Oh yes - in my experience anyhow. We didn't have them living here full time - just EOW and holidays. But about 4 yrs ago that all stopped - they are now 21 and 23. My life immediately got infinitely better. Now my DH sees them from time to time, when they are home - probably about once every 3 weeks average. He takes them for coffee or lunch usually - I very rarely go along. They now come here for a meal once or twice a year. It is heavenly compared to my life before.
It depends on the situation... some don't leave home, some leave home and daddy throws hundreds of $$ at them a month. My sd22 came to live with us at 21, but had tantrums and was such a liar she eventually riled up my MIL enough to come over and call us names for treating sd22 so badly. SO was so angry and hurt he made her go stay at MIL for a few days to give him some time to cool down and she decided to just live there. Now all her stuff is out, no more mail and packages coming every few days, no more 22 year old sitting on her ass while I clean the whole house, no more tantrums. She wanted to come with us to visit her siblings 4 hours away so SO made her pay for gas(we had to get a rental car), her own hotel room and her own meals. I am satisfied how things are being handled with her now. But when she lived with us it was miserable. And at first SO ignored alot of things until I pointed out the housework and help and interaction my adult children provided daily, how my dd23 did not sit on the couch all day everyday and I had expectations of her(she even bought a car seat for my youngest so she'd have one permanently in her car). I work 55+/wk and SO is disabled so I rely on everyone living with us to help the home run smoothly. My sd22 just wasn't into being a family unit. When SO has seizures she totally ignores it and even my 6 year old helps out automatically during that. I don't know how many times I talked and lectured and fussed at her about that. He could die and she just ignores it...
So I went into a rant there lol I've seen for some families once the skids are grown and leave home it's peaceful, but also from reading here may fathers still send lots of money to grown kids and buy into their drama and skids chime back(just like bio kids come back lol but mine have rules to follow or they're out) I use posts from here to try and prevent issues before they happen.
Yep. She just continues staring at the tv while I call my other kids for help if I need it. She once let him repeatedly beat his head against the edge of the entertainment center, and then LIED to me saying she protected his head. When I made it home and got to him his head was BLOODY. It turned out she didn't do a damn thing until it was over. His ex used to let it happen and kick him and stuff, She was very abusive. And I guess that's what my skids learned? Except that's pretty fucked up, isn't it, to think that's ok and normal, once you grow up. I let her have it. I mean I blasted her, I was shaking and so mad I wanted to strangle her. My 6 year old runs to get a pillow at the first sign of a seizure! She's actually propped him up a couple of times during absence seizures until I heard her calling me and got in there. Sd22 went to work afterwards and complained to them about my "rules" of dealing with seizures (protect his head, time them and call 911 if they go past 3 minutes) I told her if she EVER let her dad get hurt again she would be sorry and that it was shitty to treat her dad that way. I know I act very calm but I HAVE to be so SO doesn't panic when he comes out of a seizure but my calmness doesn't at all mean everything is ok and I think by the teens years a child should get it. This is one of the top 3 shittiest things my skids have done to their dad IMO.
It all depends on the bio parent. If he/she is a weak, sniveling blob who cannot set firm boundaries then you will have misery forever. Note: do not marry someone like that.
Sadly, I think no it doesn't. In my case DW will have these "kids" living at home forever!!! The oldest is 23 and still in college. DW begs her to come home EVERY weekend and even offers to come pick her up!!! The 19 yr old is a nightmare, and the lasiest dumbest person ive even known. DW made sure she went to the local JC so she could keep her living at home.
DW treats then like they are 5 years old, and I honestly know, if I stay in this, I will be living with and supporting her kids for the rest of my life.
Not so far. SD18 just left for college. She's clingy, so she skypes with us every day. My husband texts with her a lot...every single day. Since the summer, she no longer had to follow the custody arrangement, so she gets to go to whosever house she wants, whenever she wants. So, I have even less control of when stepkids are in my house. Plus, I have a rule in my house that if you want to talk to BM on the phone, it's fine, just go to your room and have a private conversation. But now, since she's an adult and a guest in our house rather than a child in our house, she just does whatever she wants, so I constantly have to hear about BM sh*t and SS14 is following suit. And, DH is just happy his "little girl" spend time with him, so he doesn't enforce any household rules.
