It's not an issue of being burned by another step mother, exactly, it's just that it's easy to open up to someone who is in the same boat, but that person, who happens to be a step mother, might blab what you open up about, to the wrong people.

You may feel comfortable venting to that person, because they too are a step parent, but they might take your venting wrong and tell everybody what a mean person you are (for example). Or that person might know so-and-so, who knows so-and-so, who's best friends with BM and you've vented about what monsters the step kids are. Anything is possible.

Just don't be too trusting just because you have the step parent thing in common, that's all. People are still people (and gossipers).

It's not a secret if you tell another person. My YSD will tell you flat out that she can NOT keep a secret. When her older sister got pregnant, she called her dad and started saying hinty things about it until he "forced the words out of her". She loves repeating stuff. It's probably what will get her into trouble with others most.

The good side is that she will 100% tell on herself. She can't even keep her own screw ups secret. (not to mention her poops)

My DH had talked to another SM and told her that I was having a hard time with BM not doing her motherly duties and other things. This SM sympathized and told him that it was the hardest job anyone could have.

That same night she had a few drinks and told BM everything DH had said. Thing is - this SM never sees BM - just happened to be a change encounter at a bar that night. SM has known DH his whole life. They grew up next door to each other.

After that we only talk to each other and my mother about step life.

I got to be very good friends with one of DH's co-workers, she and I talked and texted all the time. She too was a SM, but of boys and they never lived with them, and she didn't have her own kids. She and DH rarely talked, it was always her and I. She was always telling me to talk to her when things were hard with the whole skid thing, she understood.

So when DH and I were having some problems, our relationship was not going well, I complained to her that DH was being an ass, and was a really shitty dad, not doing anything but sitting on his ass instead of actually parenting SD.

No sooner had I vented to her, she turned around and told DH everything I had said. I didn't deny anything I had said, and I meant it all, but I didn't expect her to tell DH word for word when I was venting. But it did remind me not to trust some people just because I "thought" they understood. She and I do not speak anymore. I don't need "friends" I can't trust. DH and I went to counseling, and he has stepped it up tremendously since then.

I'm fortunate that my sister also has two SD's, very much like my own SD's ironically, and so we can vent with each other as needed. It helps! Her challenges are similar to mine, even though she has a bio son (from her previous marriage) but her DH-related issues concerning her SD's are so similar to my own...

I know several SMs in real life, and they haven't dealt with a tenth of the shit I have. The BMs aren't PASinators and the skids don't have behavior or hygiene problems. They wonder what's wrong with ME that my situation isn't just peachy like theirs.

I don't hang out with these people unless I have to.

I made the mistake of telling an in law who is also a SM about this site. She decided to stick a knife in my back and tell the rest of the Coven about it at a family gathering DH and I didn't attend. That led to BM turning up on our doorstep to happily tattle on the in law for tattling...That led to me deleting my account and only lurking for a year.

Step life is very complicated, and each situation is unique. Most of the members on ST are here because they're struggling, but you can't assume that every step parent is. As with all interpersonal relations, remember discretion, discretion, discretion.

My advice not to get close was because you never know what kind of stepparent that person is. Like I mentioned them, I too found a stepmom friend I was hopeful about but now after a few conversations I find that although she is friendly and genuinely nice, I dont agree with the way she parents her skid.

Invest adequate time to form an nor end jusgement before you bare your soul IRL.

It's got nothing to do with SM, BM or any thing...

It's simply because people like to gossip, any one can burn you.... or if they do not burn you they use it against you.....

every one in my life thinks I have a good relationship with Aergia, and that we have a perfect little blended life, it's not true.... but I do not care what they believe, I'm not telling any one the truth about the facts..
Just you ladies on this site knows

Therapy is a safer option!

When I was married the first time and a SM, I had no one to talk to. I didn't know any other step moms at all.
I just had to learn things the hard way.

This time around, I not only moved away to be with my now DH but left all my support system behind. I had No one at all let alone any SM's to talk to.
Eventually I became friends with a few ladies who happened to be friends with DH and were step moms. Needless to say, neither were good role models.
At one point in our marriage, DH and I were struggling REALLY bad due to step hell. I confided in my "SM Friend" about it all and even cried on her shoulder a few times.
I really appreciated her and her friendship. About a year later, She used all the info I had given her against me. Told a ton of people the dirty details of DH and My marital problems. I was crushed. To this day that woman runs the other way every time she sees me.
She has since burned through several other women friends and done the same thing to them. They are now all coming to me about how horrible she is.
I just tell them, not my issue, I warned you years ago she was evil and you didn't want to listen...sorry.
I have an amazing support system of SM's now. Ones that I can totally trust. It took a long time for me to fully open up with them about
my stephell but they are amazing..and trustworthy.