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does anyone ACTUALLy get along with BM? just curious

not yet a step mom's picture

I always hear about how awful BM's are.... and i am just wondering if there are any step mom's on this site that do get along with their respective BM's??? (and NO, i am not a BM myself, i do not have any kids of my own).
I feel pretty lucky (knock on wood) that so far my BF's ex and i get along OK for the most part. I mean, seh hasnt' been caddy or vindictive to me...yet.

bebegirl22's picture

I didn't get along with BM for years. In the beginning she said awful things to the skids about me and they were so upset at their father and me because of her. She did the usual stuff like trying to turn the family against my DH or showing up at family gatherings with my SD's to make us uncomfortable and make everyone feel sorry for her.

Well 8 years later, she thanks her lucky stars for me because I am the reason her daughters are taken care of. Yeah, she's resentful and jealous of me, but it's her fault and she doesn't do anything about it so she might say she's bitter, but she's too lazy or self-centered to step up.

We talk on the phone and we've hung out with my SDs together. Last month we even went to register my SD and had lunch and even a few laughs. She's not the type of person I'd be friends with and she knows I don't like her as a mother but I tolerate her for my SD's and I talk crap behind her back. Were frenemies. Smile

Ziska's picture

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha I think I've just died...great question. The woman that is my SSs BM is a horrible person who has created two monster's that have learned the following things from her:
1-How to avoid
2-How to procrastinate
3-How to manipulate
4-How to guilt
5-How to use religion to guilt even more
6-How to use people
7-How to omit (basically lie)
8-How to tell a lie with a straight face
9-How to make up stories on the spot
10-last but not least: HOW TO ALWAYS PLAY THE VICTIM:-)

And as to your question, I get along with her really well....because I don't talk to her and because the skids are adults so she has no reason to have contact.....or me for that matter with her...and I never did when they were younger either....the SSs actually call her the c-word all the time but at the same time yearn for her approval and love, which they never got....here is one example: when the youngest (SS21) then 16 decided to move in with dad (the oldest already lived with us)and I, she flipped her shit her words "I cannot believe you are leaving me because you will cause me financial harm"...she basically sent the message to SS21 that all he was worth was a paycheck from ex.......she sent alot of those message so the SSs think its ok to use people etc.

young stepmother of two's picture

And as to your question, I get along with her really well....because I don't talk to her..

Love it. True, true, true.

I don't get along with BM because she is a person of bad character. Loves to gossip, lies a lot, cheats (recently had an affair with her "best friend's" husband.. and they are "best friends" again now.. hope she doesn't bring a new beau around BM!), doesn't act like a mom (uses her kids as accessories), ran out on DH more than once (the last time, way before we met, left skids at home, they were one month old, and just left the state without a word), etc. You get the picture.

For the most part, these BMs are not still with our DHs for valid reasons.

mystiery's picture

Me and my BM get along just fine, in fact we occasionally have slumber parties with out the kids and braid each others hair Biggrin (seriously we do well used to until i cut my hair to short to braid).

mystiery's picture

hahahaha i forgot about that, i wish i had the camcorder then instead of the webcam that was tooooo funny. or how about your dh complaining he hated how stupid we were acting for being drunk even though we were sober? lol

forever2's picture

Are there ANY SMs who get along with BMs? Probably, but fewer than those who have buried them in the backyard }:) .

Unhappy's picture

Ha. Your funny. I would have liked to have been on good terms with my BF's crazy BM. But after all her secretive texts about how she's not dating anyone else becuse she's waiting for him and how she still loves him, which weren't very secretive seeing as how I know. And then getting upset about my BF telling me about their secretive romance, which was only going on her head. Not to mention all the other crazy stuff. If she was ever nice to me and acted like she wanted to be friends, I wouldn't trust her as far as I throw her. And believe me when I tell you, I'd be lucky just to get her off the ground.

TheBrightSide's picture

BM is lazy and narcisistic and we have nothing in common. Yeah we actually get along. I think the real reason we get along is because deep down she doesn't give a shit about her daughter which allows me and DH to parent without interference.

Rags's picture

Yep, I get along with BM just fine. She is my wife. Biggrin

I also get along well with the SpermIdiot. He rarely calls or has anything to do with my SS so we get along fine. He is a reprehensible toothless dipshit but since we rarely interface we get along GREAT!

SpermGrandMa on the other hand ....... Is a HAG from hell.

However, now that my SS is 18 and likely will never see his SpermClan again, I am sure our relationship with the SpermClan will get increasingly better going forward until we have absolutely no contact with them at all. Even through our son.

totalof4's picture

I tried in the beginning to be civil. You know, for the childrens sake. It was clearly impossible. BM was so jealous of me with her ex, my DH :)and the boys that it was just futile.

not yet a step mom's picture

damn! so i guess the answer to my question is pretty much NO. haha
well i guess, personally i have rare circumstances. BM and DH only got married b/c she was prego and he could put her on his insurance... so i guess they were never really a "couple" per say. AND they split up for good probably 6-7 years ago, which is way b4 i was in the picture. AND BM is remarried with a new kiddo, so she is somewhat content. i mean, dont get me wrong, we still have the little annoying crap happen, like she sends the kid out to us for the summer with only flip flops, no real shoes. or she says DH tricked her with plane tickets and crap... when really she was nto payign attention. But for th emost part, she is cool to me, She thanks me for being in the kid's life and DH's, saying that i make everything more stable and so forth. So i guess i feel lucky (again, knock on wood).

StillSearching's picture

I have only met her once in my whole 2 1/2 years in my relationship. She stays out of our business and I am glad for that.

MamaBecky's picture

I have two BM's. SD13's BM I do not like but I get along with her fine. My DH is a crappy parent and I am there other parent when they are in our home. BOTH BM's know this and are greatful for it. I have no BIO's and I wont/cant. I went into this relationship EYES WIDE OPEN...I married my DH and our kids. They were part of the wedding (not just in it) and I had vows for them as well as him, and we did a blending/sand ceremony. Everyone is on the same page regarding my role in their lives. BM#2 and I are actaully...dare I say it...friends. We get along well. We can do mommy/daughter things together and we enjoy each others company and advice. I am very LUCKY to have her as a BM. So yes...it can happen. It was not always this easy. At first when DH and I started dating BM's both were skeptical and standoffish/rude but over time they realize I am not a wicked witch step mom...I am a glinda...the good witch. LOL Smile

ddakan's picture

rofl! i would have been willing to get along for the kids sake, but....it hurts her too much to see me because she realizes what she lost.... :sick: its been 10 years for me. it will NEVER happen. i'd like to say i wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire, but alas, i really would because im a nice person. nice people get tired of being treated like crap though, hence this site!!!!

MamaBecky's picture

Yes...I still get frustrated and need to vent from time to time......and this site is addicting!