Anyone just give up on their kids due to the hate and stress?
Hi again. Idk if anyone has read my past posts but may explain a little more into detail whats been happening. Ill try to shorten it as its been 10 years!
My dh have been together since his daughters were 3&5. Now 14& 16. Very hateful and jealous of our 2 year old. We have a very calm happy home life. I think it enrages them to see any happy pictures. They have always always had some sort of drama growing up. I cant tell you how many evenings (they have always lived primarily with their mom) we have gotten phone calls of crying, yelling and this and that happened at school or with another kid fighting...for yearssss. Sd14 now is homeschooled because in so many words she doesn't get along with anyone. Sd16 is newly diagnosed with HF autism and the one friend she had was her bf who she recently broke up with. They have both recently encouraged my dh to .divorce me as I stole their dad away and I brainwash him. Sd14 visited up until a few months ago and now suddenly, literally out of no where hates me and a few weeks ago demanded I apologize to her sister.
3 years ago her sister had a melt down, she ended up apologizing, then getting picked up then went to her school counselor and got cps involved. Nothing came of it as she lied. I did hire an attorney anyway since I am a nurse and care about my license. That is when I totally disconnected. She wanted to hurt me so bad she had to spread rumors about me to authorities.
Their home life has been a mess , wasn't the first time cps was in their home as they both accused their stepdad of hitting them as well. Notbing came of that but bm did end up divorcing him a few months ago.
Its just a mess. Ever since they were 10 and 12 they would take turns visiting when they felt like it, blocking us, then wanting to come back,then repeat this over and over.
They both refuse family counseling and bm and my dh haven't spoken in years. I've been going to therapy to deal with all my emotions and hurt feelings. I've done so much
For them over the years and truly truly loved them like they were mine.
Most recent drama is sd16 asking my dh why is he still married to that manipulative narcissist and wanted him to choose. Then sd14 chimes in just a week later with nasty messages.
My dhs dad recently contacted us both demanded we act like adults, justifying their hateful behavior on their age.
Has anyone ever gotten to a point where enough is enough? I cant deal with the hate and anger anymore. They refuse to speak kindness. My husband ended up blocking their cell phones because the messages don't stop.
My husband said today, its just the same run around,nothing ends well and causes us nothing but stress. We want to be mentally healthy for our child that we can save. Both sds are now contacting several family members alerting them of how I used the words "protect" my child and how im keeping them away from their sister and dad. Why on earth would I want to be around kids who are aweful to me? Makes no sense.
I guess I'm asking if anyone has just cut off kids for who knows how long for their own well being. My husband and I are both there.
I've never given up on my
I've never given up on my kids, my kids are the world to me. My step daughter, on the other hand, yes, i have given up being any kind of maternal figure in her life. I'll be like an aunt in her life. If we're on good terms I'll put in whatever effort i want. If we're on bad terms, i won't do anything and not feel guilty, she's got two parents, she can ask them for whatever she wants
I have one biological
I have one biological daughter, she's 2 and my whole world. My husband and I adore her and its so nice to have a sweet little family we have:)
It hurts me that this has happened to my stepdaughters but how much more stress can one handleeee
I cut Spawn out of my life
I cut Spawn out of my life after she plotted with Meth Mouth to go into court and actively lie about DH and I. After that she moved in with her maternal grandmother and I haven't seen or spoken to her since. DH opted to keep lines of communication open until he finally reached his breaking point with her about 5 years ago, at that point he blocked her. Spawn recently did get back in touch with him, but Covid squashed them really doing much other than texting on occasion. Spawn has started keeping in touch with DH's family and they accept that we don't have a relationship with her. I think my DH would like if things could be better between all of us, that would make it easier for him to allow Spawn back in his life, but because I told him I will never entertain a relationship with her again, he maintains its difficult for him to foster anything more with her. Oh well his choice.
I think your DH needs a short
I think your DH needs a short, stock answer to anyone who keeps interfering or asking why you aren't one big happy family. "The girls demand that I leave Jackielynn and continue to send hateful messages and spread untruths. We will welcome them when they are ready to ask respectfully and kindly to everyone."
