

Oh if I had a penny for every thought I entertained about avenging my shredded dignity when it came to BM, I would be richer than Bill Gates!! There are days when wishful thinking is the only way I can even attempt to be civil with BM. The rotten B**ch could be on fire and I wouldn't throw a bucket of piss on her to put her out. Maybe gasoline. }:) Anyway, what to do? I wish I knew. All I can do is make her think that nothing she does bothers me and laugh at her. But she is so narsisstic that I know how much that pisses her off. She acts like she is so rich and above society when in fact she doesn't have a pot to piss in. I would love to cut the brake on her car, or post her information all over a dating site with the implication that sex is all she wants, wait if I threw in money, that would be true. You know, I could think of many wonderful things to do to her. Hang in there, one day you'll get the best of her.
IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.

I know this sounds totally weird, thinking about what EX's do to our lives and how we "day dream" about what could happen to them. But let me tell you an interesting story as it relates to what goes around, come around. My brother was married, they had 4 children & he was the primary caregiver as she had a thriving business (which he helped build & establish). He also worked at another job (so they could have health insurance), which paid full time, but he worked an abbreviated schedule which permitted him to pick up the kids after school, take them to all the functions, make dinner, do the laundry,clean the house, give the baths & put them to bed. Once the kids were in bed, he would go drinking for a few hours & then would start the routine all over again. Well, she got tired of the drinking, which I can't blame her, but she filed for a restraining order based on "mental abuse", obtained a temporary visitation order allowing my brother to see the kids 1 hour/week and only 2 kids at a time and then requested that he sign everything over to her (his half of the business & their personal property). We later found out she lied on the financial documents to the courts, the $$ contradicted the IRS $$, so she had to come clean to the judge. (i.e. she claimed she made $1000/month, her IRS statement said $15,000/month, yes a month!) This whole situation resulted in such depression & shock, that he committed suicide. I later learned that he attempted to call her 4 times before he shot himself & she refused to take the calls. NOW, this was the day AFTER she invited him to HER house to cook Thanksgiving dinner & see the kids for the 1st time in months. So he obviously viewed the invitation as a peace offering....but that same night, after dinner, she told him it was over, things had not changed and to plan on complying with all of the above. The next day, the downward tailspin began & he shot himself that night. It has been difficult for me to maintain a relationship with her so I can see my neices & nephew...so many people have come to me or called to tell me stuff that went on with her that I NEVER knew until it was too late. So you can only imagine where my thoughts have been about her. So here comes the ultimate....two years after this happened, the business burned to the ground in the middle of the night. It was ultimately blamed on faulty wiring which my brother repeatedly refused to correct as he wasn't an electrician and felt an expert needed to do it due to the complexity. (the rennovation occured while they were still married) But no, she wouldn't pay for it and got mad at my brother. So, it all came back to haunt her. I am a firm believer in what comes aound, goes around. What you give out, you get back. It may take years, but it will come back...My brother did make poor choices while he was married (drinking only but never was physically or verbally abusive, he was a "happy drunk"), but he NEVER turned his back on his kids or his responsibilities, yet I can't fault her for wanting a decent marriage, but I do not approve of her actions regarding the kids.

I know this doesn't relate specifically to the original post, but it just shows that what one gives out, one gets back, sometimes in ways even we could never even imagine!!!

I've always believed that. It might not be nearly as satisfying some days as ordering a dump truck full of manure dumped on her front lawn, but when I go to bed at night, I know that I have a better heart than she does, even if I don't have a better car or better clothes or better social standing. Being a better person is all the revenge I need.

~ Anne ~

We are the masters of our own fate; the architects of our own destiny.

We deal with a BM that loves to have the last word who loves to put people down who thinks everyone but her is stupid or unworthy of her time (this includes her own kids).
I have told my husband time and again that the more you feed a fire the bigger it will get, that the only way to stop it is not feed it.
It has taken a few years but finally he has done it and he has the best feeling inside he has ever had. His Best Revenge.

The daughter called her father back.. doesn't happen often but her BM must of been around her when the phone rang. Daughter has a great conversation with Dad.. Dad is glowing from the great talk and catching up.... Daughter says Mom needs to talk to you.

He would get on the phone and before the conversation was over he would be shaking and angry and it made him sick. But this time he just said hey thanks for the call I got to go bye. Short Sweet and to the point.

She tries to start things but he turns his temper off and says I don't have time for this got to go bye. He doesn't give her the power any more to trip his trigger.

When you divorce someone its to rid them from your life. When you have kids you can't rid the person but you can rid the behavior and just don't give any power to it. If they call you names just let it go, believe it or not you make them more upset by ignoring them than you do yelling back.

If its a face to face show down. Just turn your back and say I don't have time to be angry. Walk away.. You will make them turn beat red with anger.. THEN if they touch you force you to turn around.. Press charges.. They will think twice about starting things with you.

