Ever just feel alone in all of this? *rant*
Keep in mind, I am hormonal right now, and I didn't sleep well last night, so all of this is tinged with those factors, but, I just can't help but wonder if I am alone in feeling alone in this step parenting business?
I mean, my FDH doesn't have to worry about my DS,because I parent him. He doesn't have to worry about SS5, because I am the one who drops him off and picks him up, and watches him if FDH is working when it isn't BM's weekend. (To be fair, he doesn't often work on weekends, but it does happen) I try to disengage when FDH is around, but this in itself frustrate me, having a rude, rotten Prince Not-So-Charming running around my house acting like the sun shines out of his nether regions and the universe is orbiting him, and me not having anything to do with it. I want to put him in his place like I would mine and it drives me up a wall when I am trying not to. I know, I am a control freak and I need to let it go. I will be happier if I let it go.
Last night the boys were fighting after their baths, FDH wasn't home yet, it was early but I told them that they needed to go to bed and read until bed time since they couldn't be nice to each other. Ok, for five seconds there was peace and quiet and then SS5 started screaming like he was being murdered and I could hear my son telling him to give him the book. I waited for a few minutes and it didn't stop and I went in there, low and behold, SS5 had my son's Bible story book, DS8 wanted said Bible story book, so a fight ensued with both vying for possession of the book. I didn't know who had the book first, nor did I really care at this point, so I took the book from both of them, put it away, and told them both they were going to bed early since they couldn't even read quietly without being at each other's throats. I told them I had best not hear a peep from either or they would face my wrath, turned out the lights, and closed the door. All was quiet, I thought they had fallen asleep. FDH finally got home at about 8:45 and went into the bedroom to give SS a hug and when he got back out he was chuckling and saying how smart SS is. He told me when he got in there SS was awake and SS told him "Daddy, I was laying very still and quiet so that Auberry wouldn't hear me and get me in trouble, but I was really lying awake waiting for you to come home" This is a five year old child. I know children do and say things. I know that I shouldn't be upset, that it is silly for this to get to me, but today it is getting to me.
No one expect FDH to be super dad for my son. Everyone Ooos and Ahhhhs over how good he is to DS8. He is good to him, but everyone feels like this is just a bonus. But, me, the stepmom? Oh, I am supposed to be super woman according to everyone. I am just so tired today, and even though my FDH is in general a good guy he is human, and so am I. La. I just feel alone right now, it just doesn't feel like anyone I know actually gets it.
FDH is CP of SS5, so we have
FDH is CP of SS5, so we have him all the time, and while he does allow me to parent SS5, FDH is a guilty dad, so no matter how much parenting leeway I have, daddy turns around and undermines it even if he doesn't mean to. Plus, BM is still in SS5's life, she gets him EOW, the month of July, and a week on alternating holidays. It doesn't matter in the end, I am not his mom. I don't know why this is bothering me so much more today than it does other days, but it is just getting to me. FDH is the only father figure in my DS's life, I allow him to be a full parent partner and there is no bio dad in the picture to undermine my FDH. I am just frustrated today. La.
I cry in the shower for
I cry in the shower for release. Because I know after being on these boards this will only get better if I leave my SO.
You're not alone. My DH
You're not alone. My DH sometimes comes home late and proceeds to gush about how smart and perfect SS9 is... He's supposed to feel like that. It's his child. Unfortunately, step-parents cannot feel the same way. And, I can't get him to understand that it's an emotional impossibility. He really thinks that anyone who knew his child well enough would gush in the same way!
And, of course, DH doesn't see the bad parts of SS9's behavior either because by the time he gets home, SS9 feels so deprived of his attention that he acts perfectly. I keep thinking one day I'll tape record the evening's events and let DH watch that when he comes home... I don't really think it would change anything, but at least maybe DH would understand the situation a little better.
Sounds like your a great mom
Sounds like your a great mom to both of them. Your H. does get off easy. I feel like this with my H. and I don't have a skid around (my skids are grown, I have a 4 yr old).
Are you overworked and doing too much of the chores? Maybe you could divy up the chores with him more so you are not spending too much of your day on them.