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BM strikes again

JY's picture

Submitted by JY on Tue, 11/04/2008 - 9:12pm

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General Discussion

Hello Everyone,

Yesterday was BF's birthday. BF tells me when he went to pick up his daughter in school, he received a birthday card and a caramel candy from his daughter. BF say's he thinks his ex-wife
has lost it. I agree with him b/c ever since they separated she never has gotten her daughter a gift to give to BF for his birthday, christmas or father's day. BF plans on throwing away the card and the candy b/c he states he doesn't expect anything from his daughter b/c she doesn't work, she is too young at this time. BF feels daughter could have made him a card or some craft out of construction paper and it would have been sincere. How should BF proceed in this situation? All opinions are appreciated it.

bewitched's picture

Submitted by bewitched on Tue, 11/04/2008 - 9:55pm

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

Perhaps his daughter is now old enough, and asked her mother about, so BM did at D's request.

When I divorced, my youngest was 12. I always gave him money and took him to the store to pick out a gift for his father. I didn't do it for the ex, I did it for my son. I didn't want him to feel excluded (the ex's new wife also had kids), and also wanted him to feel the joy you get from giving. That was my reasoning.

H and I give money to SD13 to get gifts for her mother. Not SD17-she is old enough to buy BM a gift if she wants to.

But then, I don't have real issues with BM. She leaves me alone, I leave her alone. Sometimes I do get bothered, realizing H has had conversations with her when I'm not around, but I've got my hands full with the H & SD17 tag team, and don't need anymore drama.

FallingfromGrace's picture

Submitted by FallingfromGrace on Wed, 11/05/2008 - 8:07am

my H picked up his boys from BM's on his birthday. She sent a cake with him! Ofcourse she said that their sons (5 and 6 at the time) wanted to bake him a cake. The kids knew we were having a birthday party for their Dad with our families so I am sure they told her and she thought it would be great for me to serve a cake his ex wife made at the party! He told the boys thanks for the cake and they said "Mom said we had to make you a cake". I had ordered a special cake decorated with our families favorite sports team. I was pissed to say the least. Why would you think that your ex and his wife want to serve a cake made by you on their b-day. It was about control and trying to be part of the celebration. Ofcourse DH didnt see it that way. Men!!!

"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."

Conflicted's picture

Submitted by Conflicted on Wed, 11/05/2008 - 7:58pm

But since I live BOTH sides of the coin and am a self admited hypocrite here goes:

I get along wonderfully with my ex, my DH and I are very friendly with my ex and his spouse so I would most definately help our 7-year-old daughter pick something out for him. In fact, recently while driving back from Montana (we live near Seattle) we stopped in to at a gift shop that we hit every time we're driving back, anyway, my little girl saw a cute little angel that stood up on a mirror and lights up, she saw it and instantly said "I have to get that for my NaNa!".... She was talking about my ex's mom......
I thought only for a moment before saying 'of course you can get that for your NaNa!'
Let me tell you that I cannot stand my daughter's NaNa, the woman is a nosey, loud beeotch.... can't stand her, never could, and likely never will; but you'd better bet that my daughter will NEVER know any of that.
My little girl only sees her mommy and daddy getting along, her step-parents getting along and everyone is happy. As a result, we have a wonderfully sweet, thoughtful little girl who doesn't have to worry about what one parent (or step-parent) will think if she gets or makes a gift for the other. I have to say it again; I am so proud of my little girl for being so thoughtful, she knows that her NaNa collects angels and she wanted to make her NaNa smile. I feel so lucky to have my little girl.

Now lets flip the coin.... and here comes the hypocrite part.... as a step-mom dealing with my DH's wreched ex, you'd better bet I'd be pissed if that woman sent a gift for my DH! But then I'd know that comming from her she'd either A) Have something up sleeve, Dirol pathetically attempting to impress my DH, C) have poisened her 'gift' to kill us all off, etc.

Yeah, I wouldn't like that one bit and sending a cake?! If DH did anything less than take the cake and smash it in her ugly mug I'd be pissed!