Feeling sad / resentful and confuaed
:sick:
Today was "moving" day. Meaning back to my place for the week ( we don't live together yet even after 4+ yrs) you can read my history under my bookmarks.
I don't know if because its " that time " that its bothering me more, or if its because my sister and her boyfriend have moved in after less than a year, my cousin and her fiance moved in... I'm feeling left behind , i know it won't work to live in one house because of his.kids issues and me needing to keep a separate environment for my children..
I'm just feeling very resentful , last night I was thinking about ending it because ( the relationship ) I feel like we are at an impass and a dead end.. we.love each other but the back and forth with he and I, the heart wrenching sharing of my kids with their own dad,.. I feel like there's never a " home" . Everybody's always somewhere but never together for long. It's hurting my heart, it bothers me that although WITH someone we are never a " complete unit" ever during the week. He has his life, I have mine. He has his kids, I have mine. We play " house" and are a temporary family on the weekends, then, I pack up bags full of my / our things, and we leave to go back my place.
It's lonely being with someone yet being together, just not physically able to be in the same space as a couple should be.
I'm confused and I don't know if I will feel better about this tomorrow.
Our circumstances keep us apart.. but if we live together, I'm scared to death that four kids will rip what's left to shreds..
Advice ? Same experience???
Well, this may not go down
Well, this may not go down well but why the urge to live together? Just because others are doing it ... look, I have a very good friend who I met while we were both getting divorced. Ours was the only one in the group we belonged to that wasn't divorcing due to cheating.
She found a new man and moved him in. The cracks started showing immediately and despite her own common sense she married him. Inside 3 yrd of meeting him/ moving him in/ marrying him ... they were divorced. So you really don't know what REALLY goes on inside other people's relationships.
Dr Laura recommends dating for 18 months. This gives things time to lose the newness gloss and shine. If my friend had done this and just dated him I doubt she would be divorced again.
You may think you are a family on the weekends. But are you really? My kids love my DH but their 'family' is me, their father and the 4 kids. So your idea of 'family' may not be your kids idea of 'family'. You can't MAKE them want this family anymore than you can make them forget they have a father.
Don't be too hard on yourself. You don't know what goes on in these other relationships. They may all fall apart in a few months or stay together forever. And your SO is only as lovable as he wants to be. He COULD draw the line with his kids but he won't. Only you know if you can live like this until his last child leaves home and then even then they will be back to visit.
If my DH had pandered to his kids or not paid attention when they were milking the daddy-cow for all it is worth I would not have married him. Take it easy on yourself a little. The holidays are a terrible time for making these decisions unless it is a violent or illegal situation.
Thank.you sarahanne. It is
Thank.you sarahanne. It is just the emotions. I know we will make it. Already been.this way four years I just do get lonely. Don't feel very " real " as a couple. Plus. I'm being hormonal which takes sense and reality and throws most of it out the window.
To tell you the truth, I wish
To tell you the truth, I wish I still lived separately. I have no children of my own either.
I have a couple friend who
I have a couple friend who live separately. They live 2 hours a part. No kids though, so that might make things different. However, they do quite well. Each has their own house. They take turns on the weekends going to see one another. I think its quite nice for both of them.
It seems like you should be doing it the conventional way, but its ok if you don't.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21369007/ns/health-behavior/t/some-couples-d...
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/18/garden/18unblended.html?pagewanted=all
I loved the article. However,
I loved the article. However, she and her husband clearly state they do not wish to inhabit the same space. Lolololololol. I can see for them however , that it works. What's keeping my FDH and I apart as I do recognize is a good reason , is our difference in parenting but mostly, his children have been dangerously out of control and they need to not be if my children are to live there too.
There are just days when I miss having someone.. I do think us being aprt so often keeps things fresh and us in love. But I don't desire to stay this way.
I just did a quick search. I
I just did a quick search. I bet you can find other articles. Married and living separately.
We basically have what you
We basically have what you would call an LTA relationship. Living together apart. Very common in Europe .