Back Unscathed from the Lions Den--Miracles do happen, thanks to guilt-free Dad method!
I wrote last week we were traveling 1000 miles to see SD and her new baby, along with BM and SILS from heck. Well, miracles do happen.
The first sign:
My SD picked us up at the airport--and she hugged me! Genuinely. This little girl done growed up.
This is the little missy who drove DH crazy as a teen--and swore at me more than once.
Her baby is adorable--one of the most beautiful and well-mannered infants I've ever seen.
SD is working and has plans to go back to school!
Sadly, she cried when DH and I were leaving. I credit this change to DH refusing to do the guilt parenting thing. He did a little at first--gave her money, etc.--but after a while, he consistently said no and wouldn't bail her out of her car accidents, high insurance, need of a car, etc.
And it worked! She is taking responsibility and now realizes what a great support and rock DH is! I couldn't be happier. I lost an evil SD and maybe...gained a DD?!
The SILs were decent--why couldn't they have been this way before we moved?
The worst one--SIL1--we kept our distance from her, but greetings were cordial. She is the one who
is a narcissist bully and poisoned the well for us after our marriage.
She is still a narcissist--LOL--she gave MIL a photo of the new baby in a heart-shaped paperweight with--
you won't believe it--not the baby's mom--NO--the grandmother (BM)--NO-- but herself, the GREAT AUNT!
This is the woman, who when she called DH after the birth, said, "He looks just like ME." NO, not the mom, NO not DH! Ha Ha (and he looks just like DH as a baby, too)
When she showed up at MILs, she HOGGED the baby--DH had travelled 1000 miles--but couldn't get near him.
I made sure I got pics with the mom and baby--there weren't any! Also DH and baby--he smiled when he saw his DGD! So precious!
So, in summary, it pays to set boundaries and keep them--we did that with SD and the SILs and it worked! Praise the Lord.
It is great to hear a good
It is great to hear a good ending! Boundaries make sense and pay off. How do we make the DH's realize this from the start? Did you do something to make your DH realize he needed to set boundaries?
I guess there is hope after all!
Thanks for sharing your happiness, I hope we can spread it around!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
He figured it out on his own...
fortunately. He had the kind of marriage where he literally did everything except birth the babies. BM is one of the least motivated people I have ever met. She works full-time, yes, but has NO hobbies or interests or activities. DH is like me, a real overfunctioner and our exs were very similar, very immature and dependent yet unappreciative and abusive in their own ways. So he was real sick of it by the time he got done.
Moving away helped too--they had to take care of themselves. It was a weaning process at first and they blamed me for "changing" him or accused me of "speaking" for him when he said or wrote his view. His family was like that too--MIL and all 3 sisters depended on him to do things for them. With very little gratitude or reciprocity I might add. Jerks. A lot of our opposition came from these people who couldn't accept that he had moved on to a new life and wasn't going to be at their beck and call anymore.
I provided support and encouragement when he showed tough love to SD and SS--and to the rest of the family. He basically let everyone know that he wasn't going to accept poor treatment toward himself or me--and he was willing to cut the ties. It seems to have worked. And if they relapse, well, we'll cut them off again. Life is too short for stupid hassles from people, esp. those who should be a source of support and comfort. Ha.
I hope that works for us...I
I hope that works for us...I want a hug when I arrive, play with the baby and leave... knowing I did my best and they are independent .... That looks like the light at the end of the tunnel....