We sought out the services of a specialist with our situation.. She said once you accept you can't change the BM and you can't control her then you get your power back and can start living your life the way you should with out all the pent up hate and rage. You do your kids more harm fighting back. Just assure them you love them always and if they ever need you. You will always be there. It may seem hard but try it once when the fights start just say bye! Take back your dignity dust off and enjoy what you can control and thats YOU.

BM of 5 SM of 3
and nuttier than a fruit cake..lol

When I met hubby 2.5 years ago he had been toe to toe with BM for 8 Years!! Always agueing and always SS was in the middle. After a few months I asked Dh why he argues with her and why he lets her annoy him like she does. He said he didn't know how to stop, he had been argueing so long and he was afraid he never met her pathetic demands she would take SS away. I told him to just try being polite and when she gets arky at him to tell her to have a nice day and hang up the phone. With trepidation, he did this and loved the way it felt to take his life back from her and SS loved that there was no more fighting. She was angry for a bit and she still acts like a goat but not to him directly, she just makes herself look stupid now because we just smile and tell her to have a nice day!! LOL

Catch xx

I haven't with the BM but I have with my daughters Step mom (long story)..As part of my final exam in my last criminalistics class I had to create a "homicide" and process the crime scene and write the final report..So I killed the girls step mother...LOL...Let me say that I throughly enjoyed that assignement and got an A+ on it by the way..

It was actually pretty funny because when my friends or family would call while I was working on my home work..Dh would tell them "Oh she can't talk right now...She is busy killing the girls step mom!" It was very theraputic for me and I really enjoyed killing her...LOL...

The best revenge is to move on and live a good life!!!!

Everyday I wake up
I am happy.................
I have a wonderful man who wants to marry me.....
We have a nice home with a pretty yard....
We have 2 vehicles..paid for....
We are very happy and content with our lives....

She is miserable...
She has a BF who has kicked her out many times and taken many of her things...
She has moved back with her mother in a bad part of town...
She makes payments on a car that's in her BF's name (bankruptcy)..
She is still searching the internet for true love...or whatever it is she's looking for..

Everyone says she must wake up and kick herself everyday...

This man..
-looked after the kids
-did the laundry
-cooked the meals
-built a beautiful dream house
-he's the life of the party
-he lived to try and make her happy
-she walked away from it all
...or she thought she could have her cake and eat it too

I know the fact that I am the better woman eats her up everyday..
I am generous
I am loving
I am thought-ful
I am dignified
I am a classy lady
I absolutly refused to stoop to her level
She upped the antics for a while trying to goad me into something but all she did is make herself look like a raving, ranting, pathetic, queen of white trash, lunatic loser of a woman.

...and that in the end is the best revenge!!!

PS

Not that I didn't plot and dream what evil things I could do to her in my head...... lol

AND

I am skinnier, younger, prettier, than her (and more modest ha ha)
And I will look absolutely stunning at her daughters wedding!! (Even if it kills me.....between the dieting and the killer dress shoes)

She's more or less backed down and gone away and leaves us alone to live our life together...

I know she can't stand what we have together and can't stand that we're so happy and living well

It really is the best revenge.....!!!!!!!

PSS
One of the ways that we dealt with the lies and manipulations was a zero tolerance policy. We did not 'engage' her in anyway..she can't manipulate you if she has no contact with you. We (He)spoke to her spoke to her only through a lawyer. We gathered independent evidence about every lie we came across whether we thought it was significant at the time or not. We did a financial/property search on her gathered any and all information we could. We approached things very from a 'clinical' very sound, logical, factual approach...that minimized the BS and emotional games she tried to play. You can't play games with someone if they won't 'engage you in any way'.... so she eventually gave up and went away...when she couldn't 'work anyone' to her advantage...

I had to put my two cents in here, I recently had to deal with one of my BF's exes coming back and threatening me and our relationship. I was furious that he seemed so non-chalant about her antics and couldn't understand how he 'just didn't care' Then I opened my e-mails and found the following horoscope....it put me in my place and gave me a new perspective and way to handle the B.S. from her....I hope it helps someone else....here it is....

Lisa Dawn

Remember the story of the three little pigs? Someone is huffing and puffing and threatening to blow your house down -- so what! If you make sure your house is solidly built, you can keep the wolf away from the door

That is so true Lisa Dawn!! She huffed and she puffed and when she ran out of breath she got SS to huff and puff and when they realised out unity was so strong they both stopped trying. It still hurts that SS doesn't come anymore and each day we take baby steps with that but after all is said and done, we still have rock solid family and our other kids are happier than ever. Although we miss SS, we don't miss her and her crap & we are happier than we have ever been in our relationship.

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*