Funny u say that because
Funny u say that because thats exactly what he said before he blocked them!
He needs to also say that to
He needs to also say that to FIL or anyone else who is listening to SDs.
They spoke for about 10
They spoke for about 10 seconds before my dh hung up on him and haven't spoken since!
I've given up on SD. I feel
I've given up on SD. I feel as though I phone it in and I'm perfectly nice to her but in the end I'm really just doing the bare minimum she's kind of like a distant relative.
My DH has almost completely given up on her because she wants nothing to do with him and he is not going to push for a relationship when she ignores him most of the time and punishes him during the few bits of time that she does give him the time of day.
We are getting to this point
We are getting to this point with SS. He's angry about things with BM but she's not here so he's taking it out on us. We are just functioning like caretakers these days, we have to disengage because it hurts too much. Things reach a point where you have to protect your own sanity, none of us are unbreakable. I wish the best for you and your family
My situation isn't anything
My situation isn't anything like yours but I've still given up on SD16. She does bitch a lot about DH and me to BM, however she's not nasty to our face and the relationship looks amicable on the surface. However, I've given up as far as being able to influence SD's behaviour or try to get her help for her issues (diagnosed ADD and definitely something undiagnosed, most likely a personality disorder like NPD or pychopathy).
DH still hopes SD will gain some self-awareness at some point and try to change her behaviour but I think he knows it's not likely and we are both on the same page as far as we have done everything we can now for her (while BM undermines us the whole time) so it's up to SD now. There's no doubt she's going to struggle in life as she constantly incurs the consequences of her behaviour but that's her problem.
As far as I'm concerned, I made a commitment to get her through the end of high school (she finishes Nov next year) and then I'm done. I don't want to live with her anymore and I don't care what she does in life - her life and her decisions. I'll see her when I have to and obviously always be polite but I'll never like her.
Time to kill their crap with
Time to kill their crap with the facts. Anyone they attempt to engage in their character assassination campaign against you and their dad you send their behavioral Dx and CPS false claims to with a disclaimer that participating in their crap could open them up to a civil suite for Defamation of Character. Follow that up with a Cease and Decist letter from your lawyer. Once these failed family curs age out at 18, slap them with a defamation suit if they keep their their attackes active. Make your hobby keeping them in their proverbial kennels.
This kind of crap just pisses me off to no end.
Protect yourself by any and every legal means possible.
I would.
Your FIL can be slapped with a Defamation Suit. Have your attorney send him a cease and decist order on his facilitation of the toxic harpies crap. They are kids, FIL is not.
Have a Cease and Decist order ready for each SD on their 18th birthday. Put it in their birthday cards. At that point they are liable for their behavioral choices regarding their attacks on you and their father.
You can do this to protect your character without agreement from your DH. Smack his daddy with a legal communication and if DH complains, tell him to get his daddy and his spawn under control or you will. Remind DH that SD1 is only two years from being legally liable for this crap and SD 2 is only 5 years from being legally liable.
When they reach majority, go to town on ending their crap.
This sounds so delicious! Put
This sounds so delicious! Put it in their cards! I love it, it sounds incredibly satisfying
I would honestly have to step
I would honestly have to step WAYYYYY back in your situation, and let DH know that you are going to be stepping back, so that you can save your marriage, because you don't want to resent SD or him. and it's getting dangerously close to that at the moment.
I haven't spoken or seen sd16
I haven't spoken or seen sd16 since my daughter was 3 months old. She visited her once. Then the whole cps thing happened and have had zero contact. Sd14 visited regularly up until a few months ago and we had a very good relationship-she suddenly turned on me literally out of no where. To be honest. I was waiting for her to turn on me...sadly. I still go to therapy to deal with my emotions and my husband has them both blocked currently. All because the hate mail text messages didn't stop. Its sad. At this point we dont see any resolution. We do have a very happy home life though. Our marriage is good! I'm actually nervous of them coming back and try to ruin what we have.
