Is This Appropriate to Ask of BM?
So now that we're TTC and I'm pretty much I'm pregnant, I was thinking about holidays, such as christmas, and how to handle those.
I'd like both SD and our bio to be treated totally equally - including gifts - as much as possible. I'm wondering, is it appropriate to ask BM not to send gifts back with my stepdaughter?
She's with us on christmas morning, and she often goes up a few days after christmas (BM is a few hours away) than comes back within 4-5 days with a few new things that she got as gifts from BM's side of the family.
I'm not overly worried about it and I don't think BM will care if I ask her to keep them at her place, but what do you think? Is it appropriate to ask or should I stay out of it and buy our bio more to make up for it?
I really want things to be as equal as possible despite the circumstances lol.
Best answer, right there!
Best answer, right there!
Hmm... I just don't see how
Hmm... I just don't see how it would be innapropriate considering BM wouldn't want her child treated differently in our home, so why should mine be? I know it'll be years before mine will notice, but I'd like to get good habits started before then.
I'm guessing "treated same"
I'm guessing "treated same" applies more to how you actually treat the child and include them,and make sure they know they are part of the family,etc. and not who has more gifts because they come from a split home.
She lives with us primarily
She lives with us primarily and she is 5. So with her living with us, it would kind of seem unfair. I can picture a small child thinking wow how nice my older sibling gets to go away and come back with all kinds of things.
Leave it to you to knock some
Leave it to you to knock some sense into me!
I definitely do NOT want an entitled little snowflake lol. That's the last thing I want. I guess I'm probably just being sensitive. I feel like I've given up a lot to make sure my SD is treated properly and has a good life (i've given up more than her mother has) and I don't want my child to miss out on anything because I chose to do that. Ugh. Being a parent is hard. Being a stepparent downright sucks sometimes.
Ugh this is exactly the
Ugh this is exactly the problem I've been having so many stupid worries which i'm guessing is hormones. I love my SD and don't care what BM does normally, but lately I've been so off!! thanks for reminding me that it's normal lol
This!
This!
Just like skids have to learn
Just like skids have to learn life isn't fair, your child will have to learn that as well
Given that the fact is that
Given that the fact is that your child will be around 6 years younger than her half sibling, I think that the comparison will not be as readily apparent.
Honestly, little kid stuff is generally less expensive than big kid stuff. It's actually quite likely that the little one will appear to be getting more stuff than the older at times.
The little kid likely wouldn't realize anything until they were maybe 5-6 themselves and by that time, the older child will be 11 or 12 and getting completely different kinds of gifts and even more so when the older is a teen.
Of things to worry about, this is pretty small.
I would say though that if the SD was in a 50/50 situation, having her leave toys at her mom's would be more reasonable (maybe except hand held electronics...) But if her place is primarily with you, it makes sense her toys are there for her to play with.
Thank you all! I'll leave it
Thank you all! I'll leave it alone and just let it happen
As you can tell, I worry about the littlest things so I really appreciate being able to get outside perspectives on my silly worries.
Sounds like you should just
Sounds like you should just enjoy the impending baby arrival. That's not a huge thing to worry, about, and material matching never really works. It would become a never-ending match!
So congratulations!
We just had our first xmas
We just had our first xmas with baby and SS15 made a comment about DD6months having another toy with teethers and rattles hanging from it, "another one?!!" And he commented on her play mat gyms that she has the jungle one that everyone buys and a slightly fancier one that I've had since June from my baby shower(both were gifts)....He got a damn TV for xmas, like why are you commenting on her 8$ baby sensory toy that was a gift when you got a 200$ TV, then comment on play mats that have been in the house for months? I told him she would share her play gym mat with him. 5 years old...15 years old....doesn't make a difference I guess.
Don't worry about it, this stuff will eat you up worrying about too much. Take it as it comes and just try to not raise a snowflake lol
SunshineX - stop stressing
SunshineX - stop stressing about BM.... you can not tell her what to do and what not, SD is permanently with you, thus she will bring her gifts back with her, why should she leave it at a place she's not allot at?
You simply will have to teach your own child the truth... SD has Daddy in your home and Mummy in an other home and both mummy and daddy give a gift, thus SD will return with something from her mummy...
You simply then ensure that your kid has a gift from mummy and a gift from Daddy... remember your parents will also give gifts to their biological grand kid, if you raise your kid right you will never have any problems
Generally I don't think that
Generally I don't think that the SKid should have to separate her belongings between homes. She has a somewhat different family dynamic than your baby will have.
Neither kid should have to forego the benefits of their different family dynamics.
Your SD should be able to bring her things home.
IMHO of course.