Yeah, I was so excited to have one turn 18 and go to college, but really it doesn't stop the crap that you have to deal with. And, she is the one that I really like! I keep telling myself that I only have 4 more years of SS14 (he's the crappy kid), but knowing what I know, turning 18 doesn't mean it gets better. It means there's a whole set of new frustrations to look forward to.
It could go either way. Sometimes space is all that is needed.
My SO'S oldest joined the military and did his own thing as soon as he turned 18m I never have had to deal with him nor do I communicate with him.
He occasionally message and stays with us when he visits-which is total hell because he always wants to pick a fight with his dad. Apart from that though we rarely have to deal with him.
So yes it can get bettet once they're grown-if they move out lol.
My SO's daughter was a real nightmare, bad attitude, bad everything and she was always causing drama-living with us.
So I am thrilled that she moved in with her mother.
Currently this house is drama free now tgat she too has left and is no longer stirring up conflict and drama.
We still get visits from my SO's youngest son, but he's an angel compared to the other 2, so I am happy.
Things can get better, the depends on if they still live with you and if parents are enabling bad behavior and feeding them money. It's always about money...
Anon you said "It's always about money". I agree with this as this has been one of the topics that we all had a major blow out. Its like it doesn't matter how much you do even when you go above and beyond and they are grown.....they always want more and get upset if you don't. Some how you become the worse parent in the world if you place boundarlies, limits, and say No. It's unreal!
Lol no kidding. I mean they don't give you a choice but to hurt their feelings!
Sometimes it's like they don't get the concept that 'we have bills to pay'. I'm not going to prioritize giving you $50 so you can go buy cigarettes and eat out. You wanna eat? We bought groceries and I cook every night.
You want something as trivial as cigarettes? Go get you a job, I'm not supporting your unhealthy habits.
After these statements then the fury would rain down....
Yes, I agree they view you as a 'terrible parent' for not throwing cash their direction. Hello, go get a job!
When we had our blow up guess what SD's main complaint was to do with? You guessed it.....money.....
Oh yes - in my experience
Oh yes - in my experience anyhow. We didn't have them living here full time - just EOW and holidays. But about 4 yrs ago that all stopped - they are now 21 and 23. My life immediately got infinitely better. Now my DH sees them from time to time, when they are home - probably about once every 3 weeks average. He takes them for coffee or lunch usually - I very rarely go along. They now come here for a meal once or twice a year. It is heavenly compared to my life before.
Welcome to the site, by the way!
Only
Once every 3 weeks...and not having to join them. That sounds like heaven.
I’ll let you know in 2 years
but I bloody well hope so!!!
It depends on the situation..
It depends on the situation... some don't leave home, some leave home and daddy throws hundreds of $$ at them a month. My sd22 came to live with us at 21, but had tantrums and was such a liar she eventually riled up my MIL enough to come over and call us names for treating sd22 so badly. SO was so angry and hurt he made her go stay at MIL for a few days to give him some time to cool down and she decided to just live there. Now all her stuff is out, no more mail and packages coming every few days, no more 22 year old sitting on her ass while I clean the whole house, no more tantrums. She wanted to come with us to visit her siblings 4 hours away so SO made her pay for gas(we had to get a rental car), her own hotel room and her own meals. I am satisfied how things are being handled with her now. But when she lived with us it was miserable. And at first SO ignored alot of things until I pointed out the housework and help and interaction my adult children provided daily, how my dd23 did not sit on the couch all day everyday and I had expectations of her(she even bought a car seat for my youngest so she'd have one permanently in her car). I work 55+/wk and SO is disabled so I rely on everyone living with us to help the home run smoothly. My sd22 just wasn't into being a family unit. When SO has seizures she totally ignores it and even my 6 year old helps out automatically during that. I don't know how many times I talked and lectured and fussed at her about that. He could die and she just ignores it...
So I went into a rant there lol I've seen for some families once the skids are grown and leave home it's peaceful, but also from reading here may fathers still send lots of money to grown kids and buy into their drama and skids chime back(just like bio kids come back lol but mine have rules to follow or they're out) I use posts from here to try and prevent issues before they happen.
She ignores
She ignores her own dad having a seizure?! Wow...