Private message from latekai & then she blocked me lol
…it’s another inept, abhorrent dad, who has decided to give up on his kiddos when they need his help the most!
Oh look…it’s another sm who wants people to tell her it’s alright for dadd to cut off his own fucking minor kiddos!
What the actual fuck is wrong with women like you?
What the actual fuck is wrong with men like your hubby? I hate that people like him exist in this world.
Maybe if your hubby didn’t want to have “stress” in his life, he should’ve kept it in his fucking pants, bitch! But he didn’t! Now he wants to give up on his own kiddos because they’re not fucking rays of sunshine anymore! They’re causing poor daddy a lot of stress and daddy can’t handle the stress from his own teen daughters…oh boo hoo! What a fucking pathetic, fair-weather, useless, toxic fool he is! He’s not a father...he's a fucking sperm donor.
And then you wonder why the sds are jealous of your crotch fruit?! Yeah, they’re jealous of her because daddy dearest obviously favors her. I guess your crotch fruit doesn’t cause him any StReSs…. ofc she doesn’t… she’s a fucking 2-year old, for chrissakes!
The sds are right…you and dad are fucking pieces of shit. Fucking unbelievable.
I suspect there are some
I suspect there are some screwed up stepkids or bitter BMs who troll these boards in a misguided attempt to get revenge on those they believed wronged them, by lashing out at total strangers on the internet. Ignore them.
If I didn't know better it could be my SS
It all sounds like something he would say. I get the impression this is some sort of skid(s) that are writing this.
Sd22 Feral Forger
I was thinking this sounds JUST like her and the trash she likes to spew on Husband and myself.
Moderator just told me this
Moderator just told me this person is harassing other people too via private message. Someone has a lot of free time lol
Sounds like those Skid's
Sounds like those Skid's golden uterus found StepMom's posts.
Obviously an abject failure of a parent who thinks that feral maggot like spawn are the product of good parenting.
Good thing dad upped his standards when he chose to have a redeeming new child.
Lol I can totally see bm
Lol I can totally see bm writing this...I just can't stop laughing at crotch fruit. Her anger definitely is a reflection of her kids anger whoever this is. Prob why she can relate so much. Im sure her kids are just as screwed up as my sds lol
I cut off GWR...(The Great White Rapper)..aka SS
and so has my DH. SS decided to say he would kill himself if he had to see us or be at our house, you know because we told him no drugs or alchohol when he was just 16/17. DH said ok...and sent him to Beaver aka BM house where SS has been ever since. SS got it into his head he could say whatever he wanted to DH and because DH was his Dad he would have to take it. Ah..SS had no clue that DH has a spine of titanium when it comes to crap like that and promptly shut down SS and blocked him. SS turned 18 almost 2 years, aged out of CS this year so DH has no reason to be in contact with SS.
SS then tried to come after me this summer but I have a black belt in dealing with toxic people thanks to my narcissistic ex husband. I shut down SS and told him any more contact would be considered harrassment and I would be contacting the authorities. Haven't heard from SS since..I DO NOT PLAY.
Toxic people are toxic...whether they are family or not. This notion that love is unconditional when it comes to kids is BS. My inlaws were all ...oh he is just a kid..blah...blah...blah. DH told them to mind their own business and promptly forwarded all the vile emails/text messages from SS to them. After that he told them..do what they want but HE will not be opening himself up to that kind of crap.
So short answer YES we give up and block them. Toxic is toxic.
I "gave up" on SS21 long ago.
I "gave up" on SS21 long ago. I put that in quotes because I actually get along with him fine (when I see him, which is rarely), but I gave up on ever having more than a very superficial relationship with him. DH hasn't given up, but he doesn't expect much, either.
SD22 Feral Forger
Is blocked on my phone after sending me nasty rude demeaning texts and then Husband got some as well as SD15.
Im so over her and her toxic sludge. I have no bios to protect - just me!
Good for you for stepping back and staying strong. I waver sometimes.