Yep. She just continues
Yep. She just continues staring at the tv while I call my other kids for help if I need it. She once let him repeatedly beat his head against the edge of the entertainment center, and then LIED to me saying she protected his head. When I made it home and got to him his head was BLOODY. It turned out she didn't do a damn thing until it was over. His ex used to let it happen and kick him and stuff, She was very abusive. And I guess that's what my skids learned? Except that's pretty fucked up, isn't it, to think that's ok and normal, once you grow up. I let her have it. I mean I blasted her, I was shaking and so mad I wanted to strangle her. My 6 year old runs to get a pillow at the first sign of a seizure! She's actually propped him up a couple of times during absence seizures until I heard her calling me and got in there. Sd22 went to work afterwards and complained to them about my "rules" of dealing with seizures (protect his head, time them and call 911 if they go past 3 minutes) I told her if she EVER let her dad get hurt again she would be sorry and that it was shitty to treat her dad that way. I know I act very calm but I HAVE to be so SO doesn't panic when he comes out of a seizure but my calmness doesn't at all mean everything is ok and I think by the teens years a child should get it. This is one of the top 3 shittiest things my skids have done to their dad IMO.
It all depends on the bio
It all depends on the bio parent. If he/she is a weak, sniveling blob who cannot set firm boundaries then you will have misery forever. Note: do not marry someone like that.
Sadly, I think no it doesn't.
Sadly, I think no it doesn't. In my case DW will have these "kids" living at home forever!!! The oldest is 23 and still in college. DW begs her to come home EVERY weekend and even offers to come pick her up!!! The 19 yr old is a nightmare, and the lasiest dumbest person ive even known. DW made sure she went to the local JC so she could keep her living at home.
DW treats then like they are 5 years old, and I honestly know, if I stay in this, I will be living with and supporting her kids for the rest of my life.
The older they get, the
The older they get, the nastier the tactics-- if they are nasty, jealous people. It never improves, but you get a lot wiser to the juvenile behavior.
Not so far. SD18 just left
Not so far. SD18 just left for college. She's clingy, so she skypes with us every day. My husband texts with her a lot...every single day. Since the summer, she no longer had to follow the custody arrangement, so she gets to go to whosever house she wants, whenever she wants. So, I have even less control of when stepkids are in my house. Plus, I have a rule in my house that if you want to talk to BM on the phone, it's fine, just go to your room and have a private conversation. But now, since she's an adult and a guest in our house rather than a child in our house, she just does whatever she wants, so I constantly have to hear about BM sh*t and SS14 is following suit. And, DH is just happy his "little girl" spend time with him, so he doesn't enforce any household rules.
Yeah, I was so excited to have one turn 18 and go to college, but really it doesn't stop the crap that you have to deal with. And, she is the one that I really like! I keep telling myself that I only have 4 more years of SS14 (he's the crappy kid), but knowing what I know, turning 18 doesn't mean it gets better. It means there's a whole set of new frustrations to look forward to.
It could go either way.
It could go either way. Sometimes space is all that is needed.
My SO'S oldest joined the military and did his own thing as soon as he turned 18m I never have had to deal with him nor do I communicate with him.
He occasionally message and stays with us when he visits-which is total hell because he always wants to pick a fight with his dad. Apart from that though we rarely have to deal with him.
So yes it can get bettet once they're grown-if they move out lol.
My SO's daughter was a real nightmare, bad attitude, bad everything and she was always causing drama-living with us.
So I am thrilled that she moved in with her mother.
Currently this house is drama free now tgat she too has left and is no longer stirring up conflict and drama.
We still get visits from my SO's youngest son, but he's an angel compared to the other 2, so I am happy.
Things can get better, the depends on if they still live with you and if parents are enabling bad behavior and feeding them money. It's always about money...
Anon you said "It's always
Anon you said "It's always about money". I agree with this as this has been one of the topics that we all had a major blow out. Its like it doesn't matter how much you do even when you go above and beyond and they are grown.....they always want more and get upset if you don't. Some how you become the worse parent in the world if you place boundarlies, limits, and say No. It's unreal!
Good thing I don't mind hurting feelings!
Lol no kidding. I mean they
Lol no kidding. I mean they don't give you a choice but to hurt their feelings!
Sometimes it's like they don't get the concept that 'we have bills to pay'. I'm not going to prioritize giving you $50 so you can go buy cigarettes and eat out. You wanna eat? We bought groceries and I cook every night.
You want something as trivial as cigarettes? Go get you a job, I'm not supporting your unhealthy habits.
After these statements then the fury would rain down....
Yes, I agree they view you as a 'terrible parent' for not throwing cash their direction. Hello, go get a job!
When we had our blow up guess what SD's main complaint was to do with? You guessed it.....money.....